Ok so last night my boyfriend and I were going to try and have sex for the first time. We were all prepared and ready, ie. talked about it, had protection etc. but some problems arose...
When we put the condom on, he would lose his erection. He said he was getting nervous about it, and that he was thinking about it too much and thats what made him so nervous. I felt it strange for him to be nervous as he has done this before, I'm the one thats the virgin! Anyways though, we would wait and try it again, for the same thing to happen. Next thing was that for some reason we couldn't guide it in, no matter who was on top. I don't know if it was the angle or what? Lastly, we finally figured we had it, and then we had some lubricant, and he spilled some excess that actually went into me and started BURNING! So that killed my sex drive with the pain, then he got upset with himself for doing that. He was so upset with his self he started crying. And needless to say it wasnt the greatest night.
Can somebody help me with these issues? ie. how to help him not lose the erection from nervousness, and the whole not being able to get it in thingy?? I know it will be difficult with me being a virgin, he is smaller in size I think as I have only been with him and don't know anything else. THANKS =)
This is a pretty common problem. He's had sex before and I'm assuming you guys have fooled around before, so it's nothing physical - just his nerves. Who knows what the reason - maybe he cares about you a lot more than whoever else he's had sex with and wants everything to go perfectly. The best thing you can do is be understanding and not make a big deal about it. You want to avoid making this a pattern - he's worried about all the what ifs, so he ends up stressing about it and killing his libido.
Now, as for the lube, what kind are you using? Because that doesn't sound like a normal reaction! Lube is supposed to make things painless, not cause you pain. It's possible you are allergic to an ingredient. Or are you using something like lotion that isn't designed for sex?
First times are rarely totally perfect, so remember to laugh at yourself. Don't worry about it being wonderfully sexy. There may be awkward moments, and if you can giggle about them and not let them impede you, that's the best way to go. I have a feeling that you couldn't make it work just because he wasn't hard enough. I think the easiest way to go about getting him inside you initially is just to take his penis in your hand and guide it into you. If you're worried about it being painful, I would recommend you being on top, so that you can control the speed, pressure, etc. Good luck!
lala - browneyedgirl is quite right - lubricant sold for sexual congress NEVER irritates - they take great care with sensitive tissue issues in its manufacture. In the US, most states, lubricant is sold in grocery stores and the brand name of KY, (trademark) is the most widely known and reliable. Look for it near the tampons douches etc. Vagisil is another good brand that you can readily find.
Sounds like your adventure was a comedy of errors. Now then, realise that while it may not have been his "first time", it was his first time with YOU.
This is the case with EACH new partner one has in one's life. Yes, even I have my concerns with each new partner. This is why one's "first time" is usually never one's best time with that person. We all like to please and be pleased and we all have our doubts about our capabilities. Relaxation and then re-arousal should take care of it as you found - as your tries improved step by step. Please study the sticky post body worship. A calm exploartion of him done by you should ease his and your anxieties.
For the first penetration, slip a small pillow beneath your rump, have him stay up on his hands and knees more so he is off your body and can see what he's doing. He should slowly enter by moving his hps forward - not thrusting yet - just sliding in seeking the hymen. Stop when he gets there. Then he can slowly and with increasing pressure begin the familiar back and forth, in and out motion, trying to get through using minimal force. Gently as he can and yet enough to be effective. You should stay calm and relaxed during this process - do not urge him to rush. Focus your mind upon how it feels to have a man inside of you. ORgasms will come later. Now it is just a "getting ot know you" sort of thing.
