Hey guys, I am seventeen (as is my girlfriend), and, plain and simple, we have been sexually active for about a year in our two year relationship. She is a really sweet girl, quiet, but the kinda girl who EVERYBODY gets along with. Lately (as in the last three months or so), however, I have not been able to have sex or masturbate (for a personal medical reason) and I have noticed my girlfriend acting quite differently. Whenever I hug her from behind, she takes my hands and puts them low on her thighs and just looks at me longingly. And she has become a lot more prone to being moody and, for lack of a better word, "pissy", especially when the topic of sex comes up. Does it sound like she's sexually frustrated?
Btw, sorry if this question is stupid....but I'm just worried about her...
I'm torn. Do you realise how sexist you sound? "An angry woman just HAS to be sexually frustrated and therefore one good F#$% will fix everything." You may be correct but then again she may be annoyed over something else - like you thinking that she needs sex as depicted above.
Try talking to her - not about sex but about why she's angry.
[QUOTE=vdayalex952;276231]
And in terms of specifics, my medical thing has to do with the fact that it could be harmful for me to ejaculate right now AND my doctor says I need to wait on the sexual intercourse bc of an arrythmia/heart condition and that the condition needs to be taken care of before i can have sex again. (In other words, I still have all of the equipment down there if that clears it up)[/QUOTE]
It very well could be because that sounds heavy duty, and she's scared?
I mean, to know that something that every teenager wants could kill her boyfriend, good gravy!
For the last three months, has your medical condition kept you from satisfying her sexually in other ways? If it hasn't, then why would she be frustrated about that topic? Is it impossible for you to satisfy her needs while you are down for the count with your condition? Let me use a joke to explain: "honey we can't have sex, the gynecologist said i can't for a month"
"ah i see, what did your dentist say?"
Better yet, if you come back with a root canal from the dentist, this would be analogous to you childishly saying "you're not allowed to have any of the cookies because I can't have any!"
However, she could be on edge for any NUMBER of reasons. The only true way to find out is to gently and understandingly bring it up. It will only serve to convince her you don't understand her if you throw out a curve ball from left field. But it does go a long way towards building understanding to simply identify that she is upset, let her know you have, and that you really wish she would tell you why. (as in "I have an emotional secret and he wants to be apart of it! <3" rather than "he thought I WHAT!?") Try not to "lead or badger" the witness, they are not on trial. Rather, let them answer openly. Ask in the affirmative ("i have a feeling something is bothering you, I really wish you would tell me so I can help you babe."). Asking "are you okay" gives someone the negative path of admitting they aren't something they want to be normally perceived as (ie creating the notion that being upset is NOT okay, when showing emotional is perfectly normal) and that's a path of resistance. If she is beating around the bush (bahahahaha, sorry I couldn't help it), just let her know you are an open audience. If she opens to you then put yourself in her shoes, let her know you understand now why she is upset, and then try and find a happy median.
I agree with EEK. There is something else going on that requires addressing. Sex is often a symptom and not the problem. That may require some help.
Next time she places your hands on her thighs, simply spread them and go down on her.
Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. Keep 'em coming! :)
So I said to her (earlier today and while arms around her from behind): "Alexa (yeah, our first names are only off by one letter haha), sweetie, I've sensed that you're upset or uneasy about something. I'm only here to help, babe."
"Alex..." was all she said in response before taking my hands, gently and tenderly guiding them towards her inner thighs, and even occasionally licking her lips, all the while looking at me with the same (I'd call it adorable) longing expression.
Keep in mind that Alexa has always been a very quiet girl, like I said, and not one to come out and say what's on her mind. So this kind of response is not unusual for her.
And that not saying what's on her mind is a PROBLEM. Does she expect you to read her mind? Yes, she's "communicating" - but does she mean oral, manual, or forget the doctor and just insert penis here? Think about this for a minute...are you willing to put up with this 'read my mind' every time something's wrong? The silent treatment until you 'solve' the issue is what you're building here - you have to stop that and this is how. You refuse to guess. You ask and keep asking.
