When to call/text him?

[blueyeslove]

When do you call or text the guy you are dating? Just see what everyone else's opinions are on this. Mostly girls opinions..
Do you text first, then call/ask if you can call if they are not busy?
What do you text them?
Do you keep it sweet and simple, ask them how their day was, or try to get a conversation going out of the blue?
Do you go a day or 2 without talking to them (because everyone has busy lives)
And also, some guys are chasers (maybe more not really sure) they like a girl with mystery and I know that goes the same for girls.
What do you guys think?

[Ducy]

I just text. I don't do this whole "wait a day" crap that seems to be a rule. I mean if a girl gets my number and texts me an hour later awesome. If she decides to wait 3 days and call, then she ought to be busy, and not following some unwritten rule.

I find texting to be a lot less formal and its easier to converse. I am quite busy during the day. So it gives me the ability to talk to someone without sitting there with a phone to my ear and having to concentrate. I may doze off while texting them and when I wake up ill text back. If they don't reply right away I take it as "Oh they're busy" no worries.

Depending on the stage of the friendship, a simple "hey how's it going" could suffice. If its my girlfriend or a fwb its generally "So I had an interesting dream last night" and well...you know the rest.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by blueyeslove

When do you call or text the guy you are dating?

I'm going to offer the flip side to Ducy's reply, above. I do believe in etiquette to apra pois. Also, I never telephone anyone before 9:00 AM or 9:00 PM unless I have the person's permission. Calling before or after this window is simply rude unless you know the person is up and around and open to talking.

As for texting, I believe this is OK to do when a casual comment or question is all; although, as Ducy points out, he and others can be busy and can reply whenever convenient. Good point.

Just see what everyone else's opinions are on this. Mostly girls opinions..
Do you text first, then call/ask if you can call if they are not busy?
What do you text them?

I'm old school and believe that conversing on the phone conveys more information and is more personal than texting and E-mailing.

I suppose you can text first then call; however, since the phone rings in either case, why not just call? If the person is busy, he will have to either type that he is or pick up and tell you in person. I like the latter, and it is easier to advise a more suitable time. Talking more often than not is easier than trying to finger those tiny little virtual buttons!

Do you keep it sweet and simple, ask them how their day was, or try to get a conversation going out of the blue?

Sweet and simple texting is OK for a quick hello or "just thinking about you" message. As noted, texting is OK when a short message or answer is necessary. It really boils down to how the couple want to interact with each other.

Do you go a day or 2 without talking to them (because everyone has busy lives)

Old school is that you wait a day to telephone back after a date. You can chat without seeming to be too clingy.

And also, some guys are chasers (maybe more not really sure) they like a girl with mystery and I know that goes the same for girls.
What do you guys think?

Asked and answered.

Originally Posted by Ducy

I just text. I don't do this whole "wait a day" crap that seems to be a rule. I mean if a girl gets my number and texts me an hour later awesome. If she decides to wait 3 days and call, then she ought to be busy, and not following some unwritten rule.

Crap? Wait a day? Once again it depends upon your agreement.

Wait three days? Hmm, why not telephone her?

Unwritten rule or not, some situations are simply better when you eliminate the "crap" and have an agreement between you. Etiquette still rules.

I find texting to be a lot less formal and its easier to converse. I am quite busy during the day. So it gives me the ability to talk to someone without sitting there with a phone to my ear and having to concentrate. I may doze off while texting them and when I wake up ill text back. If they don't reply right away I take it as "Oh they're busy" no worries.

That is indeed funny. "I am quite busy during the day." "I may doze off while texting...."

Depending on the stage of the friendship, a simple "hey how's it going" could suffice. If its my girlfriend or a fwb its generally "So I had an interesting dream last night" and well...you know the rest.

I agree that texting like this is OK; however, I definitely recommend using the telephone for setting up a date, etc., and for more serious conversations. Ya jus' don't get vocal inflections via the printed word. (I know someday some couple will text their wedding vows to each other. Grumph......

[EvilEvilKitten]

I call, let it ring three times - if not answered, I hang up. He will reutrn my call later when he's free to talk. No hurry. For long relaxed conversations.

Texts are for the daytime when asking a short specific question.

E-mail for passing on items of interest.

