Both and neither. Your expectations are not out of line; your wife's response is not unusual. There is a middle ground where you may meet and that will likely require a bit of counselling for each and both of you.

Though not married, I did have two lengthy periods of cohabitation with men during my younger years. In each case, and one was leading to marriage until death intervened, the seed of you issue emerged. I am perfectly happy with one orgasm per week; twenty-something males need that daily. In each case we discussed it in some detail and we each got what we wanted. Your wife;s statement that "I like the feel of the act itself" makes perfect sense to many women. It feels great to simply have the penis in us and we do not require orgasm for a satisfactory contact. We women, who may feel as your wife, that we still represent something more than a passive vessel to receive your ejaculate. You men need to know that that, alone, is a satisfying experience for women. In other words, women need to do more than simply lie there and men need to know there is a great satisfaction in receiving your deposit where it is intended by nature.

My partners got the release they needed, with a bit of variation and participation on my part and I got the langourous love making when I wanted it. This is a delicate balance; neither side wins (nor loses). Living with a female partner for many years, the desires were much more in line, BUT, it was still two people with individual drives and desires and that, too, took communication. Get some help talking it out.