When a male gets sexually aroused but there is no release, it certainly can hurt. Its commonly known as 'blue balls'. I think its due to the fact that the blood vessels are engorged, all systems are primed and ready to go, but then there is nowhere to go! The testicles become very tender, as well as the area around them. It can last for quite a while, several hours in fact, but will gradually subside. Ejaculation will relieve it, so he could always masturbate if you don't have sex.

Any over the counter pain medication would also help that situation. Masturbation is his best bet.

The third fix is in the adage "go take a cold shower".

Yup, his complaint is real as explained, above.

But that still does NOT mean that you have to relieve him.

Hear, hear, EEK.

In the end, if you have sex with him it should be because you are both ready and truly want it, not because of his ache down there. If he can do enough with you to get the ache in the first place, he is also more than capable of handling it for himself if he needs to. Don't allow it to be pressure on you. Some women and young girls will instinctively feel bad for the guy that he's in pain. And that's valid, but it's not a reason to do it if you're not 100% certain you're ready. He's a big boy, we all get aches and pains now and again.

Soph if you do NOT want to go all the way then STOP letting him get all "hot and heavy" in the first place! Take control over your life here! All you are doing is permitting this guy to run you and put you into positions where he can pressure you to give him what he wants. Stop it.

If you want him to take your 'no sex' position seriously then you have to take it seriously and forget the foreplay stuff.

That is why he's calling you a tease - because what you say and what you do are two different things. And if you say eeeewwww at manual sex, then you are NOT ready for sex at all.

Let this guy go. You need time to grow up some more.

> He gets pretty frustrated and has called me a tease, but it is always him who initiates the heavy stuff and then he like, begs for sex and goes on about it hurting.

Isn't this just like a guy? He initiates.
Isn't this just like a gal? She set boundaries.
Together they create "sparks" and set the pheromones free to fly between them.
Emotions of lust and love spur a couple onward toward stronger more intense feelings of pleasure that further drive them to achieve more intense sensations.

Such is the structure of romance. For decades and decades even before the Sexual Revolution boys have initiated some form of fooling around, necking, etc., AND, girls have set boundaries of how far such festivities should proceed.

It stands to reason, therefore, that boys will become highly aroused, penis' will become engorged more than usual presenting a feeling of bursting, and then when the brakes are applied and the girl says or otherwise indicates that the present boundary has been reached, all action stops yet the engorgement and the arousal have no outlet or release. Very often the timing of this event occurs about the time the date comes to an end and the boy has to suffer the ride home in discomfort and distress.

The discomfort or distress can be eliminated through masturbation after returning from the date, or, by taking one of those proverbial cold showers (yes, the cool water does bring relief). Now, for an incorporated solution.

I strongly object rushing into sex and going straight for the goal post before devoting a lot of time getting to know each other and exploring each others sexuality over time. If a girl is not ready or mentally prepared to view and grasp her boyfriend's penis then work up to this event over time. One way to do this is to approach his genitals through his clothing and when comfortable and the time seems right, to massage his penis through his clothing. Bringing about a climax this way is non-invasive and does demonstrate to him that she cares about their physical involvement as well as his comfort. So what if he ejaculates in his underwear. It has happened and will continue to. We recently received a post expressing concern about a boy "messing his pants". The solution: insert a tissue or cloth to absorb the semen. Make inserting the cloth or tissue a part of the make out session just like inserting a spermicide, diaphragm or other, and, rolling on a condom. If you are selfconscious about doing this you are not ready for this stage.

> I suppose I could give him a hand job, but the thought is just...eeeuurgghh!

Why do you have this thought? Masturbation and stimulating each others genitals to climax are both a part of making love. If you are not ready to rub his penis or titillate his glans, scratch or knead his scrotum, gently squeeze his testicles, then you are not yet prepared to go as far as the two of you have. This is not to suggest that you never will be only that to reach this level of comfort and familiarity takes time and experience. This is why making out is both progressive in its many steps as well as all inclusive meaning that all that the two of you have done you continue to do as you venture into the other stages. Necking to Petting to Heavy Petting to Foreplay to Intercourse.

You can learn about all of these processes and more by looking at the articles listed in the Index and reading most if not all:

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

EEK has given good advice. It is your responsibility to set limits. He has every right to expect that if you two progress to the brink of his climax and then quit to be frustrated and disappointed. This is the root of the phrase of being a "cock teaser". Until you are ready to relieve his pent up tension, don't do things to build and peak it. I do agree that his whining and calling you a tease is a bit immature, yet completely understandable.

"Blue Balls" manifests itself as an annoying little ache in the scrotum and particularly the testicles and at the same time giving a gnawing pain in the pit of the stomach. It can last a few hours to overnight. It's quite uncomfortable and annoying although not harmful so far as I know. Over the course of time and many dates and make out sessions, if the two of you continually get to the brink of his climax without offering relief, you can fully expect him to become frustrated and unwilling to continue to make out in the future. Better to work and to learn together and to restructure how the two of you make out.

Lastly, unless and until you are to the point of comfort, familiarity within the relationship, and, ready to have your erogenous zones (breasts and genitals) touched outside of clothing, and, later inside, and then while undressed, then do not permit your make out sessions to escalate farther than you are comfortable and willing to accept the consequences for.

Please look at the Index and then read the articles that address being ready for sex and the how-tos of making out.
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

It would seem that if he knows that it's only going to go so far, he only lets it go so far. And now that you know he's not just giving you a line, you need to not let it get to far either. Don't let this issue make you feel like you have to do anything more than you are comfortable doing. From what I know, he knows how to get himself off, guys do....

This particular guy is being a kid. He initiates and then whines when he doesn't get what he wants and then he calls her a tease. That is the definition of being PUSHY. She does not have to put up with this kind of behavior. No means no and that's the end of it. Either he accepts this or he should walk.