Tips for 'working hard' from George Costanza

[BigKahuna]

Tips for 'working hard' from George Costanza.... words to live by!

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for
important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading
for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're
heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home
with you
at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours
than
you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks
like work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email,
calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything
remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that
the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but
they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will*
get caught - your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use
new software,
thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the
rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles
of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work
looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high
and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document
you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when
he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People
don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -
they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to
live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a
voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond
during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
If you diligently employ the
method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is
there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or
look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail
message you can ever hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it".
If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold,
make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never
erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few
messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this
mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high
demand.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza, one
should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses
the impression that you are always

6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when
the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you
always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make
sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people
around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.

8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the
table. Put lots of books on the floor etc... Can always borrow from
library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out
all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with
bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure
sound impressive.

10. * MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

[Newtolove]

hm well pity people devote more nergy on looking busy than being busy

[baseballcatchinglegend]

thats pretty good, anyone know any for looking like your working in class in school?

[Newtolove]

cmon don't tell me you csn't think of any if you can't then you wont be smart enough to put them into practice. anyhow why not just get down to real work, you know knowledge is power and never forget it. someday you may have in hands a skill that will enable you to get another job you would not of otherwise had. for example I now am getting into a job that apart from english to italian trasnlation (am english living in italy) includes organising mails and stuff now I would not be offered this job if the person in question did not note my REAL (not faked) skills in managing computers and organising information in a way that I can retreive needed info on the double. the fact that I am leaving Italy does not bother him he is willing to employy me to get a system up and running to pass onto someone else. no one taugh me those things by the way but school helps to disciplione your self and aquire a methond for learning and I'm no geek at anything really just try and do my best at anything that comes my way.