Is it ok to be dating for so long?

[W_Vzachj]

So this girl and I met over the summer of 2010 and started talking and finally started dating in December. It's close to a year now that we've been dating now and I was wondering if it's not right for a 16 year old (me) and a 14 year old (my girlfriend) to be dating for this long and possibly much longer. What has me thinking this is that my friends havnt had relationships for over half a year and then there's me. I feel her and I have something really amazing and special and weve talked about the possibility that we're in love and I think that I am. I'm not saying that I'm gonna break up with her just from what I hear from others on here but I'd just like to know. Really he only thing I worry is will my parents find that it's right for me being my age and have such a long lasting relationship that could get to be more and more of a serious relationship. After saying all that if anyone has anything they'd like to say please go ahead.

[Brandye]

At those ages, I would encourage you to have a variety of experiences. As amazing as it may seem at 16, by 20 it could be getting stale. The statistics on relationships beginning in the mid-teens lasting for a lifetime are not good.

If dating others reinforces your "specialness," you will not be that far away.

[EvilEvilKitten]

High school and college years are for experimentation and for having learning experiences. Your relationship is fine except if you're talking about her to your friends. That would not be good. Learn now to safeguard your lady by keeping your private life - private.

Do not presume too much. High school relationships are "training relationships" and should not be considered permanent. Enjoy them; learn from them but do not think marriage or love because it is not time for that yet.

[dancingdoc2]

Your questions and concerns are insightful and quite frankly subjects I do not believe too many kids in your age bracket give much if any thought to. Kudos to you.

Teens typically date for one purpose: to find a girl- boyfriend in which they enter into a closed and exclusive relationship. Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. The important reasons for dating are:
a.) to find Mr./Ms. Right from among the many people we encounter
b.) to learn as much about what humanity has to offer as possible so that when this person does enter our life we will be better able to recognize him/her by already having determined what qualities and characteristics are important to us such as:

* character
* morals
* values
* likes/dislikes
* interests
* ideas
* goals
* quirks
* objectives
* potential compatibility, etc.

c.) to have and to develop social interactions and to learn more about the opposite gender as possible while having someone to do interesting activities with.

To accomplish these things we must be willing to date lots of people, either one at a time sequentially, or, by having open relationships with two or more individuals at a time. (Note, if and when the time comes to develop a more involved relationship with that certain someone, we can do this by our behavior--not by declaring a closed exclusive relationship. The results are the same, however, the approach is much more relaxed and flexible with the former.

Dating by its very nature is designed to fail except for the last person. Some people we go out with will begin and end with the first date, others will last thru several, a few will be long lasting, and one or two people we will have a long lasting connection with. In the end all but one will remain. If you want to find that one in a million girl/guy then you have to date a million people! In the meantime, have fun with as many different people as you can over the next several years. You'll find that you will become closer to and have more feelings for some than others and this is as it should be. Some people you date will be more interesting and/or more compatible--others not so, yet with all you will be expanding your insight, knowledge, and horizons--not to mention doing things with others and enjoying new experiences.

The teen years are for individual development. Just because a gal/guy has passed thru puberty does not mean s/he has finished maturing. The teen years are a decade long, beginning about eleven and ending about age twenty one. During these years our brain develops, our body grows and matures, and we develop emotionally and cognitively. Doing so while in the company of others helps the process along.

Girls typically mature sooner than boys by a couple of years; however, in your situation, there are two competing factors tugging at your relationship: first, that while she may be intellectually compatible with you; secondly, by her being two years younger at this stage of her life, she is on a different page of life than you when it comes to life experiences. With the latter it can be enough to reduce your compatibility long term. Simply put, she needs time to do the growing up that you have already accomplished. Better at this stage to date someone your own age.

> I was wondering if it's not right for a 16 year old (me) and a 14 year old (my girlfriend) to be dating for this long and possibly much longer.

In a word: not at all; although, you will probably discover in the not to distant future that the relationship will have run its course as you continue to gain insight and interest in more things and different people. As Brandye stated, if the two of you are meant to be together long term, you will not be that far away. If the two of you are meant to be together long term, you two will be in a much better position to know this by having dated several other people.

As EEK has stated, the teen years are the years for experimentation as well as development and completing the transformation of child to adult. Understand that hormones are ruling your head and emotions and the latter are strong and intense for both of you. It will take you another two-three years for them to balance out and normalize. With this fact in mind, do not place too much faith and stock in the validity of what you are experiencing with your emotions.

I recommend that the two of you familiarize yourselves with the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Discuss what you have learned and add the information to what each of you already knows. Please begin with the section on dating. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

Knowledge is empowering. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

[W_Vzachj]

Thanks. This was a lot of help.