Asking For Numbers

[Ducy]

Hey guys, so I have a question for you. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammatical errors. I purchased a netbook and am getting used to the keyboard still.

Anyways, I have been on a "roll" so to speak. I was covering at another gym for graveyard shifts and happened to start a conversation with a woman there who was the closer. We hit it off and talked for a solid hour before finally saying our goodbyes. Anyways, ran into her yesterday and it was the last time I would be seeing her so I figured I'd ask for her number. I just pretty much said "Hey whats your number? We should hang out some time." She gave me it. Then tonight, after talking with a girl that I have had an interest in for about a month, I finally asked for her number. She told me up front she had a bf and couldn't do that but if I wanted it to just "whatever". So I just kinda laughed and said I just thought it would be cool to workout together and talk. (Very similar personalities).

So here comes the questions of the century.

I am at a loss for words as to what to say to girl number 1 (coworker). She is 19 and being 21 I cant really invite her out for drinks. And she isn't too much of a fitness junkie, so it doesn't make sense to invite her for a workout. I think I should cut my losses since I want a girl who can come out to the club and bar with me. Should I? Thoughts...opinions?

As far as the boyfriend girl. She was so upfront with me, like she looked me over for about half a second and then just blurted she had a boyfriend. Like at first she started to say it with conviction and as she continued on she seemed to lose her confidence. I mean ladies if you got asked for a number would you say

I believe it was "I have a boyfriend I cant do that..but if you want it to..w.e...."?

Its funny because she teased me last week about over analyzing which I know I am doing but I usually I am right when I "over analyze". Her tone and body language said one thing, her face said another, and her words said a third...so I just don't know how to approach her. Should I text her one day inviting her to work out? Or just stick to seeing her when she comes in while I am working.

I figure there is no right or wrong answer, and that odds are I'm just not making sense, but I don't do too well thinking about things. Laying them out on paper or on a computer screen usually clears it up for me.

[epicsexy]

Since your unsure about calling or texting her, why don't you just ask her in person? As far as your coworker, my ex bf was 21 and I was only 17, we always found fun things to do together, but now that I'm 21 I can say going to clubs and bars are a lot more fun. If you don't think you guys would have anything in common, don't waste your time.

[dancingdoc2]

> I want a girl who can come out to the club and bar with me. Should I? Thoughts...opinions?

Club and bar? For the life of me I do not understand the attraction. For those of you who consider drinking, getting inebriated, making an ass out of yourselves fondling the woman, driving home drunk, a social activity (date?) then my reply is to get a life. Do something really productive like going someplace to do something interesting, even if it is to a park or beside a hiking trail with a picnic basket and just talking and getting to know each other.

Alternately, why not take this a step further and find out what her interests are and do one of these with her? Or, one of your interests that she expresses an interest in. What, no common interests? Then talk and go on a mission of discovery together. I just find the bar scene, lame!

Certainly there must be more to do with someone in the O.C. than sit on a bar stool. Tell a prospective date that you have been interested in learning to Ballroom dance and would she be interested in taking group lessons with you. (See my signature for advantages.)

> I finally asked for her number. She told me up front she had a bf and couldn't do that but if I wanted it to just "whatever". So I just kinda laughed and said I just thought it would be cool to workout together and talk. (Very similar personalities).

I do not find anything wrong with this; however, the boyfriend should be in the loop. Now, if you were attempting to interject yourself between the two of them as in wanting to date her, then my recommendation is to stay out of their relationship until such time as she is unattached.

> Her tone and body language said one thing, her face said another, and her words said a third...so I just don't know how to approach her.

"Yes", "no", "maybe"? Only she can tell you which language she is using to communicate.

1. Do not interfere and stay out of her personal life
2. Ask her directly if she would like a workout partner who can chit-chat
3. Ask if she wants a friend and if so, keep things at this level

> I don't do too well thinking about things. Laying them out on paper or on a computer screen usually clears it up for me.

Thereyago...I have just created a Flowchart for you.

You should also check the newspapers for upcoming activities and events and then pick one and ask #1 if she would like to go with you. 'peat and repeat prior to each date. I grew up in a small town in the heart of California's Mother Lode Gold country, having lived in various cities in the Central and San Joaquin valleys, and, Bay Area, also, I've never been at a loss for something to do on a date. Ducy, begin expanding your horizons. Come up with a laundry list of things to do and places to go so that when you do want to ask someone out on a date, you have an "activities guide" to pull from.

-doc

[Ducy]

Doc I am no hardcore drinker. I enjoy a few drinks here and there. The reason I want someone who can go out to a bar or club is because most of my friends like to go to 21 and up places. Its not that I wouldn't a normal date, I just want someone who can go out with my friends (they all bring their gf's with them and it can sometimes be awkard feeling like the 9th wheel)

Plus 18 and up clubs are annoying because even though you have a bracelet or stamp, every bartender acts like your not really 21 and every 18 year old asks you or flirts with you so that you will get them a drink. Incredibly annoying and the whole "girls flirting with you for drinks" only causes problems with gf's and such.

