Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please have a look at the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. I'm glad you found the illustrated animated sexual positions section. A lot of time and effort went into creating these.

I am sorry to learn that you ended up talking to her hand; however, this is probably better than talking to a deaf ear, or, the back of her head as she walks away. I've said many times that relationships are more than the sum of its two parts. Two people with pasts come together in order to have a future together. When it comes to making love, this is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership.

I believe our venue is unique in that those participating pay it forward giving others the benefit of our knowledge and experiences so that those coming up thru the ranks will have an easier time. I hope we can offer you something, also, or, that you will have something worthwhile to give to others.

-doc

Dear Tapdata,
I can imagine that was a disappointing reaction... But maybe it was not as bad as it seemed and not all hope is lost (or as you say: "it is what it is"). I know you weren't looking for advice. But just let me say: keep your chin up :)

There could be 101 reasons why she reacted this way. Random examples; maybe she felt overwhelmed and it made her nervous, maybe she felt intimidated (fe: by the flexibility needed for the position, the way the position exposes a woman's body), perhaps it was simply the wrong moment (she was somewhere else with her thoughts), it might have triggered a bad memory, perhaps she thinks she has seen it all (or enough) and needs nothing new, etc, etc, etc... As is referred to numerous times on this site; communication is the key.

I have to agree with Red. There could be any number of reasons for the "talk to the hand" response. Maybe a sex website is just a touch "out there" of a concept for her. I once had a boyfriend try to show me an internet video of a blowjob for instructional purposes--this was years ago, when I had never done one before. I watched about 5 seconds, turned and walked away from the computer. Watching video-taped sex just isn't my thing. I eventually figured it out on my own, with a little personal guidance.

You failed to consider your audience.

So, precisely what are your wife's policies regarding sex?

Does she masturbate? What are her fantasies? How was she raised to regard sex? Does she still follow those same rules? Does she initiate sex? Does she bring her ideas out into the bedroom and share them with you? Do you discuss sex, sexuality, and gender roles outside of the bedroom?

and can you clearly explain to her, without sounding like you're whining or blaming her, your policies regarding sex?

Because it seems that you just 'sprang' this upon her without warning.

Sex as in physical "let's try this position" maybe doesn't mean that much to her but sex as intimacy, as sharing, as a glorious conflagration of souls joyously reaffirming life itself - oh hell yeah!

So what happened?

When was the last time she slowly, flickeringly licked up your naked spine?

[QUOTE=tapdatA;262966]To Ms. Sex Kiten, I'll just say we've been married for 21 years, so we're doing something right. I didn't just spring this up out of the blue, it's part of an ongoing attempt to spice up the bedroom. Neither one of us is physically unattractive, I'm 5 time marathoner and probably in better shape than most. Sex just isn't a big deal for her, she even doesn;t like receiving oral sex.

I love the red rose poem. I copied and e mailed it to her. I know she;ll like it too.[/QUOTE]
Hope she liked it :) And I do believe that you two are doing something right, but apparently: you want to make things better.

If she likes such poetry, than maybe you should unleash some more romance? I don't know how romantic you are or your wife, but it's just a thought... Maybe a follow-up on the poem, such as sending her a rose? Putting a special chocolate in her lunchbox? Making her a great diner? Getting tickets for a play, a ball or anything else she's into? But also the little things; doing something you know she'd be happy to see off her to-do-list. Just mixing tokens of love with little and bigger surprises over time. Let that fire revive between the two of you! I think it's the DancingDoc that has written several times how a relationship is about getting up each morning and thinking what you could do this day to contribute to your partner's happiness. There's a little catch to it; don't make it something for personal gain (iow: sex), just let it be something you do for her to show your love in a surprising way.

Maybe it sounds a bit corky... but then again; little men seem to do romantic stuff, especially in longterm-relationships. And I know little women that don't just love to be swept of their feet.

OMG my husband reacted the same way. He was all like "whatever" and wouldn't even look at the screen! Maybe if you just talk about the different things you learn and try them on her she'll be interested.