Sex begins in the brain and therefore her attitude towards sex, her attitude toward her partner, and her relative happiness with her current situation will ALL affect her rate of orgasm. Happier = faster.
That being said, there are physical and medical issues that also will affect her. If there are any such issues, consult a medical professional for assistance. There is no need to be bashful or shy about it, they are there to help.
Several points to be considered include her willingness to lose control because she cannot have an orgasm until she's willing to have one; her level of skill and experience because the more she has had, the more she tends to want; and if she is distracted at all by too hot, too cold, if the children might hear her, or anything else.
So, she has to enjoy sex, think her partner is wonderful, be all relaxed, aroused, and her mind focused upon OMG this is GREAT! Anything she and her partner can do to help her get into this state should be done.
Here are a few hints to help you along:
1. Stop thinking about everything else except OMG this is GREAT! Focus.
2. Make her physically comfortable.
3. Breathe! Do NOT hold your breath.
4. Relax! Do NOT tense up your muscles.
5. Let it come, roll on through, and go. And let the others right behind that one roll on through as well.
Practice periodically during the day focusing upon steps 1,3, and 4 above in your mind. Doing this will train you and the aroused state will be quicker to achieve when the time comes. If you have a partner of whom you are fond, picture this person in your mind while contemplating 1,3, and 4 above.
Women are uniquely capable of having as many orgasms as they desire at any one time. Women are equipped with 4 hotspots which can usually, but not always for all women, cause orgasms when stimulated. Shape, size, age, fitness level - none of that really matters, women are physically equipped to get the maximum enjoyment out of sex. And with no refractory period to be bothered about, women can go for hours. Yes, you can.
All it takes is practice.
Women can be satisfied without being satiated; men can be satiated without being satisfied.
Why do we not understand each other in sex?
Thanks EEK, for your great advice. I've only had clitoral orgasms within the last year, and I've learned to be very comfortable masturbating to climax in front of my fiance. I'd like to expand on that now--like while he goes down on me, or fingering me, or just being inside of me. Are those things that just come with time? Is there a good way to transition from one to another? I know we're on the right track, partly because it's getting easier & taking less & less time for me to orgasm while masturbating. I would just love to be able to have a great vaginal orgasm (I feel many small ones) or one while he is a little more involved with the end result.
It will come with time and your increasing comfort with your partner. You do have to overcome being shy and having body issues before you can really 'cut loose'.
There has been times during sex that I would get to the very edge of having an orgasm and it would just go away. I had this happen to like 3 times during sex. It was very frustrating. But it has gotten easier for me to orgasm because I used to never have during vaginal sex, only during oral.
i definitely have to show this post to my wife thank you. Its hard for her to reach an orgasm i have given her one before vaginally the second time she had to use a vibrator so yeah. i do know her emotion towards sex is frustration most of the time because she is always thinking about how she never gets a orgasm. i try everything to spice up the mood. if she gets close to a climax but looses it she becomes frustrated and will either tell me to stop or she will become dry and yea you can see what comes next. now im not one of those guys who is selfish i do want to please her , its a turn on to please her but she thinks im just a selfish guy because she tells me im the only one that gets to climax :( ill show her this article in hopes she can give these tips a try
> i definitely have to show this post to my wife thank you.
Here is some additional information for you two:
> Its hard for her to reach an orgasm i have given her one before vaginally the second time she had to use a vibrator so yeah. i do know her emotion towards sex is frustration most of the time because she is always thinking about how she never gets a orgasm.
In addition to all that has been said, above, please understand that every woman must learn by themselves to masturbate and to make the connections between the nerves in the skin and the pleasure center in the brain. We do not give orgasms away, each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them.
Therefore, encourage her to masturbate, learning what is required, and then be able to do it reliably and consistently. Once she can do this, she can then show you by taking your fingers and moving them in ways she knows will bring her to the brink of a climax and beyond. Feedback is also extremely important. Both of you need to let each other know how your are responding to caresses and for what you need now/next.
> i try everything to spice up the mood. if she gets close to a climax but looses it she becomes frustrated and will either tell me to stop or she will become dry and yea you can see what comes next. now im not one of those guys who is selfish i do want to please her ,
Please look at the Index found at the top of the main screen and read the articles listed in it. Here are some important links to relevant articles:
The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
What to do when the Clitoris becomes too sensitive, by Dancingdoc2, Brandye, and, others
Too Sensitive: Suggestions for touching and pleasuring the Clitoris--Answered by Brandye and Dancingdoc2
Body Worship How-To by EEK
> its a turn on to please her but she thinks im just a selfish guy because she tells me im the only one that gets to climax ill show her this article in hopes she can give these tips a try
It is important for her to know and understand that the missing link to all this is the lack of information. She should stop assigning blame and the two of you need to acquire some knowledge. This is the purpose of this site and why all these articles and others were written. Help yourself, and help each other. A relationship is a partnership as are the romance and sexual aspects. Explore and learn together and practice.