Thanks so much to both of you for your advice!!! Last night after a recount of the previous night with all the comedy of errors, we had a good laugh. We talked about it and decided to give it another try. There was still a little difficulty trying to keep it hard enough the whole time or whatever. We had success :). Hitting the hymen and breaking through that was painful, but not like what some horror stories I see on here. It didn't make me cry or anything, like a sharp stinging feeling..you just grit your teeth and then its done. It hurt a bit getting going, but we tried out things like him vs. me on top. Btw I think for beginners yes DEFINITELY get the girl on top. A lot more comfortable. So now we're happy...and my boyfriend was so sweet about it, making sure it wasn't hurting, if I was comfortable. It was an amazing experience, and we did it again this morning hehe. Anyway THANKS AGAIN YOU GUYS!:D
Good, now it is time for you to have orgasms and then to learn how to enjoy multiple orgasms. This is going to be FUN!
Yay! I'm glad all worked out for you!
and always communicate with your partner about your orgasm, good to hear that its all sort out. goodluck and have fun.
I wanted to mssge back with still a slight problem.
Well being on top no longer feels comfortable for some reason, and I've moreso taken a liking to him on top. We've had to have done it at least a dozen times now and I'm still feeling A LOT of pain when he goes in deep. I didnt feel this pain the 1st time. On two occassions the pain has been so bad I almost cry and we've had to quit for the night because I'm in so much pain. He is of about average to slightly below size, so its not that its too big.
I am definitely wet enough, we have to do lots of foreplay because I still have a problem with Lube. I know ppl say u cant be sensitive/allergic to it but there is seriously something wrong. It stings something horrible! We had put some KY over the condom to help cuz we thought my problem was not enough lube, but it stings like rubbing alcohol over a cut. We arent necessarily frustrated yet, as we can still do it, but not exactly at a tempo we want, and we have other things to do in the meantime I guess.
Anyone that has tips, let me now. thanx
[quote=lala89;203699]I wanted to mssge back with still a slight problem.
Well being on top no longer feels comfortable for some reason, and I've moreso taken a liking to him on top. We've had to have done it at least a dozen times now and I'm still feeling A LOT of pain when he goes in deep. I didnt feel this pain the 1st time. On two occassions the pain has been so bad I almost cry and we've had to quit for the night because I'm in so much pain. He is of about average to slightly below size, so its not that its too big.
I am definitely wet enough, we have to do lots of foreplay because I still have a problem with Lube. I know ppl say u cant be sensitive/allergic to it but there is seriously something wrong. It stings something horrible! We had put some KY over the condom to help cuz we thought my problem was not enough lube, but it stings like rubbing alcohol over a cut. We arent necessarily frustrated yet, as we can still do it, but not exactly at a tempo we want, and we have other things to do in the meantime I guess.
Anyone that has tips, let me now. thanx[/quote]He is probably striking your cervix. Either go above or below it (higher or lower).
No, no, NEVER go above the cervix!
The G-Spot is not in deep enough to have any impact upon the cervix. The posterior fornix however - trust me, stay BELOW the cervix.
I should have put anteriorly or posteriorly to the cervix...forgot about your incident! I swear that was the first I ever heard of it...
It was something of a surprise to me too.
[QUOTE=lala89;203699]
A LOT of pain when he goes in deep. I didnt feel this pain the 1st time. On two occassions the pain has been so bad I almost cry and we've had to quit for the night because I'm in so much pain. [/QUOTE]
You haven't mentioned in the post about seeing a gynocolgist, but if you haven't you need to. For both the pain you're feeling through the penetration and your reaction to the lubricant.
The lubricant you say it reacts when it makes contact with you inside I have no idea especially as its not reacting with you externally try working though different types, but again it could just be a reaction mention it to your doctor it could just be an alergy. Although the I'm guessing you haven't had any reactions to lubricants when you've had pelvics done so its propably just that one brand.
Losing their errection when guys put a condom on is really common but let him worry about that you've got enough to do.
Don't be too understanding be very clear with your bf that you're in pain and trying to work through it. not being able to keep his penis inside you is down to his poor technique and he should be asking for his own advice.
why not give penetrative sex a break for a while. Non penetrative sex doesn't have to involve oral sex it can just be mutual masturbation.
good luck