My new guy and my sister don't get along.

[cmunley86]

Well, this isn't related to sex, but here it goes. My guy is good friends with my sister's boyfriend. I understand they are good friends, and I don't mind if they hang out whenever they are around each other. My sister, however doesn't care for it. It seems like my sister tries everything to break us up. She is now using his status updates on fb to try to convince me not to see him anymore.(He posted a lyric to a song, that was irrelevant towards me, people post song lyrics all the time on there.) Yes, he is open sexually, and I know he's had a few partners in the past. So far, I have yet to find anything wrong with him. (Well, little things here and there, but nothing extremely bad). They both come to me to try to be on their side. But, it's really between them, and I don't want to be involved in it. I love my sister to death, and I don't want this to ruin our relationship. I like my guy too, but it seems that if they can't get along, then we can't really continue dating. I am tired of them constantly arguing. So, what can I do to help resolve this?

[dancingdoc2]

Hmmm, how old are all of you?

Does sibling rivalry sound possible?

Does jealousy sound possible?

Does having an account and broadcasting "everything" on FB sound grown up?

[dancingdoc2]

Teens often have issues with self esteem and trust. Jealousy is partly an issue of trust, also. If this is what is happening with your sister, then it manifests itself by not trusting one or both guys and/or you and being threatened by some unrealistic behavior not in evidence.

In order to trust someone, each of us must give a certain amount just to get the relationship of dead stop. If nothing untoward happens then trust continues to be built. Trust is broken when a person breaks a confidence or does something that injures another such as not doing something previously agreed to as just two examples.

Unless or until something happens to jeopardize trust, then there is no sane reason to doubt the other person. To do so just adds angst and doubt and control issues where there ought not be any. If this is what is going on, then understand that this is a matter of immaturity.

-doc

[Ducy]

Have him delete your sister on facebook and set his profile to private.

There is one problem solved.

Second, why does she care if he's friends with her bf? Has she caught them fooling around? Or is she just extremely jealous?!

[cmunley86]

Doc, why I'm frustrated is because we are not teenagers and not in high school! I'm 24, my sister's 23, and he's 22. He doesn't always post statuses on FB, maybe once or twice every couple months or so. He did tell me he was going to block my sister, and his page is already on private, and as is mine. I told them both that I'm not being involved,and to settle it themselves. I'm also not going to mention anything about them arguing again to either of them. Hopefully they realize they are just being dumb about it.

[Aphrodite_66]

Well the other extreme is that your sister is doing all of this to break you and your boyfriend up so that she can swoop like a vulture and claim him for herself.I hope that isn't the case,but it happens.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMFG - stop! Jealousy? Rivalry? Could you be more insulting?

Her sister has issues. In the absence of more information, it is useless as well as insulting to speculate as to why sister cares as much as she does about issues that are none of her business.


Cmun - you're doing exactly as you should - tell them not to include you in their war, tell them to work it out between themselves and you relentlessly speak of other things and expect them to behave like ADULTS.

Next - we're talking about boyfriends here, not husbands, so, Cmun, you stop taking this issue seriously as well.

[cmunley86]

Well, it's over and done with now. I know he's not my husband. I'm not taking it that seriously, lol. And she never caught him cheating. I haven't mentioned it since, and although my sister isn't talking to me, I know she will have to eventually, lol. And I'm not going to worry about this any longer. It is what it is I suppose.

[Aphrodite_66]

EEK and cmunley86 if I was being insulting I apologize,but I do know of a case where someone was acting like she didn't like her sister's boyfriend,but in reality she was just trying to break them up so she could then offer sympathy and get the guy.Maybe she was just being overly protective.I don't have any sisters so I haven't been in that position.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I have a sister however to my experience with her, I also add the rest of my relatives, friends, enemies, and acquaintances. The easiest way to tell what sort of man a woman wants is to see what sort of man she's with or seems to prefer - over time.

Based upon this, FEW women really want the SAME kind of man - judged not superficially but based upon the men's characters - assuming she's a sensible woman (that is, minus damages).

Yes, "they all want their daddy" - PIFFLE. Yes, I like big tall men however his character is nothing like my father's - not that the man didn't have his good points but you had to really look hard to find them while staying beyond arm's reach. Mom enjoyed a good battle however, which explains why she married him. I prefer a more peaceful existence.

I was in just such a situation, man-stealing by another, and I simply smiled and let it go. That 'relationship' didn't last more than 6 months - as I knew it wouldn't. Ah well! (Can you see my grin from where you're sitting?)

AND this is just another good reason NOT to date one man at a time.