[Ducy]

Lol sorry doc. I do realize that my post seems kinda...off...to say the least. I meant to say

With my schedule, my days are quite hectice. I could be running errands and taking care of people all day, or I could be slipping in and out of sleep because I worked graveyard the night before. Many times I have been texting someone and dozed off only to resume the conversation upon waking or just become sidetracked because I'm taking care of a family member or running to the gym.

As far as the calling past 9pm I do agree with you. I didn't mean call or text whenever. I just don't think you should have to wait. Its ridiculous how many girls and guys think you should wait three days before calling since it makes you look "independent and not desperate". Seriously? So you can't just be up front and say "hi" and show you are interested in talking to them?

Also in this day and age, depending on the age of the OP, texting could be the main source of communication. I know most people 24 and younger have lost the ancient technique of the phone call. It is nice to call and set up a date. But most people seem to be incredibly turned off by a phone call.

[Brandye]

How about talking to him fact-to-face. Most communication is non-verbal and that is lost through any digital communication.

Hard 2 c what he really says wit a line like this.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It is true, there are some 'relationship counselors' who tell people, mostly men, to WAIT to call and when you do call, keep it short, to the point, and light - nothing serious. "Keep the Power" is their slogan. "Keep Her Guessing - It will Intrigue Her." This is the sort of thing Ducy was talking about.

You can imagine what happens if both are playing this "Be a Challenge" game.

[Ducy]

LOL happened to me once EEK. Never went anywhere we both thought the other wasn't interested. Only to find out later the truth lol.

I also had a girl following the rules from "He's just not that into you" or some BS sappy chick flick. I got sick of her games real fast and cut off communication. I was then the "insensitive prick" for not falling into it

[RedRoses]

I have little experience "dating", so my perspective comes mostly from friendships or friendships-to-be, which I suppose is not that different all together. I do agree with Ducy; there are no wait-x-time-before-calling-rules. Though when you always call him and he never calls you, you may like to think about whether you're simply not giving him the chance to call (true story of a former friend of mine ).

I also agree with Brandye on face-to-face-communication. But: your phone could be the way to make that happen. I usually text. Especially if he only has a cellphone number (and a lot of people I know do). Because people carry those things with them everywhere, you'll never know where someone is and how inconvenient a time it is when you call. Surprisingly; a lot of people I know do have the strange habit to always pick up their phone, no matter what. Could be the kind of crowd I hang out with

What do I text? Easy; whatever I wanted to ask or do. So, if I was looking for a chat, I'll ask him if he'd like to meet up for coffee or lunch or whatever. If I want to have dinner, I'll ask that and usually tempt them with a delicious description of whatever it is I'll be cooking A simple "how are you" could also just be it. Mostly followed by casually mentioning whatever I'm doing or feeling or whatever at the moment.

That's my general approach. Once you get to know someone better, you can tailor the ways of communication. Come to think of it; I use different ways of communicating with all people I know. With some people I stay in close contact by e-mailing and an occasional text or call, keeping a close friendship for years, even though we rarely see eachother in person. Some are the exact opposite. They do read their e-mails, but never respond to it. Only when I coincidentally walk into them: "Jeez, forgot to reply to your e-mail! Comon let's have coffee. I'm buying!". Which will be a great coffee, nevertheless. I occasionally do call people. Especially those on tight schedules with who it seems impossible to meet up. You can hear so much from how someone talks. Particularly when you know someone, you'll hear it if their "I'm fine" is not sincere. Or I call when I'd like to quickly consult them on something. In that case; texts are simply too short. If I can't get hold of someone, I'll either leave a voicemail, do nothing (they'll reply to missed call) or text a simple: "how are you? could you call me back?". Several people I know do have voicemails, but have forgotten they own one Or have turned of their missed call-notification. Then there are those who are anti-organizer and anti-planning. It's either now or they don't know whether they'll make it tomorrow. Those are usually also the kind who don't mind -actually like- unexpected visitors. Etcetera...

Again; could be the kind of people I hang out with. And perhaps I am too accommodating. It's just that I feel comfortable with whatever way of continuing communication, so I'm not that demanding when it comes to fitting to their preference. I guess my only condition would be that it's mutual. I'm not going to be the one always taking initiative texting, calling, e-mailing or whatever. He should express similar (spontaneous) interest in me.

[dancingdoc2]

As great as cellphones are, their sound quality is not as good as landline phones.

