Ladies... Am i being played?

[anony_mouse]

Hi,

I love what you have going on here and could really use an un-biased opinion about a 'relationship' i am experiencing issues with. This will be a fairly long story but is indeed a GOOD read. so strap yourself in.

A bit about me. I currently have chronic depression to which i am medicated for and which is managed by the medication. I am not your typical go out there and get laid to anything that moves guy, I have morals and am looking for something meaningful rather than meaningless. I do not do one night stands. I absolutely hate cheaters and liars. I have been cheated on in the past. I treat women with the upmost respect. I am 22. She is 20

I have known this girl now for about 6 months. Have been getting closer / getting to know her for maybe 2-3 months. We are both single

We have basically shared everything. Or so i am told. (yes it is quite intimate the details i know and i don't imagine she tells a lot of people) She has shared deep dark secrets with me she advises only me and 1 other know about. Vice versa.

We see each other on regular occasion and i am constantly getting flirty signals from her both physically and via text.

She has told me numerous times that she 'really really likes me' and that i am 'the guy any girl would be lucky to have'

Now the dilemma.....

Everytime she comes over we are close to the point of being in a relationship. Cuddling up, holding each other. kissing, making out. pecking as we walk past each other. Sleeping in each others arms, etc.

She talks to me as though we ARE in a relationship. She gets jealous if i talk to other girls (just talking to them... She jokes about me hooking up with them.. ultimately checking up on me) which i THOUGHT was a good sign (jealousy means she cares... right?) She also kissed one guy since we have been seeing each other and has apologised over and over again for doing so and regrets it.. I advised he we are still single so thus she can do what she wants.

Now....

I have asked her numerous times over and over again where she stands on us and if she would consider a relationship. She has advised me the following responses. Not in any particular order

* I'm not ready for a relationship right now
* I'm probably going overseas soon so it's not fair on you if we do be together (she has been wanting to go overseas for 2 years for a while now. Is not open to the suggestion of getting a job. settling down and traveling every 6-12 months for a few months until she see's the places she wants to see)
* I don't want to hurt you
* I'm not looking for anything serious
* I really like you but i'm not sure.
* I can't right now. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You're so beautiful/sweet.

I basically let her live her own life and all i ask is that we have the 'relationship stuff' as well as the loyalty that comes with it. Live our own lives still. Follow our own dreams. A typical relationship status right? She still gives me the above answers or tries to change the subject or just doesn't respond when i ask her anymore. I'm not perfect and i in no way care about her imperfections. (not that she has any in my eyes. But all girls are self-conscious) She knows this.

I have advised her previously that she should stop playing me and leave me alone. Unless she is interested in seeing where things go we should stop what we are doing for a while until emotions leave and we just be friends.

She didn't like this. apologised for anything she had done 'unintentially' and basically said she 'really liked me' blah and so on so forth. we are back in the vicious cycle...

LAST NIGHT....

she advised me that she really wants to settle down and have kids as she really wants kids. So i'm thinking. Great... She has made her mind up and wants to give us a go... WRONG! She says (refer to the above choices.. Take your pick)

Today all day she has been messaging me flirty messages, saying that she misses me, wants to see me, wants to come over. etc.... But seriously... Can't have your cake and eat it too right?

What i want is an un-biased opinion on all this.

Is she playing me?? Or what the hell is wrong with her??

Cheers,
(Feel free to pm me if you want to clarify anything or ask here)

[lnt1103]

Lay your cards on the table again, and stick to it this time. It won't be easy, but you owe it to yourself. If she can give you everything but what you need, she can't give you enough. Trust me, if she can't there's someone out there who can, and for your own sake you need to cut this one loose.

[dancingdoc2]

Your account has a lot of twists and turns, plus had you read it, answers to a couple of concerns.

When you are on meds, how does your depression manifest itself, or does it? If there are no outward signs then do not make this a public issue. It is important for a girlfriend to know and understand but no one else.

> Everytime she comes over we are close to the point of being in a relationship. Cuddling up, holding each other. kissing, making out. pecking as we walk past each other. Sleeping in each others arms, etc.

These activities do not a "relationship" make. Good friends or FWB's can and do these things and there is no "relationship".

She has stated that she is not ready to be in a relationship; that said, step back and do not push. If and when this is to happen, it will.

> I absolutely hate cheaters and liars. I have been cheated on in the past.

Unless and until you have a contract in hand, there can be no actual cheating. Dating should be an open ended activity. Please read what I have had to say about the subject.

> She gets jealous if i talk to other girls (just talking to them... She jokes about me hooking up with them.. ultimately checking up on me) which i THOUGHT was a good sign (jealousy means she cares... right?)
WRONG!

Jealousy is a sign of immaturity, and, insecurity. It also has to do with a major lack of trust in someone else.

> She also kissed one guy since we have been seeing each other
> I have been cheated on in the past.

How is one any different than the other? As noted, dating is open ended and should be non-exclusive.

Your girlfriend seems very indecisive and you sound very naive. She has told you that she is not ready for a relationship. She has also said you would be ideal for someone else--this is girl speak for you to start dating others who are more compatible with you. Right now she has plans to sew her wild oats and to see the world. Yes, she wants to have children, just not now.

Keep her as a casual friend if it works for the two of you. In the meantime, begin dating, learning about others, so that when Ms. Right does come along you will be better able to recognize her.

[Brandye]

Doc says it very well. Let me be more direct: Yes, you are being played. You have two choices: Play the game or find one who cares.

[EvilEvilKitten]

She is NOT playing you. Sorry, Brandye - but 'playing' is done with 'aforethought' and this girl, being only 20, is merely being scatterbrained, insecure, and indecisive.

Look, she got together with this "loyalty-demanding before he has any right to it" guy when she truly does NOT know what she wants. Oh, in the dim and misty future she wants kids, etc., etc., etc., but NOT right now. This was a mistake and she's trying to find a way out.

Guy - this is NOT the girl for you and you do not now, nor will you ever have, a "relationship" with her. Move on.

But before you do, please learn that YOU have to EARN her loyalty, not demand it from the get-go and that you ONLY have those rights over her that she chooses to give you. She is NOT married to you, therefore adultery does NOT apply.

And being so "GRASPING" will drive women away.

[Brandye]

OK, she is not playing him because she is not yet capable of understanding her actions. We all went through that stage and wondered why we could not get along with men.

Bootom line is we agree - not the right girl or the right boy. Move on.

[Ducy]

LOL sounds like my ex roomate. She doesn't happen to live in Vernon California does she?

EEK hit the nail on the head. She is a foolish little girl.

[sej3991]

this is a little late, but i just have to say i was seeing a guy who was just like this... he lead me on for quite a while, was very hot and cold when it came to emotions, and generally just confused me so much while letting me develop feelings for him. it really does come down to maturity (he's a lot older than me, so i figured he'd be mature, obviously i was wrong). basically we settled things by ruling out the idea of ever being in a proper relationship, now it's more of a casual thing. definitely get out of it if you can, though. it's the best thing to do, i wish i could.

[EvilEvilKitten]

sej - of course you can get out of it! Unless you have children with him or are married to him - nothing's easier than getting rid of a man.

1. forget his name
2. don't return calls or answer emails, texts etc.
3. contradict everything he says
4. don't show up when expected
5. say "Goodbye."

[hot-texan]

unless he's psycho, letting your guy go, isn't that hard ... tell him you want out because there's someone else you are interested in and then tell him good bye and good luck with his next gf

clear concise and to the point, and you can walk away knowing you did the right thing