Is it just me or has this site gone downhill?

[sarah_rsl]

Say a person has a genuine issue in their sex life, so they go online to get some information and maybe some advice.

Now does anybody think that after looking through the active threads on this forum they're going to think this is a worthwhile source of information. I'm not talking about the main site which is pretty good, but just the inane posts on the forum do put people off.

Its not just the penis size threads that refuse to die, but its the barely literate provocative rubbish that people post to try and get a reaction.

Would it really hurt for the moderation to be a little bit more active? If you strangle a few of the seedier threads at birth, I really believe the forum will start to attract far more active members with something genuine to contribute.

[Sandyd]

or you could just not read them.Right?

[Ducy]

I use to be a regular here but I got bored with the fact that of all the trolling (Posting absurd things to get reactions from people)

Also I'd like to know where sera went? Is she okay because I havent talked to her in a long while.

[Brandye]

It seems that if they begin with the stickies, the basic stuff, they would gain a respect for the site. I agree that the inane postings get in the way but this is true for any site I have ever participated with - even the sites for professionals.

I do not like the repetition and get short with young kids playing games. But during any week there are two or three issues that a few of us can really offer some help with. When I see the same issues on the Board that I deal with regularly in my surgery, I am encouraged that we still get some serious questioners, and they make it worthwhile.

Sera has not been around for quite a while and has not responded to my email. Through a couple other members, it appears that she is going through particularly rocky, even for her, spots in her life. I, too, miss her. On the other hand the demonic yellow flower is in here helping again and she is always good for a smile and some good advice.

[sarah_rsl]

Sex makes up a huge part of most people's lives. I just think that the general tone of the forum doesn't really encourage people to actually put themselves out and post genuine contributions. They know its just going to be hijacked by self indulgent little kids. You know I'm sure some people genuine problems come to the site take a quick browse through the threads and move quickly on.

I know you can go too far on a forum site and have heavy handed moderation, but you can go to the other extreme as well which is what I think has happened here.

Once the trolls or fantasists hijack a forum people with more honest intentions are going to steer clear.

There's a lot of pretty good information in the stickies, and then you get people like brandye and dancingdoc posting respones that obviously have taken a bit of effort I really don't know why they bother. You can contrast them with the the barely literate morons mashing their fist into their keyboard trying to relate some nonsense that's probably based on a porno.

Anywho I think there is a nice for a genuine forum for sexual matters, I think if you clear out a lot of the dross you'll see the site take off.

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Sera has not been around for quite a while and has not responded to my email. Through a couple other members, it appears that she is going through particularly rocky, even for her, spots in her life. I, too, miss her. On the other hand the demonic yellow flower is in here helping again and she is always good for a smile and some good advice.

Awww thanks Brandye!!!

And good point Ducy.. I miss Sera as well

[Massdebator]

I've definitely noticed an increase in troll posts, or posts that are just illegible. Too many people make threads without having first read the stickies or checking out the main site. I know that my lack of participation in the past few months has been linked to this increase, but I'm still around. There have always been questions that I haven't been able to answer because I wasn't a medical professional or lacked sufficient knowledge on a subject, but now I have very little I feel I can help with.

I also know how difficult it can be to moderate forums such as these. There are situations in which it is difficult to differentiate between users who are trolls, or are just ignorant (I don't say this with the intent to insult. We all start out ignorant). However, there are ways to moderate forums outside of thread locking/deletion. Many forums require users to read a rules sheet upon the first post/user creation, as well as provide a list of stickies and advice on how to use the forum. Only after reading all of this do the users get to move on to the full forum and start posting. It may not be the best or most creative idea, but I'm just trying to get the ball rolling on ideas.

In the meantime, let's do our part as active community members to keep people informed and happy. I think it's safe to say that any and all who post nonsense will fall prey to our resident feline (though we should all do our part), and hopefully sera will be back with us once more in the coming weeks.

[mattc]

I am still fairly new here and enjoy the site and find it a great resource. I found the site when my wife and I were in a pretty bad place sexually. It was a great outlet, a great place for information, and in a small way a place to vent. I think that many of these post you refer to are utterly stupid and distracting. From a newbie's perspective though the sticky's can be.....for a lack of a better word, intimidating. There are some stickies with 10+ pages. It's hard to find an answer in some of them. I'm not suggesting people disregard them or not follow the rules/protocol and start there, but I do see why people would circumvent them.