You should wait until she just VERBALLY SAYS precisely what it is she wants.
I understand that, EvilEvilKitten, but understand that she's the type of person who is "too polite". She blushes whenever I say things like "sex" or "eating out", etc. She's a perfectly mature person for her age, but she just has never been very comfortable just coming out and saying: "eat me out" or "finger me."
@EvilEvilKitten You should probably not judge too quickly. A lot of people have a hard time to control their emotions at times (both male and female) without realizing that they are 'pissy'. Common cases are adolescence, tiredness, bad health and that time of the month for a lot of women.
I don't know if sexual frustration can have this effect on women, but it certainly does for guys.
S regards to your question vdayalex952, there are other ways to satisfy a woman than a penis. Do what you can with your fingers/tongue and you'll probably have the answer to your question.
EvilEvilKitten, I completely get where you're coming from and I didn't want to sound sexist. I would think it was something else if not for her clues (looking at me longingly while placing my hands on her inner thighs).
And in terms of specifics, my medical thing has to do with the fact that it could be harmful for me to ejaculate right now AND my doctor says I need to wait on the sexual intercourse bc of an arrythmia/heart condition and that the condition needs to be taken care of before i can have sex again. (In other words, I still have all of the equipment down there if that clears it up)
> Btw, sorry if this question is stupid....but I'm just worried about her...
QUESTION: Why are we all here using this venue?
ANSWERS:
A) To learn
B) To Pay It Forward
The only "stupid question" is the one not asked, as the saying goes.
It was only a couple of days or so ago that I mentioned that boys who have not done much reading on the matter only have one frame of reference when it comes to understanding girls--themselves and how they re/act to something. This is understandable yet not correct.
Girls are "wired" much differently from boys, so what is good for the gander is not necessarily good for the goose.
[quote=EEK]You may be correct but then again she may be annoyed over something else - like you thinking that she needs sex as depicted above.[/quote]
Inexperienced boys believe that sex = romance. It may just be that your girlfriend desires your closeness and attention involving paying attention to her needs and desires, kissing, cuddling, hugging, only. If she wants more intimacy, then fooling around and making out without mutual Foreplay and/or intercourse may be her desire.
[quote=Gaby]S regards to your question vdayalex952, there are other ways to satisfy a woman than a penis. Do what you can with your fingers/tongue and you'll probably have the answer to your question. [/quote]
You are correct, although, placing the cart before the horse. Before you engage in the above, better to simply address her emotional needs first and foremost. If the time comes to pleasure her only, then do so, but begin by knowing and understanding that all she may want is your closeness. Just because you are unable to "perform", do not pull away emotionally. Girls place much more importance on the emotional aspect of romance than boys who initially believe that pleasure must equate to sex. Not so.
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Loving and making woopie is not all about orgasms.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
[QUOTE=vdayalex952;276265]She blushes whenever I say things like "sex" or "eating out", etc. She's a perfectly mature person for her age, but she just has never been very comfortable just coming out and saying: "eat me out" or "finger me."[/QUOTE]
Well that's not very mature, really. You need to find a way to communicate with her about it, expecting someone to read her mind just because she's shy is not reasonable.
My boyfreind and I are both shy so we came up with (naturally, we didn't sit down and think it out) a set of personal euphemisms for sexual activity. They're all based on things you find in the kitchen. It's all in fun; I send him pictures of the appliances and cutlery items concerned as though they were sexy photos. It's like a sexy running gag in our life.
Communicating about sex is not a bad or rude thing, so she doesn't get to opt out on the grounds of being "polite". She just needs to work around her shyness and find a way to cope with having to talk about it.
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To answer your main question; it sounds very much like she'd like for you to take care of her needs occasionally while you're indisposed. There's no reason for you not to be doing that.
BUT, there's also no reason why she can't tell you that. You really shouldn't have to be on the internet asking strangers what she's thinking when she's perfectly capable of telling you herself.