Never been on a date

[aialik]

So, I just turned 40 and have never been on a date. I've had a few meaningless FWB type relationships but not a real date - my definition of date being going out and having dinner, going to a movie, etc.; building a relationship where you truly care for the person.

I do have some social anxiety and past sexual abuse issues that I'm currently seeking counseling for but no hangups with men in general.

I would like to eventually date before I die but I know I would be way too embarrassed to do so at this point. The reason being is that it's not exactly "normal" not to have dated anyone at this stage and I know it will come up in conversation e.g. "what type of guys are you interested in", etc.

I guess I'm just wondering, from a male perspective (or female), what would you think if the person you started dating told you that she/he had never dated before?

[dancingdoc2]

> I guess I'm just wondering, from a male perspective (or female), what would you think if the person you started dating told you that she/he had never dated before?

If you were reading this information for the first time, how would you answer the person? I believe this would be a good place to begin gaining some insight.

Without knowing any more than you have provided, we can all wonder yet of what benefit is it to us to simply guess as to why and stress us out from not knowing the actual reason(s) up front?

For example, I wonder if:

* S/he has had a long term illness
* I wonder if s/he has psychological issues that have not been dealt with
* I wonder if s/he is a goal driven individual who has been on a quest to develop some medical cure, gadget, widget, or, new product to the exclusion of having a "life"
+ I wonder if the person in question is a workaholic
* It crosses my mind that perhaps s/he has an issue with self esteem and feels unworthy of developing a meaningful relationship
* Curiosity causes me to wonder if this person is so full of him- herself or self centered that there is no room to have a friendship and later a more meaningful relationship with another person
* On the flip side it would be interesting to learn if the person is simply enjoying life exploring, going places and doing things and has up to this point seen no reason to share these experiences and adventures with a second party
* I wonder....

Asking what one or more of us think simply adds consternation to the situation and question and provides no constructive answer. In other words, asking us to guess why is not helping the person {you) become honest, and defuse the possible "what if's" right up front.

If and when the question of previous relationships comes up be honest with the your date and only provide enough information to address the question. Understand that each new relationship has its own "Square One" from which it begins. Other relationships matter only to current or future relationships insofar as experience and insight are concerned. Each is unique unto itself. So, that said, please read the articles listed in the Index regarding dating and GO FOR IT. Let family, friends, and, coworkers know that you are looking for a person to date and enlist their help. It's called "networking". Join a social club or professional organizations in which to meet people and also add to the networking. Sitting home looking out the front window ain't a gonna get you anywhere.

Where have you been and what have you been doing for the past two years? You joined nearly two years ago and have posted only twice, this begs the question: "I wonder why?"

-doc

[NagyApu]

If you and I are going ice skating, then I had better tell you that I have never touched a pair of ice skates in my entire life. On the other hand, if you and I are going to get together because we like to talk and share feelings and ideas with each other it is completely unlikely that this is an experience that I have not had. Perhaps I have never had it with a person of your gender, or perhaps I have never done it in quite the premeditated way that we are planning, but, short of just waking up from a 40 year coma, I do have experience.

Thus for our first several meetings there is nothing to tell. Now, if it develops that both of us want to continue these meetings on a regular and perhaps exclusive basis, I may want to tell you that this is something that I don't have much experience with. On the other hand, by this time I may know you well enough to know that you don't much care about my past with others, but about the present with you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"I've had a few meaningless FWB type relationships but not a real date"

Excuse me but your definitions are quite skewed.
1st - there is no such thing as a 'meaningless' FWB relationship - which is FRIENDS outside of the bedroom as well as within it. You should actually CARE for your FWBs BEFORE they get to be FWBs.
2nd - you're idea of a 'real' date is hopelessly 'teenager' - not there's anything wrong with having dinner but you're a 40 year old woman - prime time! Why aren't you two going out dancing?
3rd - there is no such thing as 'meaningless sex' because it is difficult if not impossible to hide when you're naked.

Furthermore why on earth would anyone ever ask such a question or raise the topic? Never been on a date. ANYTHING could be called a date. IF you have ever agreed to meet a specific person at a specific place and time for a specific reason - that was a date.