I didn't know where to post this, really, but seeing as I'm addressing it from a woman's standpoint in concern for her male other I'll put it here.
It is very difficult for me to have an orgasm during sex -- I don't think I ever have, but then, I've only not been a virgin for about a month. So I figure I'll give it some time and let my body get used to a way of doing things ;).
What I would rather like to address is that, anytime my bf and I are pleasing each other, especially at the same time, he is very concerned with getting me off first because he says that he loses interests after he cums. He insists, and this makes me feel like I'm neglecting him and not doing 'my job'. The other problem I have is that I have only had two or three non-clitoral climaxes ever. Therefore I usually feel like I'm going to make his hand/arm tired and again feel like I'm making him do all the work. I can get close, but I can't seem to be able to reach an orgasm.
Any help with this, and suggestions on how we can help each other out?
Thanks :D.
P.S. -- Brandye or Doc or whoever, now that I look at this it probably should be in the female section, hm? If you want it moved, could you do so for me? thanks.
Do you masturbate? I'm kinda concerned because you said you don't think that you've had an orgasm with him, but... it's kinda hard to miss a full blown orgasm. I wanted to bring this up because for the first little while I was having sex, I thought I was orgasming. I also thought I was orgasming from my masturbation, but I wasn't. I was reaching a plateau where it felt really good and I was breathing harder and my legs shook, but I wasn't over the edge. Looking back, I don't know how I didn't know that this wasn't orgasm, but at the time, I didn't. I was just wondering if this is possibly the case with you?
I also wanted to bring up the masturbation issue because this is SO important in being able to enjoy sex and orgasm during sex. Relatively few girls can orgasm from sex alone (25%), so in order to come to orgasm, you may want to try adding in some clitoral stimulation. Doggy style is a good position to do this in (plus you get maximum stimulation of the G spot), as is the spooning position and girl on top. You can stimulate yourself this way (he'll love to watch!) or he can stimulate you.
You should also probably talk to him and tell him that you don't want to feel "pressure" to orgasm. Tell him that you appreciate his interest in your pleasure, but it's just making you nervous. This stress will make it a LOT harder to enjoy pleasure let alone orgasm, so make sure he understands that you just want to slow down, and it's OK if you don't orgasm immediately. The time will come. Orgasm is something that won't really happen until you are completely relaxed and comfortable with him, and you can just let go. So, though it seems hard to do, stop worrying so much about orgasm at the moment, and ask him to do the same. Explain that sex is supposed to be fun, and while it would be nice to experience an orgasm with him, it's more important to you just to be able to experience stress-free pleasure.
Good luck, and I hope this helped!
I think that, with enough time, I would cum. But I just feel so bad because, if I'm relaxed, that means that I'm not doing my part in the lovemaking. . .right?
edit: Yes, I do masturbate. I have reached orgasm almost every time I masturbate. But I don't like stimulating my clit during sex because it's too sensitive, and he's not very good at it -- I think he thinks of it too much as a penis. He can't get the touch down ><.
Coming from a guy's perspective, I am going to tell you very definitely, don't worry about "doing your job" if he's trying to make you orgasm. At the point when he's pleasuring you, he is getting as much pleasure out of doing this task as he would be getting head. So during that time, your "job" is basically to sit back and enjoy it. It is just a major turn on, as a guy who likes to please, to please the woman you're with. I don't express it to my gf, but i do the same thing, pleasing her (at least once) before getting off.
Also, pertaining to relaxing, from accounts i've read, the more tense you are, the more you are concentrating on trying to orgasm, the harder it becomes. What your guy is doing for you should feel good, whether it will bring you to an orgasm or not (if it doesn't feel good, something needs to change). So just think about how good it feels, and don't worry about what it leads to. Who knows, doing this an orgasm might just sneak up on you. Either way, enjoy what your guy is doing for you. If he really wants reciprocation, he'll give you some time afterward to do your thing to him. then you can "do your job," or hopefully it'll become something more special than that in time.
I dont know if im posting this in the right place but i want to ask "I want to please her to make her happy and i know she wants it but i feel she is not ready and i feel ashamed of myself. Please help me
[QUOTE=Ihavea?;159269]I dont know if im posting this in the right place but i want to ask "I want to please her to make her happy and i know she wants it but i feel she is not ready and i feel ashamed of myself. Please help me[/QUOTE]
You should make your own thread entirely. It'll be easier for people to help you there :).
I used to be worried that I wasnt doing enough during sex, too. The thing is, though, if youre concentrated on doing other stuff and not relaxing, it is going to be nigh impossible for you to orgasm or just stop and enjoy sex. Plus, at least in my case, Im into submission which works out nicely because my job is just to enjoy what hes doing to me.
If he isnt good at stimulating you manually during sex, you can do this for yourself. If you are still too sensitive to enjoy this, though, this may just be an issue of being able to relax and be comfortable with him. As they say, the brain is the most important sexual organ. If you cant just let go and experience pleasure, no amount of stimulation is going to do it for you.
Why do you think of sexual intercourse as a "job"? There is no "keeping score" here and this is not some sort of competitive endeavor. This is fun, desire, and passion. Yes, we all want to please our partners but if that means you take turns having orgasms - so be it. Sometimes it is better for one than the other - just how it goes.
Relaxing does NOT mean you aren't doing your 'job'; it means letting go and giving yourself permission to enjoy sex.
well he is right getting him off first will possibly (probably) cause him to lose interest so let him get you off first then deal with him thats how i would prefer it too