The girl with the bf. I am not trying to get in between. I do find her interesting and wouldn't mind dating if she was single, but the moment she said bf she got categorized in the 'cant touch' section. I told her I was just figuring we could workout some time since I am always giving her advice. But the whole response to me asking is what threw me for a loop.

[dancingdoc2]

The first several dates should be just the two of you. No double dating, no meeting with friends. As for the latter, save this for some time down the road after the two of you get to know each other. Meeting with friends is OK, but it puts the kibosh on any getting to know someone and I'd think this is more important in the early stages--unless all you want to do is just socialize with no other purpose in mind.

> I just want someone who can go out with my friends (they all bring their gf's with them and it can sometimes be awkard feeling like the 9th wheel)

All y'all meet at a restaurant and have dinner and/or desert together. Chat.

[Ducy]

Although it was a semi tough decision, I decided to just stop pursuing the 19 year old. I did however decide to continue talking to the other woman and I must say I think she is my good luck charm!

The first night we talked I found a car for sale (I have been in need of a car for a few months, and I am in love with Jeep Wranglers). It was a gorgeous 98 Jeep for dirt cheap. Well the next day I tried to call the woman and she posted a disconnected number. So I decided to email her in hopes she would reply (I was very disappointed because I had cash in hand)

Anyways, she added me on facebook and I started texting her and we worked out and then talked for several hours. I then woke up to a reply email from the woman with the jeep. She answered all my questions, gave me a link for more pics and I am just...ecstatic right now. Now you guys may think I am over analyzing but it every time I have ever talked to her, even when it was just a passing conversation, things seemed to go my way for about 24 hours after haha.

I am however not getting in between her and her bf. I have no interest in "weaseling in", in fact I think she would be a great friend to have because she is so mature and quiet intelligent. Refreshing from all the ditzy, brain dead girls that I talk to on a daily basis!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Boyfriend or no boyfriend, she remains "fair game".

Yes, I know you guys have this "no poaching" rule but look at it - you're effectively saying "this is just between us men" as if you two guys had the right to dispose of her as you two decide with no input from her. You now know my opinion of the 'no poaching' rule.

Her boyfriend is her problem.

And then there are women who enjoy the company of more than one man at a time or like to date around. And there are women who have 'boyfriends of convenience' - there only when she wants him. And there are women with entirely mythical boyfriends who they mention to get guys to back-off; taking advantage of the 'no poaching' rule.

So, guys, if she has a boyfriend - it doesn't matter.

[Ducy]

Lol EEK. I always enjoy your input. I thought that this was her "back off" excuse. Considering she never talks about him and such. But hey, that's fine with me. I am in no condition to date yet. I mean I pretty much bus it everywhere. Perhaps once I am capable of driving, I will begin to think in terms of boyfriend #2 hahaha

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, I am consistent. I truly believe that people are better off if they 'date around' and are non-exclusive in their spouse-hunting relationships because it forces them to be adult and to face up to reality regardless of their gender.
Since this is what I believe, this is what I 'preach' fully aware that most people will not agree with me for various reasons most of them foolish.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Ducy

The reason I want someone who can go out to a bar or club is because most of my friends like to go to 21 and up places.

Perhaps you should take the HIGH road and suggest to your friends that you go "here" and do "that" the next time you want to invite a girl to participate in your life, if even for a one-off evening.

Originally Posted by EEK

Well, I am consistent. I truly believe that people are better off if they 'date around' and are non-exclusive in their spouse-hunting relationships because it forces them to be adult and to face up to reality regardless of their gender.
Since this is what I believe, this is what I 'preach' fully aware that most people will not agree with me for various reasons most of them foolish.

Ditto! As I too am on record.

Back in the Day, Ducy, when the only car I occasionally had access to was my college roommate's, and on this particular day he would be using it, I asked this girl if she wanted to take a scenic ride in a poor man's limo. She said "yes" even before I outlined my plan, that was to take a bus ride around town and to just look at the sights for an hour or so. Corny? Heck ya, but I got the better view: She sat next to the window, while I got to sit next to her, and view both her and the passing scenery. We both got to see much of the city we were both largely unfamiliar with. We stopped at a restaurant and ate, chatted, and generally had a good time getting acquainted. Bars? Ain't no way....

We lived a bus stop away from each other so I got on, first, rode the bus to her stop, and when the door opened I got up, went to the door and invited her in. The bus was nearly empty so we sat near the rear. After eating, we left the restaurant and had a good time chatting at the bus stop while we waited for the next "limo". At the end of the date, I walked her home from the bus stop and then walked a couple of blocks back to my place. Imagination, Ducy...Imagination....

P.S. since this bus is a poor man's limo, why not invite your friends, too?