hey guys. i was wondering if you could help me.
i have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and we still havent had sex. We have always been sexually active and for a number of reasons we havent had sex. its a long story. we have tried sex, but it always hurts her too much, and it always seems like it's mission impossible to 'get it in' so to speak.
i used to finger her often but i didnt get a great reaction from that, so now i just normally work the clit. now when i try to finger her, she says its really painful and qutie sore and its just a bit of a confidence blow, its been this way for too long and it does always result in arguements, which suck.
recently i read on that the only way it could hurt is if they are not comfortable, which is something i didnt really believe because we have been together for so long and she says she is totally comfortable, so that hasnt really helped me resolve this!
i think that i need to finger her more often, but i dont feel as though i can because it always hurts her. then we can move on to sex. I really love this girl and if the sex was better we have both agreed it would make us happier. its a very confusing,anoying,frustrating,upsetting situation to be in as i dont want to pressure her, but i feel like i do sometimes.
some advice would be great.
many thanks
Sun, 05/13/2007 - 23:10
#1
Fingering hurts her - help...major issues.
She needs to show you what feels good to her. She should be giving you feedback. Has she seen a gyn doc yet? Perhaps she needs to talk to her doc about the discomfort. I am assuming you are being gentle when inserting a finger...is she properly lubed? Is her hymen intact?
Read this link Doc wrote today:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/21716-unable_enter_please_help.h...
And:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/11460-fingering_101.html
Just to add to what Sera advises, GUYS for gosh sakes make sure your fingers are wet before inserting them anywhere near your partners vagina. It's just common courtesy.
[QUOTE=sera300;178444]She needs to show you what feels good to her. She should be giving you feedback. Has she seen a gyn doc yet? Perhaps she needs to talk to her doc about the discomfort. I am assuming you are being gentle when inserting a finger...is she properly lubed? Is her hymen intact?
Read this link Doc wrote today:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/21716-unable_enter_please_help.h...
And:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/11460-fingering_101.html[/QUOTE]
she does tell me what feels good to her and unfortunatly she only likes it when i touch her clit. but she does orgasm from it. i have used lube before, but i havent really given it a chance. I do try to be as gentle and slow as possible. She is a virgin. Do you think she needs to go to the docs. ive read that theres like a rare disease where a girl has a closed-up hymen, arrgghhhh! that would be awful
thanks for your quick response
If you are being gentle, using some lube (or she is properly lubed) and yet she is experiencing pain and soreness, she should see her gyn doc, in fact she should be having annual exams performed. The hymen intact is not a rare disease, it's just part of life and it tends to be there unless it's torn incidentally. If it's fully intact (& causing the issue) the doc can fix that part too, which may not be a bad option while she is already there. If she is experiencing pain during sex, when you insert a finger, I would suggest he seeing a doc. to find out what's happening. Unless you are forcing a finger, she is not lubricated, or rubbing too hard, there should not be pain.
It is extremely rare to have a fully closed hymen and she would have had other serious problems with that condition which prevents the flow of menstrual juices. It is not that.
Some women do have an involuntary reaction of the muscles clamping shut whenever penetration is imminent - something like two percent and some other women do have difficulty getting started because of a low level vaginismus as this is called.
The most likely is that she is simply not ready and has shown you that the clitoris is where the real action is. Be satisfied if you are getting any relief. Otherwise, move on