I agree with her that it is disappointing that so far you are the only one able to climax regularly. After reading these articles and doing some homework, this will likely change. Good etiquette recommends that you help her to have one or more orgasms before intercourse, one or more during intercourse, and one or more after, as are her wishes. Very few positions permit a woman to climax form stroking and thrusting alone. Most require that the man reach around and finger her clitoris while stroking. This is because her "pieces-parts" do not come into the required constant and ongoing contact required. This fact of life is also discussed in one of the articles listed in the Index.
Devote lots of time to making out before ever getting to the foreplay stage. Next, have a bottle of lube handy. If she begins to dry, use it! that's why these products were created. Do not be hesitant to lubricate the shaft and glans of your penis either.
In addition to the articles referenced, above, read those on making out.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
The 4 hotspots are: the clitoris, the G-Spot, the anterior fornix, and the posterior fornix. The hardware is there but the software may require adjustment or may simply be inoperative for any of the 4 - you simply have to experiment to find what works for you/your partner.
Okay so this is really emmbarrasing but
im 16 years old and i lost my vifginity
in July...I hear everyone saying that sex is this
great thing and it feels amazing but i dont feel
that way =( like i have had orgasms before by masturbating and by my boyrfriend going down on me
but im so confused as to why sex doesnt feel good
it doesnt hurt or anything at all but it
just doesnt feel good so i dont enjoy it. he feels really good and he gets to come but i feel bad when
he asks me if it was good and i have to lie lol
i talked me my boyfriends mom about sex and she said
its cuz the guys doesnt know what they are doing..
but ive had sex with 3 guys and its the same with all
3 of them and they all have different penis sizes so.
anybody have any ideas as to why it doesnt feel good?
Hi,
Well...let's see what can be done to ease your angst and concern by giving you a list of facts as well as general information. First, please do not be embarrassed. You have joined a (worldwide) community of people who have questions and concerns and others who have ideas, answers, and facts to share. Not knowing something is OK and not something to be embarrassed about. This site exists in order to help make learning easier as well as to make the practical side of things go easier than it did for us when we were first learning.
> im so confused as to why sex doesnt feel good
it doesnt hurt or anything at all but it just doesnt feel good so i dont enjoy it.
"Feeling good" has a couple of different components to it; first, is physical. The vagina does not have any nerve endings in it that transmit pleasure, so, when a penis, toy, or vibrator is inserted, other than contacting the G-spot, posterior or anterior fornix there is no real sensation inside from stroking and thrusting. There are very sensitive nerve endings around the vaginal opening and just inside, so stimulating these should be included in any Foreplay.
What women do report on as being very enjoyable is a sense of fullness that they experience when the vagina has one of these objects inside.
Second, I have stated many times, mainly for the benefit of the guys, that Foreplay {h/j & b/j) produce much more intense feelings than what comes from intercourse, so if a relationship has not progressed to this stage, they should be happy knowing that what is exchanged during foreplay is usually much more intense. That said, what is so compelling about intercourse?
We derive a different type of pleasure and satisfaction from the act. Intercourse joins a couple's souls and melds the psyches together in order for us to become one with the other for a few minutes.
If you are not receiving pleasure from intercourse, consider that there may not be any "sparks" or chemistry between the two of you. Just a thought. Another possibility is that your mind is preoccupied with other thoughts such as outside distractions or what is happening during any given moment. Not much can be done about the distractions except to make sure they aren't there next time. As for focusing on what is happening, this is a natural reaction to experiencing new things. Relax, let your mind passively absorb what is happening rather than actually focusing on each aspect of your lovemaking.
Next, for the entire session to be enjoyable, you have to be an active participant and open to each experience. Intercourse should not begin until you are ready. You should invite your partner inside either vocally or with body language. Do not begin intercourse until you have been aroused to a very high level. Guys often want to begin intercourse way too soon in the arousal process and this leaves many a partner feeling like being "banged about" like a rag doll.
So, when you have been brought to the brink of an orgasm, you can then decide to have intercourse. Etiquette also dictates that because most sexual positions do not place a woman's pieces-parts in continuous contact with a man's body enough to generate the required friction (1) that she be given the opportunity to enjoy a climax before intercourse--and after, if it is her wish. In between you can have as many orgasms along any time frame that suits the two of you.
> i talked me my boyfriends mom about sex and she said its cuz the guys doesnt know what they are doing.. but ive had sex with 3 guys and its the same with all 3 of them and they all have different penis sizes so.
Your boyfriend's mom gave a pretty generic and offhanded answer, yet there is truth to what she said. As much as any guy would like to be thought of as God's gift to women, like learning to ride a bicycle, there is a learning curve. No one sits upon a bike and rides off without wobbling and falling down a few times. Same here. Learning to be a great lover is not about penis size. It is about gathering a lot of knowledge on a variety of aspects to all this and then practicing.