One issue I do have, and I've done what I can to defend some of the offenders here, is the constant barrage of "don't be stupid" type responses to guys questioning size. I'm not talking about the posts that read something like "I"m 16 and have an 8.5" dick, is that normal". As Sarah pointed out, sex is a big part of most of our lives. For a guy, especially one who's having a hard time with sex size is a major concern. Should it be? Of course not, but it is. When my wife didn't seem to be interested in me I didn't question my size, I questioned my performance. But when I made an off the cuff comment and she answered in a way that suggested she'd been with guys who were bigger it got to me. Not because I care that much, or because there is anything you can do about it, but because I was hurting and it just added to the pain. When you're looking for something to point the finger at, something to attribute your problems to, that thought can pop into your head. I'm sure it gets very old reading all those posts, but a reassuring tone would be more productive in my mind than ridicule.

Just my $.02. I do enjoy the site and have respect for the few posters who seem to be on here day in and day out. I do wish people would learn how to put a cohesive thought into words, but that may be asking a lot. Thanks for all of you who do what you do!

[ASHLEY-IS-THE-NAME]

i use to come on this site three or more times a day when i first started because i was really big on the getting info because i wasnt very informed about sex and i was into a lot of sexual active places, and now i maybe just maybe on once every other day, because it just as gotten bad in most places it hasnt updated in a while and everything like that!!

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by sarah_rsl

There's a lot of pretty good information in the stickies, and then you get people like brandye and dancingdoc posting respones that obviously have taken a bit of effort I really don't know why they bother. You can contrast them with the the barely literate morons mashing their fist into their keyboard trying to relate some nonsense that's probably based on a porno.

Thank you for the kudos. Please include EEK and Demonbuttercup, as regulars, also.

I do not "bother" to reply. I've been contributing to this and a couple of other sites before coming here for several years. Often one of us is able to reply first to a new thread before others in the community add their comments. When this happens there is no hint at what direction the thread will take. We answer questions honestly and to the best of our abilities. In this vain there is no problem. The key is to take each question and concern as it comes and not let the possible tone of other threads interfere.

Even if one of us is not the first to reply, we can still provide needed information and insight. I am pleased and amazed at how often the information provided by the four of us and Sera300 when she was active compliments each of the others. Those of us around the world who are regular contributors make this site the outstanding resource it is. More often than not our opinions and ideas compliment one another for the greater good. Not only does the o/p benefit, so too do all the people reading the thread over his/her shoulder so to speak.

I for one put forth the effort because I take each question on its own merit and do not let the activities taking place on other threads or forums contaminate the one I am focused upon.** Waiters, waitresses, salesmen and -women, and professionals who work with the public and who are worth their salt do not let disappointments and upsets reflect on their interaction with new customers or clients. As soon as a bothersome customer turns away, or you turn to work with a new person, you should be all smiles, not letting the upsets with a previous customer/client taint the new encounter. Our newest customer deserves no less and could care less about how rotten a day you've had or what just happened with someone else that irked you

The three moderators do their work behind the scenes and handle problems or problem posters out of public view. Everyone can help by reporting problem postings and SPAM. This site is mostly self-policing and this seems to work well overall.

My recommendation to all is that if and when you become exasperated by the comments posted in one or more threads is to--
a) focus in on the o/p and isolate it
b) address your comments to the o/p
c) do not let irrelevant or off topic responses get in the way of helping the o/p
d) call the offending member of the community on his/her response and offer a correction
e) report the individual if he or she continues to post stupid, insensitive, irrelevant, "advice". You can also communicate with the individual via p/m and let them know that their behavior is not appreciated and why.

These replies do seem to go in spurts and are mostly uploaded by teens who either do not yet have the insight and life experience to post meaningful advice, or, they simply like seeing their name in print, thus commenting foolish and idiotic drivel. These individuals either get with the program or soon go away. This is when you focus on the o/p and this person's concerns instead of the problem posters.

Whenever a person deals with the public there are going to be exasperating encounters from time to time. Expect that this will happen and work around them and do not let your immediate mood influence what you want to accomplish for someone else.

**I continue to contribute because I enjoy helping others who are coming up through the ranks. I remember all too well wondering about and being concerned about all manner of things from how sex works to how relationships work and what it was that went wrong and why. I began reading books and accumulating the knowledge of others in order to improve my relationships. Now that I have acquired the information, why not share it so that others will have an easier time growing up and handling matters of importance to them? This is what we call "paying it forward". I do it here and with my classes, and with a paying avocation. Just focus one on one with the o/p and his/her concerns.