I had sex for the first time a while back and never climaxed. I wasn't really comfortable starting a sexual relationship but did anyway, simply figured I was nervous and needed to relax and didn't think much of it. Second time, third time, etc. same thing, I can never seem to reach climax. I'm comfortable with her now and am relaxed and confident, but still can't finish. I'm at the point to where I'm getting extremely frustrated and frankly getting tired of trying. Last time we had sex I thought I might be focusing on climaxing to exclusively and just decided to let any thought of it go and just focus on the moment, still nothing. Just wondering if anybody has any advice for me. I read a previous post on here that someone else was having a similar problem and tried the advice they gave. Relax, don't focus on climaxing, etc. Tried it all still just can't get there. She's on birth control so I'm not using a condom. I can get easily aroused and will literally be just moments away but never actually climax, like something is hold me back, best I can describe it. Anyway, I'd really appreciate any help and if I need to provide any more information just let me know.
Mon, 12/24/2007 - 06:36
#1
Extremely Disappointed
Try switching to doggie style, that always makes me go a lot quicker. And make sure you are pretty close before you even start intercourse, then speed up when you feel you are getting closer.
[QUOTE=DLC86;203311]I had sex for the first time a while back and never climaxed.
[COLOR="Navy">This is not at all unusual, whether it is your first time ever, or the first time with this particular partner. Often the major contributing factor is beginning intercourse too early. If you are under the assumption that the way to building an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking, then you have the proverbial cart before the horse. Intercourse should not begin until you are on the raw edge of a climax, yet not so close that you loose control shifting around and getting into position.[/COLOR]
I wasn't really comfortable starting a sexual relationship but did anyway, simply figured I was nervous and needed to relax and didn't think much of it. Second time, third time, etc. same thing, I can never seem to reach climax.
[COLOR="Navy">Proof perfect, that if your heart isn't in it, neither will your mind.[/COLOR]
I'm comfortable with her now and am relaxed and confident, but still can't finish. I'm at the point to where I'm getting extremely frustrated and frankly getting tired of trying.
[COLOR="Navy">How much time are the two of you devoting to fooling around and making out {necking, petting, heavy petting) before ever moving on to foreplay along with making out? If you are rushing to the finish line without taking your sweet time to go around the "bases" then you are not giving your body the necessary and required preparation. So, while you might be able to have Quickie or masturbate within minutes, more often than not, making love requires time to[/COLOR] [COLOR="Yellow">warm[/COLOR] [COLOR="Navy">up the engine so to speak and get it[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red">HOT[/COLOR].
Last time we had sex I thought I might be focusing on climaxing to exclusively and just decided to let any thought of it go and just focus on the moment, still nothing.
[COLOR="Navy">This was and is a good plan. If you are not rushing to the finish line, one suggestion is for your girlfriend to help get you to peak and then to enter.[/COLOR]
I can get easily aroused and will literally be just moments away but never actually climax, like something is hold me back, best I can describe it.
[COLOR="Navy">Try this: Have her help you to climax from a hand job and oral a few times until you are comfortable and confident with this method, then, have her peak you as described above. Use the Missionary position. Others may affect how your penis contacts the inside of her vagina and if you are using a different position, you may not be getting sufficient contact to build friction. Also, as a woman becomes more excited, her vagina will expand in diameter and this can also change the amount of contact. Try keeping the Glans of your penis at or near the entrance for the time being where you will receive a tighter grip.[/COLOR]
Anyway, I'd really appreciate any help and if I need to provide any more information just let me know.[/QUOTE]
I hope this is of help. Please get back to us. Happy Holidays.
I'll wager that you fell the first time on a bicycle and on ice skates. Sex is more complicated. Back off; let it rest; talk to her - or to another woman. Then back to basics: Get it up, put it in and see what happens.
Dont even worry it will cum ;). I didnt finish till my 12th time...I was actually totally done with sex cuz it was so frustrating...
You may think your comfy but you might not be. I mean loving relationship can make sex better, but it is a lot more enjoyable and stress free when you have a friendship relationship at the very base.
I wasnt very comfy with my partner till we wound up becoming "just friends" and then one night hot sweaty sex, I finished twice and we decided to start dating again...since then amazing sex ;)
First of all, just wanted to say thanks, you guys have gave some great advice. As far as getting to a climax by her giving me a handjob or blowjob I don't see that happening anytime soon. First, I've discovered I'm not a huge fan of being on the receiving end of oral sex, don't dislike it's just not a favorite of mine. As far as handjobs go they're only ok. The only time I can actually get really close to climax is when I'm inside her. As far as foreplay goes I don't think I'm skimping on that. I like to change it up a lot and build her up to it as well. I usually like to tease her until she's getting so frustrated that she's pushing me down and taking control, she seems to like that. Only really been rushed once, and that was because I had to leave for work one morning, so I don't think lack of build up is the problem. I was thinking of a better way to describe it and think I have. We start off and everything is going fine and feeling good. I'll start to build to climax then when I'm on the brink, I feel as if something is holding me back. Then whether it's from frustration or just becoming used to the sensation I start to recede. We've tried several different positions all to the same outcome, or rather none. Anyway, she said she'd do whatever it takes but I don't know where else to go with it, I'm afraid she's taking offense to it and don't want that to be the case. Anyway, thanks once again, you guys have given me some very sound advice to implement.
OK so you get there but start to fall back...got it...
What about hand jobs and blow jobs...i mean it takes me a good while from oral, and hand jobs are ok, but still take a while. BUt do you ever finish from a handjob? whether she or you do it?
I've yet finish period, from blowjobs, handjobs, or sex. A handjob or blowjob are good for getting things going but I've never been really anywhere near popping from them alone. The only time I'm close is when we're having sex.
I posted a while back under the topic Extremely Disappointed about not being able to reach a climax. I took all the advice I received, great advice I'd like to add, and implemented it. I still have been unable to reach a climax. It's not really that big of a deal anymore since I enjoy sex despite being held back like that. I'm just wondering if there's anything else that I may be able to try or if I still need to get used to having sex. I tried abstaining from jerking off for around 5 or 6 days figuring it build and make it impossible not to climax, still can't quite get there. Like I said, not a big deal, just wondering if there's something I'm doing wrong or something more I can do.
DLC86, dont worry...it will come to you in time...
In fact I have found that having sex with my girlfriend until she finishes, and then just pulling out and finishing myself while she teases and kisses me is actually quite enjoyable....
And your right, sex is still extremely enjoyable without finishing.
Do you orgasm when you masturbate?
And as a follow up to EEK's point (always good points she makes, that woman has wisdom!!!), check this site out:
http://healthystrokes.com/
This may not describe you, but it does offer some explanation for some problems. I know the contents may sound hokey, but it's a possible explanation for difficulties you're having. Been there myself in fact.
Another thing is that you may need a certain position. A good friend of mine advised how he was basically unable to get off until he was advised by a sex therapist to change up position. Now, he tells me he can deliver in moments. Prior to that, he could only finish by his own manual stimulation.
As one sex therapist put it: "Sex is perfectly natural, but not naturally perfect." Too bad that, but there it is.