So, here we are: Three guys, perhaps, who do not have much experience and knowledge, and you, who has just gained a whole lot of insight into all of this. I suggest that you and your boyfriend begin acquiring more information by reading all the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.
When you want to make out, know beforehand if this is going to be sex for sex sake or a demonstration of the love you share. Do not be so concerned about the finale', rather, make the journey pleasurable. The two of you will be gaining experience, making some flubs along the way, yet it is out of all this that fantastic sex can result. Intercourse is pleasurable, although, it is more emotional than physical.
(1) Once you have been aroused to a high level and intercourse begins, make sure that if you are not being stimulated sufficiently, that your boyfriend reaches around and stimulates your clitoris and adjoining parts by hand. You should be able to climax this way instead of from all the thrusting going on. He on the other hand, should also be at or very near the peak of his arousal curve before intercourse begins. Many a young guy nowadays operates under the misguided misconception that the way to a great climax is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of thrusting. WRONG. The way to great climaxes for both individuals is through long make out sessions, first, in which you jointly build each others interest, excitement, anticipation, and, sexual tension.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Please also pay attention to what your own body is saying. I for one hate to have a 'reach around' and would much rather teach the guy to properly perform intercourse using the head of his penis to stimulate the previously mentioned hotspots inside the vagina.
Simply stated if you're inexperienced, you have to look for experienced men to further your education - go find their older brothers.
well said Brandye ,i liked that wee comment of yers :)
Women can be satisfied without being satiated; men can be satiated without being satisfied.
:)
Actually I have to disagree with most of you.I have been with my bf for several months.The sex is always amazing but I have never had an orgasm during sex.There is no underlying issues with either of us.I think some people just need to realize that some of us will not orgasm during sex.It's not the be all and end of all of life as we know it.Infact a lot of my friends are the same as me!
And what age are you and your friends, vixen?
and
Isn't it odd that us older more experienced women have orgasms and you & your friends don't?
Think there may be a reason for that?
[QUOTE=vixen74;248850]Actually I have to disagree with most of you.I have been with my bf for several months.The sex is always amazing but I have never had an orgasm during sex.There is no underlying issues with either of us.I think some people just need to realize that some of us will not orgasm during sex.It's not the be all and end of all of life as we know it.Infact a lot of my friends are the same as me![/QUOTE]
Maybe the sex you think that is amazing.. isn't really that amazing?
Thanks for all the info in this thread......As for my wife, if for whatever reason I want her to or she wants to have a quickie orgasm, All I need to do is talk to her in a soft voice using little pet names, calling her my little girl, tell her how wonderful she looks and feels, of course his is much easier to do when I am using my hands an fingers, when eating her out it can interrupt the moment depending on just what it is your doing to please her orally.
Not all women, or men, for all that goes...can achieve an orgasm. As some women, as well as men suffer from anorgasmia.
Now even though I've known of this fact for quite a few years. I don't want/wish to be accused of giving out mis-information, or seek to mislead. I'll make sure my advice is backed up with more than my admittedly extensive experience. Therefore, rather than put it in my own words, as I did when posting on the 'taste of cum' thread...I'll post what Wikipedia had to say on the subject of anorgasmia.
Anorgasmia (often related to delayed ejaculation in males) is a form of sexual dysfunction sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder in which the patient cannot achieve orgasm, even with adequate stimulation. However, it can also be caused by medical problems such as diabetic neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, genital mutilation or complications from genital surgery, pelvic trauma, hormonal imbalances, total hysterectomy, spinal cord injury, vulvodynia and cardiovascular disease. Anorgasmia is far more common in females than in males and is especially rare in younger men. Anorgasmia is the medical term for regular difficulty reaching orgasm after ample sexual stimulation, often causing significant sexual frustration. About 15% of women report difficulties with orgasm, and as many as 10% of women in the United States have never climaxed. Many women who orgasm regularly only climax about 50-70% of the time.
A common cause of anorgasmia, in both men and women, is the use of anti-depressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Though reporting of anorgasmia as a side-effect of SSRIs is not precise, it is estimated that 15-50% of users of such medications are affected by this condition. The chemical amantadine has been shown to relieve SSRI-induced anorgasmia in some, but not all, people.
If anyone needs further proof, feel free to do a simple Google search. You'll find many pages on the sexual dysfunction, anorgasmia. That will back up everything I said. Don't believe what you read on Wikipedia, then go to [url=http://www.mayoclinic.com]Mayo Clinic medical information and tools for healthy living - MayoClinic.com and type 'anorgasmia' into the search bar. Hell, simply ask any Gynaecologist.
In the absence of medical issues, psychiatric disorders, traumas of abuse, the main reason for not orgasming during sex is 'not giving herself permission'.
