Me and my wife have been married for 15 years. For most of that time she have been suffering from chronic back pain. Having gone through 6 back surgeries. She takes a lot of pain medications. Last 6-7 years she has also been diagnosed with clinical depression. In good times we have sex once in 3 weeks, but often it's much less.
She says that most of the time sex is not causing her to have significantly more pain, but at times it does. She does find me attractive and says that she does enjoy having sex with me, but certainly her condition and all the medications do not help with libido. I love my wife and do not wish to leave her, but I crave more sex, have been for more then 10 years.
Earlier in our relationship she did not approve of me looking and masturbating to the pictures of other women, so we took some pictures of her to which I masturbated, but eventually we have came to an agreement that it was acceptable for me to look at pictures of other women and porn magazines. And later she accepted me watching few porn movies.
Now she is comfortable with me watching what ever porn on youporn, to which i masturbate about 5 times a week.
Now for the last few month I have been thinking of the possibility of me having sex with another woman. I would never do so with out my wifes approval. But is even contemplating this idea appropriate? Am I completely out of my mind to suggest something like this to my wife?
Have some one successfully been able to have to an agreement with their SO to be able to have a second sexual partner?
Your question is not as rare as you may think. Too many marriages are essentially sexless with or without a tacit, though not usually explicit, agreement that "he" may pursue others so long as the marriage is not embarrassed. Victorian times in England were characterized by sexless wives and licentiousness in the neighborhood. Many brothels were located in the best parts of London. Similarly, we more regular folks throughout the ages have encountered difficulties with one partner uninterested and the other discreetly pursuing others.
If you are intending to involve your wife in this decision making, try it with a marriage counselor. This would be a terribly difficult discussion to have alone, for each of you. Each of you visiting a counselor and then coming together is quite advantageous.
Thank you!
If your wife gives you permission, then yes, it is fine.
If she doesn't, then no, it is not appropriate.
Discussing the issue may be fraught with portent but discuss it you absolutely must and this discussion should not focus solely upon you and your needs but also upon hers.
You must understand and accept any boundaries or restrictions she decides to place upon you since this is for your benefit. That's only fair. Generally the rules for swinging include: mandatory condom use and at least annual STI/STD testing including testing for HIV/AIDS; the strict understanding that your wife comes first; and an absolute ban on any publicity or public acknowledgment of any kind. Your wife must never be embarassed.
Are you still sure you want to go through with this idea?
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;253823]Are you still sure you want to go through with this idea?[/QUOTE]
Even if she approves of it, I don't think I can do it, I feel it is just wrong. What I really need is to have her back. But it's just not happening, so many years and nothing really worked.
Then, the answer is still marriage counselling, with a therapist who understands female sexual dysfunction. You will each get your feelings out and there will likely be some surprises for each of you.
Thank you for the encouragement!