It's funny you mentioned this. I'm on the other end of pretty much the same issue. So it'd be nice to get feedback from the other end of the spectrum. Here's answering your question though. The meds and the nervousness are what caused the ED. Try to cut down the next time or try having sex without taking them that day. Better yet... go to the doctor that prescribed them and tell them you are having difficulties. They may change your meds or reduce the dose. They'll know how to help more. As for the woman. She doesn't deserve you if she'd rather run off than try to help work through the issue. She shouldn't feel rejected or humiliated. She's not mature enough to handle sex if she'd rather run off like she did. Having sex with anyone for the first time can be nerveracking... virgin or not. Let the next woman you date know ahead of time that you are new to sex and that you'd like to have fun messing around before doing the deed. You'll feel more relaxed which will help sustain the erection and also will know more of how to please her in the bedroom with or without sex. Just because you are older doesn't mean you have to rush into sleeping with someone. It works out better if you wait a while. *Note: 5.75 inches is average and masturbation won't hurt getting an erection or ruining sex for you.* I do hope this helps. Being on the female end of it I will say it's frustrating but not the worst of occurrences. Eventually things do work out and you can laugh about the whole thing later on. *Oh yeah... the fact you got it in at all is one step above my situation.... my last encounter didn't quite make it that far*.

Your last sentence (Zorbo) screams for more details.........LOL
What exactly does being on the "other end" mean?

[QUOTE=constantlylearning;218503]Your last sentence (Zorbo) screams for more details.........LOL
What exactly does being on the "other end" mean?[/QUOTE]

In other words I'm a female dealing with a very similar situation. Since I don't have a penis or male perspective it's hard to put myself in those shoes (from that "end" ) or that part of the rejection factor. Only from the view of the girl who is frustrated by not having her man get it up or keep it there. Unlike above though I'm not about to end the relationship because if it. More so...I'm trying to figure out more ideas of how to improve the situation for the next encounter. I know how I feel about it, and also realize how embarrassing it must be for the guy. So yeah... I'm on the other (opposite) "end" of the situation. :rolleyes:

That is crystal clear...................hopefully, things will work themselves out.
Male perspective here but no good suggestions or opinions unfortunately.
Lack of knowledge is never a good thing.

Ah. I see you've never run into this problem before either. LOL
The only time before this a problem even remotely similar was when the guy was too drunk to get it up... not just too nervous.

LOL you are funny person...............I almost lost my diet coke.

[QUOTE=drummindude;218479]New member here, please forgive me if this question has been asked before and if it has, I would greatly appreciate a link.

Okay I am kind of a late bloomer when it comes to sex. I just had my first experience and could not cum when she gave me head and went limp during the intercourse session. I am sure some of it was performance anxiety but in short, I was absolutely humiliated.
[COLOR="Red">
Do not fret, performance anxiety is experienced by many. Including me when I lost my virginity. I was unable to climax.[/COLOR]

A little background- I am 29, non smoker and have masturbated on a regular basis since like 13. I exercise semi regularly and am only slightly overweight (10 lbs). I take Zocor for Cholesterol and Welbutrin for anxiety.

[COLOR="Red">Ah. So you already suffer from anxiety. I think it's clear what your problem is. You need to just relax! Easier said than done, but this is what you need to do.[/COLOR]

I would rather not take the ED meds and deal with this on a natural basis. Could someone please please give me some advice on things I can do to help with this?

[COLOR="Red">I'm not a physician so I will not give advice here other than you should talk to your physician about your med issues.[/COLOR]

I wonder if it would help if I stopped masturbating altogether?

[COLOR="Red">I guess you could try this. But obviously if you can masturbate with no problems, then you are physically capable of coitus with no problems. Again, your problem lies between your ears.[/COLOR]

Anyway thanks for your help.

Not that it matters, or maybe it does, but when I went limp in the middle of having intercourse the girl was offended as if I was not turned on by her. I wanted to try to continue but she gave up and went to bed. I was so humiliated I had to leave that night. The next week she was with a new guy. She also said I was "small" as my erection is about 5.75 inches. UGH please help me people or I will be doomed to a life of solitude. lol
[/QUOTE]

There is nothing to laugh about. 5.75 inches is exactly average. She is either immature or simply rude. Furthermore, a very large amount of men suffer from the sexual anxiety you do. There is no reason to fret. You are normal. Just relax and have fun.

Yes, I agree with "nothing to laugh about" comment. My losing my beverage
was merely from the post directly above mine nothing more nothing less.
Apologies if it was taken out of context.

it might be as simple as your diet...

I know seratone can play a factor in this part.

[QUOTE]5-HTP and serotonin are natural chemicals produced by our bodies to help regulate appetite, mood, sexual desire, sleep patterns and stress levels. [/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]These functions are badly affected if serotonin levels in the body are reduced. Serotonin levels can become too low because of emotional or physical pressures, imbalanced diet, nutritional deficiencies, insufficient exercise (aerobic and muscular), alcohol, caffeine and nicotine.[/QUOTE]

pretty much cut back on the amount of crap u intake n start eating healthier. (if you dont already do so)

i noticed my sex drive lacking a bit lately. not being in the mood at all.. really liking this chick n what not wantin 2 get with her but not really feeling like i wanted to do anything sexual... odd ! never had that.. realised my **** diet, high stress levels from work and skipping meals/inproper diet as well as **** sleeping patterns have contributed.

in the past 2 days i have been eating nothing but healthy.. veggies, dairy, chicken, meats, cereals. all ur fibre, iron, etc etc to get seratone levels higher naturally.. n well after 2 days i have already seen quite a change with everything and am feeling like i could step up to the plate for the next innings...

it not only helps with that but i mean a good diet should be necessary anyway.. u feel so much better.

as for that girl or any girl.. who cares what they think... if they love u for u they wont care on size or nervousness only try to help you through it.. the more u realise they dont care either way and are comfortable the less nervous u will be n u will enjoy it a lot more.

