My bf and I have been together for about 3 months, and things are going very well. We only see each other twice a week, but we usually have sex at least 2-4 times every time we see each other.
Sometimes, he doesn't orgasm. Yesterday, we bathed together, and tried to have sex in the bath. I orgasmed (twice), but, while he didn't lose his erection, we did stop after awhile, and he did not orgasm. It makes me feel like a failure- like, I'm not doing it right. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he does enjoy sex- and I know that he does, but...I dunno. Is it normal for guys to not be able to "finish" from time to time? What's the usual cause? Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything I can do to increase his pleasure, and allow him to orgasm?
Ugh, I know that that feels, how it makes you feel like a failure. Even though it's not your fault at all, it really does make you feel like you're doing something wrong.
I would talk with your guy. Have a serious sit-down. Tell me that he should take command just for a special "learning session" and play around, you know. It's really all about communication. He might be worried about your pleasure, or just be nervous, have something on his mind, be physically ill- it could be many things. Only way to find out is to ask him.
Please do a search on my name and look for threads that address the matter of teaching each other how to bring each other to a climax. I write about this several times a week! including at least once, today.
> and he did not orgasm. It makes me feel like a failure- like, I'm not doing it right.
You are not a failure; however, you are not doing "it" right. If you go back and read some of my previous posts, including at least one, today, you will find that I talk about learning how to masturbate, then demonstrating our method for our partner; then teaching him/her how to mimic our unique and specific movements by taking their hand/fingers and guiding them several times until they learn how we do it when alone.
Please understand, we do not give orgasms away to our partner. Every man and woman is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve them. This requires training in what I term the "fine art". Everyone understands the basic mechanics involved in storking a penis and fingering a clitoris; yet each of us has developed over time a specific and unique pattern that we have come to rely upon. If we miss the mark by very much either we do not reach a climax or the resulting orgasm is less than hoped for. Relying upon our partner's guess as to what to do or what we need at any given moment in time is to rely upon dumb luck. With something so important, who wants a 50/50 chance of doing it right? Teach each other and learn together.
Ask or encourage him to demonstrate for you how he masturbates so you can observe his specific hand movements. Next, ask him to guide your hand so you can learn to mimic his technique. This may require one, two, or more sessions. Once you understand how he does it and if he gives you feedback on how he is responding to your caresses, then you will be successful. This holds true in reverse, for you with him, guiding his fingers.
Ask him to point out where his hotspots are. The absolute number one is the Frenulum (Y-shaped ridge of skin extending from the cleft to the top of the shaft). One or more others may be found around the Corona Rim.
You can stroke the shaft between thumb and first (and second) finger(s) either forming a circle or just clamping it between them. Stroking is mostly about wrist action. You can either squeeze and move the skin up and down within your grip, or, you can do the exact opposite using the very lightest touch. To do this, lubricate your fingers and the shaft and let your fingers graze the surface without moving the skin that is within your grasp. Do not make your stroking action jerky; rather, make the transitions at either end smooth. Jerky movements are distracting and feel rough and uncomfortable.