I have been seeing a girl for a few weeks, and yesterday I fingered her for the first time. But while doing it, I stuck my pinky in her anus and she kinda freaked out. In hindsight, it was a stupid move. While she didn't throw me out of her place, I didn't get any other action that night and she is still a little upset with me. Is this a normal reaction to have for a girl? I've tried the move on a couple other girls with success. Where can I go from here to patch this up? Any comments would be appreciated.
Tue, 02/03/2009 - 06:55
#1
Finger in Wrong Place
I'd say this is a typical reaction. Your move is considered by many of us to be too much intimacy too soon. I'd discuss doing this with her beforehand, and then somewhat later when more trust has been established, and, she is much more comfortable with you, and with her self confidence.
If and when the time does come, there is a right way to proceed. Please read the article listed in the Index on the subject of anal play and stimulation.
Yes, it is a very common reaction when you violate someone. That's what unwanted sexual contact is, a violation and a crime is you want to get technical. Not every human being on the planet is currious and interested in being violated anally. You should have gotten her consent prior to violating her and as you now see, she wasn't at all pleased with your surprise. You must be very young and being overly influenced by porn you believe that her body is a series of holes for you to exploit and miss-use.
Oh this happens to most if not all of us at least once. You told it was an accident, right? She can understand that it was an accident, right? Her's is a typícal reaction among inexperienced young women. Who knows, one day she might enjoy such a thing and ask you to do. For now just shrug it off and try not to do it again.
I don't think it was an accident... it sounds like he did it deliberately in that it was in his "bag of tricks" as one of his moves. He states he's tried it on other girls w/ better success. I agree that YES it was way too soon...that is a very intimate action. Especially having only known each other a few wks.
If anything when rubbing the general area... u can rub her anus and see what kind of reaction you get... then if positive.. proceed w/ sticking an actual finger in there!!
Now when ever you are fingering her in the future (if u are allowed) she'll be paranoid you'll do it again! Anal play is very personal in that some men/women LOVE it and some HATE it and some are indifferent.
In either case.. NO ONE likes to be surprised!!! that can make it painful.
I'd have handed your head to you. Which head - I'll let you guess.
You really should exercise more caution with a new lover.
I would have seen how she reacts to just haveing a finger in the area and not inserted. that way you would have know how she would have reacted. most of all yes use cation. I don't think that the action was and accident but making her freak out like she did. I belive that he did not want to make her do that.