So I am fairly new to the sex thing. I have fooled around with several guys, and it's all well and good in the moment, but the next day, or whatever I find myself thinking about what I did and shuddering, feeling embarassed. It's not that I don't enjoy fooling around, but after the fact I feel guilty, dirty. I was raised Catholic, and I think that might have something to do with it, but I don't feel comfortable having sex if I feel this awkward about fooling around. And the thought of oral sex also bothers me. I guess I am wondering how to move beyond this, if anyone else has had a similar experience..... I just got involved with someone, sort of a drunken make-out thing, but I really like him, and would like to give the relationship a shot, but I can't go on feeling like this. I enjoy intimacy, but then I feel gross the next day. These feelings I have about it cause me to try to avoid getting close to the men I date. Help.
Mon, 02/19/2007 - 03:52
#1
Embarassed about Sex
Have you thought about talking to a therapist about these feelings? Perhaps having a professional work through finding a balance between religious/guilt & being human? This is one of the major issues I have w/the Catholic church but I have to admit you have to come to terms w/what is right for you. Apparently you have not been able to and until you do all relationships (normal) will be doomed to fail. It's one issue to have difficulty w/sex b/c of religious beliefs but when it's effecting your life so negatively someone has to help you balance your emotions. I think what you are looking for in advice is beyond this board, and I really do not mean that in a negative way. But you have to develop a positive outlook toward your sexual identity and that only comes from within.
I have the same feelings but it's nothing about Catholicism. The guilt and self-loathing will eventually tear you apart to the point you won't even be able to enjoy the intimacy. You won't even want to be touched.
At the very least you need to take things slow. You'll probably have to explain to him why you're putting the breaks on, you don't necessarily have to tell the truth but it would probably go best if you do. This is something that you really should at least talk to someone qualified about it before it proceeds too far.
I can honestly say that I personally had a hard time with allowing anyone to be 'intimate' with me for a long time, I just did not find the idea appealing.
Things change when you are in a relationship with the right person. Don't rush things, your body (and heart) may be trying to tell you something.
I find myself doing things sexually now that I never imagined I would, and never would have previously considered. Oral sex used to be a serious turn-off... Now, Its a SERIOUS favorite, and almost nightly thing.
I think sometimes we need to listen to our feelings, and not our physical desires. If you aren't feeling 100% 'into' the idea of sex, its likely either not the right time, or the right person.
Thanks for all the advice..... the relationship is sort of on hold for the moment..... it's spring break, and I am not going to see him for 3 weeks, and he is having major surgery that will have him out of commission for 6 weeks..... so I guess we won't be worrying about the intimacy thing for a while....... I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens......
Yes it is all about you having been raised Catholic. The Catholic Church is one of the greatest and most successful Sterility Cults ever. To them sex=bad. Hence why you feel the way you feel. Contrary to popular belief, these feelings do not go away upon marriage but will permeate ALL of your relationships hereafter. So you will have to decide if you think sex is degrading or if sex is glorious. Google "The Philosophy of Sexuality" for further information that you should find helpul.
I agree its the catholic thing i felt it at first definatly and i found its becuase i have had it drilled into my head what i was doing was wrong!
After a chat about sex with a priest in our sixth form (seriously) an he claimed nothing to do with sex is ok or pleasurable and its worng. Then i reliesed i really shouldn't feel guiltly.
We're only human and if you close to your partner etc should be fine.
Celibates know nothing about sex. You have to do it to know it.
I was raised in a fairly strict Catholic family, meaning every week without fail we went to mass, did not swear, etc. Furthermore, I was told you are to "save yourself for marriage" b/c this is what was "right". Now as an adult I know my mother reinforced this b/c she thought it would deter me, wrong, I was 14 when I lost my virginity (found out she did not wait either). But this was what the Church taught. Long ago, I figured it was up to me and no one else to decide what was right and I was responsible for my own actions. Over the years, I found a few more "up to date" priests refrained on teaching/lecturing about the evils of sex outside of marriage and within the marriage(the correct way to have sex w/your spouse). The point is if you want to ask a Priest, find one who is a bit more realistic but don't be shocked when they tell you about it being wrong. No one said they were correct. If you want to be religious; do you really think God or a higher being thinks less of any of us for being human? Everything has a balance, when anything effects your life to the point of impeding happiness, it's been taken to an extreme.
I completely agree with you i do have to say! (unfortunatly our priest is very old...and his ways!!! lol)