Yes, you can live and love without orgasms but that is a lot less fun than living with orgasms.
i have to agree with several of the comments, and reflect positively on others too, maybe some orgasms dont come because their partner really isnt that good, but mostly i too feel, its cause they dont allow themselves, they cant just let go, or they arent enticed to let go, its hard to say, but i wonder too, why then the generation gap in release
I have orgasms through masturbating and rubbing my clitoris. The thing is that I can only orgasm when my legs are closed. I've tried teaching myself to orgasm with my legs open because when a guy is rubbing my clitoris it is usually with my legs open and easier for him to find it with my legs open. Why would I be able to orgasm from clitoral stimulation when my legs are closed and not open?
You have to consider exactly where and how your clitoris is being caressed and how his stimulation differs from your own. Also, please be aware that the clitoris is not the only "hot spot" a woman has. Please read around the site and consult the many articles on female orgasms.
[QUOTE=Aquarius;250799]I have orgasms through masturbating and rubbing my clitoris. The thing is that I can only orgasm when my legs are closed. I've tried teaching myself to orgasm with my legs open because when a guy is rubbing my clitoris it is usually with my legs open and easier for him to find it with my legs open. Why would I be able to orgasm from clitoral stimulation when my legs are closed and not open?[/QUOTE]
It's probably because that's the way you learned to orgasm. I used to be the same and even now my strongest orgasms are still when I am able to straighten out my legs. However, with time and practice you can adapt yourself to different leg positions, it may take a while but you'll get there eventually.
smiling wide, well now, it may be that you havent had the right stimulation, lots of women feel they cant climax this way or that way, it could be that some stamina or imagination would allow you to climax in many other positions
2 get that orgasm just do your thing well no rush sweatie
Completely disagree on the happier/faster rule... Are you saying you've never had a massive orgasm during makeup sex for example? Or a hot, quick, passionate shag? I think psychology is far more complicated that and you're down playing the physical element to stimulating a girl to orgasm! I think this youtube vid makes the point, it gives you a good step-by-step guide to bringing a girl to orgasm using oral sex: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW3lbOsTSh4]YouTube - Learn how to make a woman orgasm TODAY!
Some women just have issues and some women do not.
My point - DON'T automatically assume she needs x - because she might not.
So I get that to achieve orgasm there are factors that have to be involved and a big one for me, think, is psychological one... I have written on another post on how I was in an abusive relationship and I've gained weight. Now that I'm single I've had intercourse with one person but was not able to reach orgasm and I did not enjoy it. Since then 2 1/2 weeks I've tried pleasing myself with no results. Clitoral stimulation and penetration both and nothing... I was told that subconsciously I might have a block that's keeping me from reaching climax (no self esteem, not feeling sexy, no confidence)... So how can I over come that mental block??? Because when I'm going at it by myself all i think about is the good feeling and trying to get an orgasm out of it and I'm not thinking about anything else yet at the end I'm just left frustrated with nothing... does anyone have advice???
The same answers you got to your other post apply here. As you regain self-esteem, things will fall into place. Many women have found a vibrator to be a good starter.
You fear losing control. You don't trust so you can't orgasm.
It really is that simple.
Let go of the fear.
Fear comes in many disguuises but it is all the same really - fear. Your abusive ex feared. That's why he abused. He feared losing you so he "kept you" and tried to make you into what he needed to overcome his fear. But in doing so, he lost you so he made what he feared happen.
But he left with a lack of trust and a fear that if you lost control by orgasming, you would find yourself back into the same kind of relationship - blaming this man and yourself for what that fool did to you.
You're making your ex's problem into your problem.
Do you understand?
The only effective way to overcome fear is to face it and go through it - in your case this means RELAX and LET IT GO. ORGASM.
[QUOTE=vixen74;248850]Actually I have to disagree with most of you.I have been with my bf for several months.The sex is always amazing but I have never had an orgasm during sex.There is no underlying issues with either of us.I think some people just need to realize that some of us will not orgasm during sex.It's not the be all and end of all of life as we know it.Infact a lot of my friends are the same as me![/QUOTE]
Yeah that painted an amusing picture of men with golf carts and tennis sweaters tied on their backs lol.. Unless you and all your friends are drinking anti-orgasm water then you're placing invalid restrictions on yourself.. There's most definitely alot of missing information there.. The people here can help you as soon as you say I want to I just don't know how...
I'm one of the lucky ones who can orgasm several times during foreplay and intercourse, and it's even faster if I use a toy at the same time. For me it really was about letting go inhibitions and just wanting that awesome feeling...after the first few times it gets easier and easier. Plus I'm fortunate in the aspect that I never need lubricants...pardon the imagery, but it's pretty much like a faucet down there when I'm really excited. The boyfriend can't get over how turned on I get :D