Hello ladies and gentlemen! (: I feel rather lucky to have come across this forum, as I've just been engaged in sex for the first month of my life and have a few little questions that I'd like addressed. So any help would be majorly appreciated.
For a bit of a back story (also probably just a bit of my desire to talk about it, silly and teenish of me, but regardless!), I've always considered myself to have a bit higher of a sex drive than most. Masturbated more often than I heard most people do, did it a little rougher, craved a lot more, etc. But that was just an observation. Now I'm a few months away from being eighteen and up until recently I've been a virgin (not so much looking for 'the one', just looking for someone who I didn't mind knowing had taken my virginity). He's a fantastic guy, was really charming in the actual taking of my virginity (side note-I'm pretty sure had he pressured me into having sex I wouldn't have done it, but since he was so terribly amazing and kept constantly asking me whether I was positive I was comfortable melted my heart and made me give in), and is overall just as perfect as I could imagine my sex partner to be.
Here comes the slightly (not-so) problematic part. He's much more experienced than me, with about four years under his belt to my...month. We're only two years apart, he just started a bit earlier than me, obviously. This doesn't make me too nervous since he's really vocal and is patient with me, telling me what's best to do, etc. But I suppose I just have a tiny bit of paranoia that I'm not doing something right, no matter how much he tells me that I'm doing great. So here we go.
For starters, I really enjoy giving him blowjobs. He loves it so I love doing it to him. But there will be times when he'll grab his own penis and start jerking it off himself, occasionally letting me spit and lube it up a little and then he'll start again. Is this a normal thing? He tells me that I do really great with the jobs and says that he has no complaints, but him taking over himself just makes something click in my head that I'm not doing it right. Whenever I get my hands back on it, I try to mimic what he's doing but he'll still take over after anyways. Given, he takes FOREVER to ejaculate, I'm just wondering if that's typical.
Also, we've already tried anal and I absolutely love it. But apparently I have a slight problem with relaxing so he can even get it in. There's times when he'll try and we'll just have to give up on that because there's pretty much no way he can get even the tip in there. A long with that there are times when he'll get it inside me and I'll actually hurt him because I tense up (usually there are about two seconds of pain for me when he first gets inside of my booty, which is probably the source of me tensing up), and although he tells me to relax and usually that fixes it, I'm wondering whether there is a way I can fix that issue up a little bit? Whether it's a physical or mental alteration, I just really don't want to be hurting him or suffer the embarrassment of being too tight for him to even get in.
Sorry this is a huge wall of text, I'm just eager to learn new things and methods to polish up the sex a little bit. I'm feeling a little competitive against his older girlfriends who had sex with him (no reason for me to, he never mentions them and says that I'm the best he's ever had. He MAY be lying but swears he's not, haha) so I'd just like to spruce it up as much as I can.
Thanks for reading! (:
(For a little footnote, there's no need to worry about STDs. He has none.)
First off welcome to the forum Isis.
second read these threads:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/20950-help-s-he-more-experienced...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/19802-how-do-i-get-him-her-orgas...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/sex-toys-products/28800-dildos-human-anu...
this is also a helpful post by RR http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-her/29708-anal-sex-pleasurable-...
now my take; there is no reason to be nervous about your lack of experience. quite the contrary, he likes you and is thrilled to be teaching you about sex. it is common for both males and females to be nervous, but if he didn't like being with you then frankly he wouldn't be. so trust his words that he is having more than a good time with you.
giving him a bj - he is used to his hand stroking himself so that is why he takes over. he has been doing it for many years i suppose, so it will take some more practice and communication to get down the exact technique. a combo of oral and manual is the best choice when going down on him. lets assume he is average size with this example, when sucking the head put your hand under the head and the second one under that one. spread out as many fingers away from your fist as needed on the bottom hand. when going up bring the fingers back into a fist then back down. i hope i explained that good enough. this will give immense pleasure to him as you are jacking and sucking him off at the time. similar to you having you clit sucked and being fingered. rotate with deep throat if comfortable and firmly grabbing the base of his penis and sucking the rest. to your question about amount of time to ejaculate, he may take a long time no matter what or cum quicker once he allows you to take full control.