In the past I had several of the bells and whistles accessories such as caller ID and call waiting, etc. Nowadays, I have the least expensive measured rate service Ma Bell offers and use my cell for long--long distance calls.

I also screen calls for three reasons:
R#1-- I can decide whether or not to talk with the person right then and now
R#2-- I know who is calling, regardless
R#3-- If I do not pick up or am not at home, the answering machine is waiting to record their message.

My cellphone service is about the least expensive available (under $10/mo.) and I have chosen not to enable Voice Mail because it is and always will be my secondary means of communication. I do use my GOOGLE voice number occasionally for those times when someone absolutely positively needs to reach me. (This one number rings two or more other phones at the same time, takes a voice message, and E-mails a transcript--FREE!)

You can infer from this that I talk when I want to yet am always "available" so to speak. My best friend is a night owl so we chat after 11:00 PM. Even though I might be up that late, I do not want to chat with most people most of the time after 9:00, and I respect other people's privacy.

E-mail has no constraints as it is virtually timeless. I can send a message anytime anywhere and the recipient can read it at his/her leisure. I have sent exactly three text messages in all the years the service has been available. I find using it to be extremely bothersome, sometimes frustrating, and, just generally an annoying activity.

Originally Posted by RedRoses

I usually text. Especially if he only has a cellphone number...

I usually chat, especially if s/he only has a cellphone number. Texting is time consuming, requires more time and effort; talking accomplishes the same thing and more, without all the trouble.

Surprisingly; a lot of people I know do have the strange habit to always pick up their phone, no matter what. Could be the kind of crowd I hang out with

What is even more annoying (to me) while in his/her company is that the person will answer, take the call, and leave me hanging. This is just rude! yet people do not understand the concept of manners, etiquette, and who's on "first" so to speak.

OH!~ yea, and then there are those individuals who believe they must raise their voice when using a cellphone, even in a quiet environment. I tried an experiment a couple of times: While a person walking down the street was talking and could see me, I put my finger to my lips after I could hear their end of the conversation. Another time, even though I did not react, was when a man was walking past the house on his morning constitutional and had his party on speaker phone. Both were speaking loudly to each other yet the annoying part was that the other person's voice sounded scratchy and harsh over the speaker!

BTW, RR, FWIW, I'll continue to p/m you, I have good results with it.

Originally Posted by Brandye

How about talking to him fact-to-face. Most communication is non-verbal and that is lost through any digital communication.

Hard 2 c what he really says wit a line like this.

My point exactly.

Originally Posted by Ducy

Also in this day and age, depending on the age of the OP, texting could be the main source of communication. I know most people 24 and younger have lost the ancient technique of the phone call. It is nice to call and set up a date. But most people seem to be incredibly turned off by a phone call.

Maybe so, yet not all technological marvels are good for intimacy. Also, when people complain about the lack of communication in their relationships, one can perhaps start with this when analyzing why.

I get that new technology is fun and intriguing and inviting, yet one must also ask at what price? Consider for the sake of argument that the first and only real improvement to ease of communication was when the dial wheel replaced the telephone operator who would after a bit of a delay, ask: "Number Please." Now those were the days when you could chat with the operator and often have three or so nosy neighbors listening in on the party line.... (or so I've been told. )

So what else has living in the fast track done? Well,

* more young people are killed in vehicle accidents than ever before
* more (young) people are complaining about the quality of their sex life yet have never learned the reasons why taking ones time is so important to the desired end result
* more couples have communication problems within their relationships and know not why. Perhaps communicating using dual monologues is a major reason. Or, maybe just this:
* Of course the opposite is also true when you overhear two people "communicating" by both talking or raising their voices to each other at the same time. When both people are talking at the same time, how can it be possible to hear what is truly being said. Why do people think it is so important to talk above someone else? What's the rush? Where are their manners? Just shut up and listen, then comment when the person speaking has finished.

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

I call, let it ring three times - if not answered, I hang up. He will reutrn my call later when he's free to talk. No hurry. For long relaxed conversations.

It is now 8:45 AM, time to get my day underway. I'll make my first telephone call of the day in fifteen minutes. If he does not answer, I'll leave a message for him to take action upon, later.

Thanks for reading, I feel much better now; and, just think, I didn't have to talk to or message any of you! in order to get all this off my chest.

-doc