Trying to understand her-- are these consecutive small o's or a prolonged pre-o?:
I apologize if this is long post, but I wanted to cover things as thoroughly as possible.
I'm currently in a serious relationship with a girl in our mid 20's. The first couple times ended badly where she accidently smashed my nuts while shifting positions on top, but we had a good relationship, and I assured her it was ok and we talked about it since she was obviously a little lost. She admitted that she has never had a good experience in bed. While she says she has always been horny, she had never enjoyed sex because her previous BF was a general a-hole and made no attempts to make it fun for her,typically rushing things so it was painful. We believe she's over that completely though. I personally cannot block out another's discomfort, so if she's not into it, I lose interest, therefore I always take care of the girl first.
The next time, we took things very slowly and I spent the entire evening making sure she was extremely comfortable, relaxed, and feeling sexy by taking a shower together, moving on to a massage, and telling her how sexy she was the whole time. She really had a great time for the first time and has ever since, but no big o finish. I asked if she had tried herself and she said sort of, but just thought that she couldn't.
She's somewhat self concious about her body, but I really care about her and she knows it. After a couple weeks continuing that type of activity, she finally thought she did, and I felt her squeeze really hard and get much wetter all of a sudden(though she's always pretty wet), she turned very red just prior to the clench while I was going pretty hard and deep, then it all relaxed completely around me and she said she couldn't feel
anything anymore and thought she had an orgasm.
What confuses me is that she says she never has any type of rush/explosion, nor becomes more sensitive around her clit just after, or goes into spasms/contracts down there. She will simply build more and more, until she reaches a point where she becomes extremely flushed and clenches down very hard for a 1-5min and then just releases and practically passes out within 5min after.
I'm about 6.5'' in length and circumference and can keep thrusting for over an hour straight so don't think it's anything physical on my end preventing certain spots from getting stimulated, but the same thing will happen 5-6x during that interval. We try lots of different positions, and have also had very good results w oral, g-spot, even some anal stimulation and combinations of those, but it appears that she will always reach the point right before the big o......then it disappears. If we keep
going, it will practically go through that cycle forever.
We always focus on simply doing different things for the enjoyment of it, and never trying to force one or make the goal to have her orgasm so there's no pressure. I still greatly enjoy our time in bed, and she does as well,
but we're a lil confused as to what happens to her at that stage.
A couple things I've noticed is that she mentioned that sometimes she feels like she has to pee and gets distracted and have recently read that that could just be the g-spot stimulation and will assure her that it's ok
and to not worry but let go in the future. I've just recently started doing some research and reading advice online and have never done any besides roomates and friends discussing things, but the majority of the recommendations are things we've already done.
Sorry for rambling. To sum it up: do some girls just have very very small o's or a constant small one instead of a big buildup and explosion? Is there anything she or I should try to help her out? She'd says she really wants to get that burst like her friends have.
[QUOTE=funinthesun;204551]
What confuses me is that she says she never has any type of rush/explosion, nor becomes more sensitive around her clit just after, or goes into spasms/contracts down there. She will simply build more and more, until she reaches a point where she becomes extremely flushed and clenches down very hard for a 1-5min and then just releases and practically passes out within 5min after. [/QUOTE]
That description does sound like an orgasm to me, but you can never answer that she has to figure out herself.
My clit doesn't get overly sensitive unless I have multiples or its my 3rd+ time finishing.
Personally, sometimes its just a small little release, other times I feel like I'm coming for 10 minutes straight, and then yet other times its one giant release. All are good and satisfying, just different. I'm wondering though has she ever had an orgasm on her own? If she hasn't thats the first step...check around the forum for info on the female orgasm, because that is what the doc/Brandye/EEK/sera are going to tell you.
Find out how this compares with her masturbation response. We women have all sorts of orgasms and this could certainly be one.
Hun, by the sounds of it, she is stopping herself from orgasming when she's right on the brink of having one. By tightening up and fearing she has to urinate, she's holding back, becoming tense and that kills the orgasm.
When this happens, go immediately to body worship, then try again. If anything get her so over-stimulated that a breath of wind will make her climax then go for either the G-Spot ot her posterior fornix with your penis.
Know the three spots: clitoris, G-Spot, and posterior fornix.
