I've been seeing a man (65yrs old) who had a radical prostatecotmy. He has experienced some erectile disfunction in that he is often unable to achieve a firm erection, although he is able to climax. My question is - what techniques can I use to bring him to a climax?
We live about 350km apart, so we don't see each other much. He is a very considerate lover and brings me to orgasm.:) I want to reciprocate but I'm struggling. He had never had nis nipples touched or sucked, and he really likes that. He really likes me to kiss, lick and stroke his body just about anywhere, but I want to be able to make him erect and bring him to a climax. Any help on this would be gratefully received.
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> I want to be able to make him erect and bring him to a climax.
An erection is required for penetration; however, an erection is not required in order for a man to achieve an orgasm. If the two of you develop good communication skills and learn go give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback on how you are responding to each others caresses and for what you need now/next, you should be able to help him have a climax.
We do not give orgasms away, each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us as partners can hope to accomplish is to help each other achieve them. That said, ask him to show you how he (now) stimulates his penis and to take your hand and guide your movements over the course of several sessions giving you feedback in order for you to modulate and/or make any midcourse corrections.
So, explore and learn together in partnership.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Geriatric sex, let alone with prostatectomy, is a field that is not completely understood and is highly idiosyncratic. What goes for one does not work for another. The one seeming constant is that aging men require more stimulation, usually of the genitals, to attain full erection and orgasm. The power of the ejaculation is also diminished and sometimes simply dribbles out. Many urologists, who are actually interested in sexual function, recommend more oral or digital stimulation. Frequently the male will have to reciprocate because the erection never quite gets there.I have been seeing, infrequently, an older man for twenty years. He is now in his early seventies and sometimes, nothing seems to work. He is considerate of me and I do whatever is necessary. Sometimes the penis does not work as well as his tongue and we adapt.
"Firm erection" is a relative term. What is firm for a seventy year old would barely be an erection for a thirty year old. Your desire to help is admirable. But, we are each on our own with aging male friends. Talk it out and whatever works or is desired, give it a try. There are eighty year olds with relatively regular sex lives; there are fifty year olds who can barely manage. The reciprocity is more important than what actually happens.
Thank you for the insightful responses. It will take time for us to discover what works best.
Please see the sticky post entitled The Program.
I am happy to report that a recent weekend away with my 65 year old lover proved to be very successful in terms of achieving climaxes.
Having done some background reading on how to give a fablulous blow-job, I was able to put many of the things I learned into practice. While my lover didn't achieve a full erection, he did achieve two rather astonishing climaxes on our second night morning together. We both took our time to enjoy each other, and explore our bodies together. We talked about what he liked, how it felt, what I could do etc. It was lovely - certainly for me, but also for him.
I thought I'd be unhappy about not having penetrative sex, but to tell you the truth, it doesn't bother me much at all. He is a man who knows how to use his hands, and that certainly goes a long way!
I think he is worried that his masculinity has been reduced by not being able to achieve an erection. That's clearly something we need to discuss, and I will tell him how it isn't the thing that makes me want him. I can't change how he feels, but I can tell him how it doesn't concern me.
Thanks for your feedback and suggestions. All useful and very welcome!:)
Congratulations on your success - and his, as a result of your consideration. Two things to consider now that you have learned great oral technique: You can also learn amazing handjobs. Read around; use your imagination and you will be surprised at his response. Nice change of pace from oral for both of you. Then, the two of you spend some time figuring out a position for "stuffing." Properly positioned, you can take him into you with much less than a full erection. This could be a great ego boost for him. Just seeing that he disappears into you is "proof" that he has still got it. Feeling good, each of you, is the object and that involves only what you two can and will do.