Im 29. my fiance is 59. his daughter is 29 too. i know its wierd. but we make each other happy. im not getting along with her. condesending and rude and she thinks im out for $. the issue is i was in terrible finanical shape when i met him. couldnt make ends meet as a single mom. i was only a waitress. he's not rich. but he is well off. and she thinks im doing this to better myself?. what should i do? should i care? is it her biz?:mad:
Sun, 03/06/2011 - 21:39
#1
Fiance Is Older Than Me; Not Getting Along With His Daughter
There are three issues here:
1. Your relationship with him.
2. His relationship with her.
3. Your relationship with her.
Which ones can you affect? Which matter to you? Can you understand her feelings? Can he understand her feelings? Is he aware of the tensions? If pressed, will he choose his daughter or you?
We know none of the three people involved and can be little use to you. Even those who have been in a similar situation were there with two other, and different, people.
What you WILL do is to be polite to his daughter. You understand her position and she's not only worried about the money - that's just her 'cover' story.
She's also worried that you and your kids will supplant her emotional position with her father. With all of these extra people to care for - will he have time for her or will she be shoved out onto the edge of his life?
And what of this woman's mother? Is she worried that this subsequent marriage shows disrespect for her mother? Being the same age as she is, you cannot hope to be her "mom" - the best you can look for would be "sister" and that's fine.
Maintaining a relationship of this kind calls for the utmost of tact, understanding and diplomacy - you're going to have to work hard without seeming to work hard.
INCLUDE her and make her welcome. Do not argue - just simply state "you know that is not true" when she comes out with the money issue. Calmly say "We make each other happy."
Rise up and walk.
BTW - you will get a bit of grief from everyone whether related or not, but if you stick to your guns and your man - you should have a good marriage.
I have a friend who's fond of saying, "when looking back on interactions with people, the one thing I'll never regret is graciousness. There's no such thing as too much."
His daughter has a right to her feelings. And you both have a right to basic human respect, whether either of you "likes" the other or not, and whatever the underlying reasons for those opinions might be.
I understand her situation as my dad married a girl my age and I went to school with her when we were younger. Sit down and talk to her let her know how you love her dad, include her in things you do. Don't act like your her mother but do let her know you want her to respect you and you need to respect her. Show her you can take care of yourself, buy your own things on occasions so she sees you don't need her dads money. You should try hanging out with her a couple times a month maybe go shopping do something fun but not as mother daughter time but just as friends get to know eachother.