She obviously is not worth it to treat u like that. u cant control what happens. in ur head u mighta wanted to blow the socks off her but as it stands ur mental state and comfortable levels were not there which she might have contributed 2 u being so nervous..

i wish u all the best and it will come to u eventually. try not to worry. your not the only one. and eventually u will find the person for u and as borat would say.. 'have sexy time'

5.75" is about average, so nothing to worry about there. (I'm just under 6" erect by the way.) With an attitude like hers, I'd say that girl is not worth worrying about, so you'd be better off finding someone else. It was probably just performance anxiety. If you can get an erection when you masturbate, then you know that everything is in working order. Don't stop masturbating altogether, but maybe a short period of abstinence before your next attempt might help with your arousal.

(Actually, I don't believe its possible for any male to abstain from ejaculating indefinitely. To any guy who doesn't believe that, try it, and see how long you last!)

drumindude,
A person who's intention is to hurt through a 'small' comment may have given off other clues that she is not a supportive, caring person. That would make *anyone wanting for lack of safety; the antithesis of being in the state of arousal. I dated a women with whom I had anxiety - she was not safe emotionally - and for the 1st time in my sexual life I couldn't get it up. Oi! I don't know, maybe the dangerous ones attract you?

This is a well developed thread and has good responses. I only wish to warn against messing with your meds without advice. They are, quite possibly, a part of the problem and can be adjusted. DO NOT EVER mess with psychotropic drugs wihtout your doctor's participation. Any of us who have ever prescribed this stuff has run into sexual side-effects in patients. Your docotr will be sympathetic.

I am a 40 something woman who is in a relationship with a man who turned 60 this year. In the three years we have been together we have had no problems, for either of us. He wants to please me and I want to please him. We have great communication, he didn't believe me when I told him I didn't own any "toys", but it gave him a great idea for some valentines day gifts. We do not live together, and sometimes with work we only see each other one a week. And that has had to be cancelled for work as well. When we first started to sleep together there were weeks when we "did it" several times a week, and if I was able to stay let's just say I knew it was 3 am.
Now the ED, he went for a physical in June, and is being sent for tests. Since then he has been in a downer of a mood, and that makes me unhappy. We tried everything, well almost everything I am not into a threesome, different positions, different times of the day. I read up on anal, we have always done oral, nothing worked. He wasn't able to climax, and well I have been left a little sore. Yesterday I decided that it was the day. I sent him lots of emails, we email all day anyways, but I gave him a taste of what he was going to get. And after 3.5 hours in bed, we have never started in bed unless it was 3 am, we got what I had come looking for. It was our 4th try, and the first time he has ever told me to shut up. When he knew he was there, he told me what he needed to do to finish and that's what I let him do. Both of us were spent.
Is this ED, do I need to worry about the next time? I want to please him, and that without trying new things I don't really know if I like it or not do I?

Well, goof, this is far from the original issue of this thread - different circumstances, entirely.

You describe him as sixty years old and in a downer of a mood because of possible health issues. A lapse can be expected. You have had a success. That indicates that the situation was epiphenomenal. Some men are no longer functional at sixty and some use a little help in the form of cialis, viagra or companion drugs.

When he has his follow up visit with the docotr to review his tests, this should be discussed. Nothing wrong with having a little help in the medicine chest. My guess is that as his confidence is restored, that thing will function as before.

Geriatric sex often includes some more rigorous techniques for men - specifically oral and digital. Perhaps you should brush up on those techniques.

I have been having an infrequent relationship with a man nearly twenty years older than I for the last fifteen years. Those four weekends a year we see each other have gone from four or five ejaculations to two in a two day period. The Sunday morning "good-bye" has usually been oral because I do not like to drain for the two hour drive home and now it is necessarily oral to get him off. I still get what I want from the relationship.

Short answer: yes, it is probably onset ED but help is available.

I guess the new member got me, as I too am new to this board. I am going to ask him to talk to his dr, and to look at this board.
Knowing your not the only one out there is in itself helpful to me. He's a great guy and a wonderful person I'm lucky to have him. The age differece is of no big deal in my heart or in his. I hope that today he's walking around with a smile, or a least an extra bounce in his step.

drummindude,
So far all the answers and suggestions that I see here sound sensible and reasonable. I think you should probably take all of them into consideration.

Personally I think that what happened was performance anxiety and possibly medication related. I incline more toward performance anxiety though because you do not mention any problem maintaining and erection while masturbating.

I have a friend from middle school who began dating a guy when they were both around 26. She confessed to me that when they were making out he would be plenty hard, but when they would try to consummate the relationship he would go limp. It turned out to be performance anxiety ( he was a virgin and she had had several lovers), but they eventually worked through and they have been married 22 years and have two wonderful children.

Also putting a condom on can bum your penis out. If that hapens go back to doing what got it up in the first place and see if you can get her to help you put it on.

5.75 inches is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't believe that the woman who made fun of your size is the sort of person you want an intimate relationship with. There are many polite women out there who are filthy, trashy, trollops in bed and would be thrilled with you and your penis.

I had something similar happen recently... I had difficulty sustaining an erection during sex for any longer than about 10 to 15 minutes... as little as a month and a half ago I could last 30 to 45 minutes without even cumming.

I'm thinking it may have been because I was overly tired, I had been eating a lot of fast food and I was under a lot of stress, but it was still embarrassing. Despite this, I still did my best and got her to have quite a few orgasms. She probably left not offended, but just confused.

So remember, if you can't seem to keep it up and you wanna try to save face, just eat her out until you can't possibly any more.