It is impossible for her to mistake an orgasm.
Hints for you are: rock hard nipples, the involuntary clenching of the pc muscle (as opposed to her vaginal muscles or her abs.) and female ejaculation.
She's ALMOST there so keep up the good work!
****in wow. Last night was our first night together in over a month due to work travel. It's amazing how much going extra slow and paying extremely close attention helps. All the time off and extra reading helped me think of the different ways she's responded over the last couple months. I made her wait, kissing and massaging her everywhere with a blindfold, but only going around her nipples(likes those a lot) and crotch except for the tiniest touch/breath when passing over it.
After about 20minutes of this she was going nuts, and then I started licking up and down slowly, each time going a little bit less down until I was focused on her clit(about 5min later) and slid 1 finger in. In the past I spent less time on the areas around her clit and didn't have as much of a closing in pattern. Makes sense that it'd make a huge difference though since I start going crazy once I know she's goin down on me even if she just brushes my stomach. Anticipation is great. Instead of making the motion around what I thought was her gspot with 2 fingers in larger motions, I focused on just the one, and paying attention very closely for any involuntary twitches or change in her face. This way I found that it was a much smaller area about the size of a nickel with the most reaction and then checked by asking her.
By focusing there, and on her clit with my tongue at the same time, and NOT increasing or jumpin inside her like she usually wants at that point, her whole body started shaking uncontrollably instead of the occasional hard spasm or constant clench then boom she shot up off the bed and away from me. After a few seconds she immediately wanted me inside and I obliged, but again focused on that spot and after 10minutes she went again. We changed positions some and kept going for about 30-40minutes when I started going in all the way where I was touching the back and her eyes rolled back. Exploring that, I stayed with her knees bent way back and only moving an inch or so back and forth against the back for about 5minutes. The whole time she kept writhing her arms and her eyes were rolling around. She started clenching on and off(feels much better than a constant one) and I couldn't take it anymore and pulled out. Right as I pulled out though she bucked her hips way up, threw her hands over her face and squirted!!
She actually had no idea that girls did that and was extremely embarassed and tried to stop immediately(I hadn't talked to her about that part first like I'd planned). She shook like crazy on the way back down and then it took a lil bit for me to assure her it was ok and I wasn't mad and then today we pulled it off again. I've never seen a face so calm and pure before.
I hope this helps anyone who finds themselves in a situation similar to mine. Overall it took about an hr and 45min the first time, and today she said she had at least a dozen orgasms over about 2.5hrs, but some were very different(spent a lot of time on the clit, g, and deep). This site is awesome, and thank you guys/gals so very much for your help.
Oh, and EEK, nice prediction, I logged on when I got home from her place and saw you'd nailed it. I have no idea what spot I was stimulating while in as deep as I could be, but got the idea of really small rocking motions because when she's on top she likes to grind with me all the way in instead of thrust/bounce until she gets wobbly and stops. Apparently we just needed to keep that going with me doin the motion for her when she starts losing control. What is that back there? I read some things on an a-spot, but there is very limited/conflicting information on the web.
The spot is the Posterior Fornix...Good to hear it worked out well for you! Surprising huh???? :)
Wow....that description makes me want to try this now....:D
There's nothing so arousing to a man than a woman's unbridled sexuality - haven't I said it? Guys, if you help fire her up - hang on!
Congrats!
Next job: turn 1 hour and 45 minutes into 4 hours.
To do this, she has to relax and become multi-orgasmic since the breaks are for him to recharge after ejaculation. If he becomes multi-orgasmic - the action doesn't have to stop although it can move from intercourse to outercourse and back again.
I've read somewhat about multi orgasmic where people manage to separate the ejaculation from the orgasm, however that's something I don't believe I do at the moment(though might have once, that's a diff forum). Thankfully I am able to go for hrs or let go in a few minutes, and have less than 2min recovery time so our sessions have been 1.5-3hrs long. The length of the sessions greatly helps speed up the learning curve. Anyway, new results(been goin for 2-3hrs, couple x/day since).
At this point, I don't think there's a practical limit to how many x she can go off in one session(we'll pass out from exhaustion first).