anal - i have not yet tried anal but i have fingered myself in the past so i think i can help. is lots of lube being used? is he massaging and fingering with one then two fingers beforehand? warming up the area is needed because it is usually an exit only hole. he needs to go very slow and you need to think about how good it will feel to relax yourself. in my experience bending over into a doggy style position helps relax the anus by that alone, at least to me it did. you have your butt high in the air and face down. this straightens out the colon for its original purpose. also keep in mind the info given by brandye (in the third link), a MD that contributes here often as her opinion is well respected here. attention to this quote is certainly warranted "In the long term (several years) the cumulative effect of anal sex, especially with very large dildos, can be expected to be hemorrhoids, possible loss of bowel control and infections."
i would add that he should try being fingered. if only to just understand how slow he needs to go, or he may find a lot of pleasure in it. read this thread as well. a lot of it can also be applied you receiving anal pleasure before he inserts his penis. http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-him/19950-playing-ball-how-tips...
i hope this helps
Try listening to your body - when it is possible to do anal sex, fine but when it isn't possible do NOT persist. Face it, there's lots of other things you two can be doing that aren't as problematic. And there's alwaays the chance it will work out well later on. No need to push the issue. BTW anal sex without condoms is asking for trouble.
It isn't that you're doing it wrong, as big has pointed out, it is that he's used to how he does it - and that's OK. This is not the Oylmpics and no one's keeping score here.
The point is to enjoy sex/men, learn about sex/men and have FUN with sex/men.
To further your education, please find and read - and then do - The Program, The Four Hotspots and Body Worship - all posts on this site that can help you 'master' the subject.
Please be responsbile: get your birth control going and use condoms properly and religiously. Show some respect for yourself and for him as well.
Definitely try combining hand and oral. I know for me when my girlfriend does this its awesome. also I really like it when she focuses more on the shaft then the tip. You could also try increasing your speed and firmness when giving him a blowjob
As for your anal question i really cant comment since I haven't tried it with my gf but I was wondering if you had tried having him use a finger or smaller toy to try a get your mind out of the habit of expecting pain when he inserts his penis in your ass.
[QUOTE=bubbakev87;270133][COLOR="blue">Definitely try combining hand [/color]
YES! do begin with one or the other, then to bring him to his peak, or, to finish him off, combine the two, which I call the "DYNAMIC DUO."
[COLOR="blue">also I really like it when she focuses more on the shaft then the tip. You could also try increasing your speed and firmness when giving him a blowjob[/COLOR]
Yes, no, maybe. Each of us is different and if this works for you and for others, super; however, to be certain you are doing your best for him, ya just gotta communicate and give each other feedback on how you are responding to the caresses and for what you need now/next. Making love is a partnership, and none of us are mind readers.
As for speed and firmness, my recommendation is for a man to show his partner how he strokes his penis and then to take her hand and move it with the speed and pressure he wants in the moment, all the while letting her know how he is doing and for what he needs. The biggest mistake in not doing this is that you leave the woman to figure out just how to stroke and more often than not she will get it wrong, particularly with the abrupt stops and starts at each end of the stroke. So, work together, and learn together.
[COLOR="blue">
As for your anal question i really cant comment since I haven't tried it with my gf but I was wondering if you had tried having him use a finger or smaller toy to try a get your mind out of the habit of expecting pain when he inserts his penis in your ass.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
I strongly urge and recommend that the two of you get very very good at fooling around, making out, foreplay, and vaginal intercourse long before you engage in anal play or even intercourse.
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
As for there being a difference in your levels of experience, please read this article:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
> I'm just eager to learn new things and methods to polish up the sex a little bit.
I recommend that you go to the Index found at the top of the main page and begin reading each of the articles from the top of Page One to the bottom of Page Two. Knowledge is empowering. This has been my ongoing recommendation to the new fellas to the site who wish to become world class lovers. You can also go to your local library and read "The Joy of Sex". This book has been around for decades and has had several major revisions and updates.
After reading all of the links provided, above, please feel free to ask any unanswered questions. I hope this is of help.
-doc