ok im 17 and me and my bf have been sexually active for 6 months now. before our relationship i had had sex with 1 person but we only went for about 5 minutes. my bf was a virgin when he and i first did it. also before this relationship i had never really masturbated but when we'd talk on the phone, we'd both do it.
i've never had an orgasm. before we had intercourse for the first time i faked an orgasm on the phone while masturbating. i just cant seem to bring myself to have one no matter how long i go at it. then when we started having sex about a month into it he hasked me if i had ever cum or had an orgasm during the intercourse....which i hadn't. at first it didn't bother me but one night i finally said to hell with it and told him i had...but i hadnt. and so yes, i've been lying every time since then. i've never had an orgasm and its bothering me.
the sex is great and he does nothing wrong. but if i can't give myself one then what can i do to enhance the chance of actually giving myself one or having one during sex? i dont want to keep lying to him but what am i suppose to tell him when it would seem like i wasn't enjoying the sex when i was?
[COLOR="Purple">I have a similar problem. I'm glad i came across your post! I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now and have been sexually active with him for 5 or so months. The trouble is i have never had an orgasm through penetration.
I ALWAYS come when he fingers me or goes down on me but as soon as we start having sex (apart from the first few minutes when its all very nice) my body seems to shut down.
He is NOT new to sex but i was a virgin when i met him.
The problem is, i, on about 95% of occasions, fake an orgasm.
I only do this because either my legs/arms/knees hurt due to the position so i think if i fake one he'll come and it will all be over OR i fake an orgasm because i feel i'm taking too long and he's getting annoyed by this so i should fake an orgasm to make him happy.
I know this is all worng and sex is supposed to be for both partners but i just don't seem to want to come when he is inside of me and i don't want to displease him but telling him 'sorry love haven't come again'!
We have tried numerous positions (just because, not because he knew i haven't come yet) and sometimes i even get half way there but none seem to work.
I'd rather not tell him i prefer it a different way (i.e. via the Clit) because then although he'd spend more time down there he'd assume i can still come via penetration.
I feel i need to be honest with him but i don't want him to feel hurt. I know when i didn't come one time and i told him i hadn't come he looked really hurt. How can i tell him this has happened every time?![/COLOR]
So, the question i need answering is:-
[COLOR="Blue">***** Do i tell him i have never orgasmed (the open and honest solution but f**king scary to do!) *****
or
***** Do i stay quiet and hope i orgasm soon but at the same time run the risk of not actualy ever orgasming and hence prologing the lie (like i have been up until now) and ending back at square one? *****[/COLOR]
[COLOR="Red">PLEASE HELP!![/COLOR]
I am getting tired of typing the same response. Read around.
One-quarter of women never orgasm and another fifty percent require some stimulation other than penile thrusting. In other words, you are both normal. Once we experience orgasm through masturbation, we are more likely to experience orgasm with a partner. My first with a partner was with another woman. Obviously, penile thrusting had nothing to do with that. I tell men that they will not trigger me through thrusting but will need some finger or tongue work. I have also found a position (just described it for another above) in which I can stimulate myself with a man in me. It is great.
I appreciate your honesty on faking it. Many men do not realize how often that is the case. I do not often fake it but have on occasion simply to get it over with and not hurt his feelings.
Read "female Sexual Response" in Chick Chat.
get over what^^^
I'm with Brandye... getting tired. LOL See also the threads in "Pleasing him" and "Pleasing her." I don't think the answer will change much if it's asked in another forum.
My short answer is "lie" about your orgasm if it's only about sex. If its about a relationship, lying has no place regardless of how "nice" it feels when you lie. The points you get for faking an orgasm are really not going to get you very far in building a positive relationship that will last over the long haul.
Same is true for him... if he's happy that you're faking, it's only about sex. If he's sincerely interested in what you are honestly feeling and thinking it might be about a relationship.
Doesn't have to be much more complicated than that.