We're still working on her managing to relax. Any time I switch to a different style such as g focus to fornix to clit/labia to anal(finger/tongue), with the exception of *quickly* alternating g and fornix each couple strokes, that new style will result in her old tensing/clenching. I can get her to have a few in a row from the same approach, but the switching throws her off again. Of important note, I am only switching after she orgasms or for anticipation build up early on, not interrupting the pattern and stopping them short.
One cool phenomenon, that really, REALLY points out the fact that one of the biggest keys to her release is relaxation occurred today. I got a leg cramp about an hr in from sustained deep and hard thrusting but she was really close so I tried to finish her with my fingers on her g, sucking and holding on her clit with the middle of my tongue flatly gyrating on it. She curled around and was face down on the bed and ended up clenching really hard around my head/hand to the point she had wrapped her legs around my head on my shoulders and was holding herself aloft. My hand was pushed out and had no chance of pushing back in past her locked cheeks. Frankly my head started to feel like it was going to implode she was locking up so hard and eventually she fell back down after about 3-5minutes like this to the bed exhausted thinking she was done.
I didn't notice any of the small twitches, slight shakes, or finger/hand writhing right before and during like she has before, so figured her euphoria afterwards was most likely the runners high effect from the workout of holding herself up like that. I encouraged her to sit up with me since any athlete knows that the muscles lock up horribly if you go from extreme exertion to completion motionlessness. We sat in a kind of spoon position with me reaching around on each side to massage her stomach and upper thighs to get them to relax. I made sure to add a sneaky light breath on her ear or neck every once in awhile and she still had that small twitch reaction it brings about when turned on. She thought was was completely done and after about 3 minutes sitting up we laid down forking.
We just sat there enjoying looking at each other for a minute or two with playful pecks(the have a good day at work seen on a family channel sitcom kind, not makeout session style). The next time she leaned forward, as soon as she closed her eyes, I moved further back so she didn't get the expected kiss then stretched out further for it. I then *very* lightly caressed her check with the tip of my finger and a split second after the initial touch moved forward and curled the tip of my flat tongue 3/4 of the way inside her upper lip without touching her with my lips then pressed her cheek with my whole hand and lightly flicked my tongue back to me after a quick side to side. I'd meant to get her wound back up with that.....and instead she orgasmed!!!!
She gasped as her head curled back away from me, body shuddering as her eyes fluttered open while rolling upwards. About 7 seconds later she opened wide looking back at me and gasped, "What did you do to me?!" I looked down and she had squirted!! Apparently she had so much built up from the previous penetration/fingers/hands(about 20minutes worth nonstop) that had been prevented by the tension that all it took was for her to finally relax and the kiss was enough of an erotic surprise to open her body and release the pressure. This had happened last night, when similar tension prevented release and after 5minutes of post session cuddling, my hand running from her face, around her ear, then down her neck to the small of her back caused her to squirt a small amount. That time, she only gasped like a single quick light touch to an erotic zone and said that was a funny surprise feeling, but good.
In summary folks: RELAX, RELAX, RELAX, RELAX, RELAX. PATIENCE. If it's not happening, but you know she can or the tension builds to the point of physical muscle exhaustion try these taking a step back. I've found that my girl can get a lonely or self conscious feeling if not constantly in physical contract so try maintaining it. Don't act like a doctor examining or robot, act like you would cuddling or seducing.
Massage, work your way from petting to circulation enhancing and knot removing then back towards erotic.
Tell her how sexy she looks, how much she turned you on, how happy you are with her there, whatever it is that makes her comfortable.
If you're hard, "accidentally" brush against her while shifting around some or giving her a hug.
When moving to different parts of her body, leave the genitals alone, but make contact with other erogenous zones like neck/hands/thighs/undersides of breaths(NOT nipples, that's too overtly sexual right after stopping genital stimulation from too much tension)
I hope this helps people. Does anyone have any ideas for us to help her relax when that tension starts to build? I'm not worried about it at all, this whole experience has been wonderful, and it's so new that I expect it to take us time to figure all the nuances out, but I'm always up for healthy feedback and tips.
To help her relax while building to climax, talk softly to her "mmm feels so nice' and such things. nothitng harsh or dirty - think ocean swells sound rising and falling - few things are more relaxing.
Heck with all that just have her read this thread, its a little hot in here already. Good Job and glad its working for you