there is a girl i love and she loves me back,when she was younger she had a bad sexual experience she got raped and she says she wants to have sex with me i dont know if i should go about and pretend that it is both our first times?i dont know how to go about things?someone please help me out!thank you!:)
Sun, 03/25/2007 - 00:10
#1
dont know who to go about this
Is it your first time??
I mean technically she is still a virgin.... in her own mind... and you shouldn't think any other way if she feels that way.
When she was raped.. that wasn't consenting sex w/ a person she loves. She wants to "share" herself w/ a person she loves for the first time.
You just have to be TOTALLY positive she is ready and take it very slow. Even if you guys get started and at first she thought she was ready....but then she starts acting a little hesitant... back off and reassure her that its ok and when she's ready... you'll be there for her.
this is my first time and that seems to help!i dont want the subject of it to come up just incase things start to go down hill!but she has had a bf since it happened and was stable with him but didnt nothing apart from kissing
this is my first time!any one got any other ideas?i dont want things to go bad i just want it to go smooth!
Welcome to the SI101 Board.
For the sake of discussion, let us work under the assumption that all is good with the two of you and that your girlfriend was never raped or had a bad experience. With this in mind, you must understand the nature of making love. First, it is a partnership between two people. As such each time a new partnership is formed, there will be a new Square One from which to begin. Regardless of whether one or both of you has had intercourse previously or not does not really matter in the over all scheme of things. Experience equates to knowledge not skill.
> this is my first time! any one got any other ideas? i dont want things to go bad i just want it to go smooth!
Second, it is completely unrealistic to expect things to go off without a hitch the first few times.
You have no control over whether there will be a problem with intercourse or not. Usually, things go pretty successfully. If you read around the forums, there are plenty of discussions in which entry is either difficult or impossible and that first intercourse is occasionally painful. To what extent these problems may manifest themselves is something the two of you will have to learn as you go. For your girlfriend, it is very important that she be both mentally prepared and physically relaxed. For the two of you, just know that while this is serious business, you can't take it all so seriously that if you encounter a problem, it's a disaster!
Please read the following thread in its entirety. There are several chapters. Perhaps the place to begin is at the end with this one:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
Then read:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS/ and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST
Next:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping(plus the G-spot and Making Out)
Next:
MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude
Next:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of G-spot massage
Another fact to consider is that she may not yet be able to experience orgasms. For information on this matter the two of you should read this Sticky message. It is not uncommon for guys to assume that if they can masturbate and enjoy orgasms, then girls must be able to, also. This may or may not be the case. For more on this important topic, the two of you need to read this information:
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
Please do not be so concerned about everything going off without a hitch. You'll understand more about this as you read through the information I've highlighted for you. BTW, she should read all this, also.
What is important is that the two of you go about all this with a loving regard for each other, compassion, and a sense of exploration and discovery.
The act of rape and the aftermath can stay with a person for a very long time. If she ever wants to talk to you about it, then be a good listener and let her vent; otherwise, I don't think I'd bring the subject up unless you determine that it is or might be a hinderence to your relationship.
Got questions?