FINDING A PERSON TO DATE: Where are the men? Where are the women?

[dancingdoc2]

For the fellas: How do you find a girl/woman to date?

For the gals: How do you find a fella to date?

If you do a search of the forums, you will find many replies to people who have no idea how to handle this age-ol' quandary.

A very good M.O. {Modus Operendi) is to start your search by informing family, friends, and/or coworkers that you are interested in dating and asking for their help in finding someone also interested in dating. This is called "networking". The more people you have looking among the people they know, the better your chances of finding who is also looking.

Let each person interested in helping you know some initial qualifications of interest to you. Do not make this a lengthy "shopping list", keep your list very short and sweet. Let the process of dating weed out people you may not be compatible with.

Finding someone interested in going out on your own:

Anything worth having is worth working for. Here are steps you can consider doing:

* Ask a coworker (not on the same shift if in the same room/facility
* Join a social or sports organization in which women participate, (or men, if you are a woman) also
* Attend a church of your choice and join in one or more of their social or scholastic groups
* Volunteer to do work for some organization

This is what dating is and should be all about: asking people out in order to learn more about each other, to see how your date interacts with others in public, and, to decide what characteristics about others you want or do not want.

> I don't know her well enough to even consider bf gf. I mean, our personalities seem so different it just doesn't seem like bf gf is even an option.

This is what dating is supposed to determine--compatibility. Some dates will last one or two occasions, others somewhat longer, a few long term, and one, will prove to be a keeper. Expect rejections because sooner or later all will fall by the wayside--except for thee one. In the meantime, go at the process with the intent and purpose of having fun and something to do on a Friday night instead of being home watching TV.

As noted, if she likes you, she will find time to spend with you for as long as it suits her purpose. If this is not a match, simply move on to the next person in line. No harm, no foul.

You date. You develop a friendship; first and foremost. Each of you determines whether the two of you are a match. Once you have a good friendship established, then you can try adding a bit of romance into the mix. (Notice, I said romance, not "sex".) Fooling around and making out in progressive steps comes before jumping in the sack. Don't put the cart before the horse.

> I also have interest in this other girl that I am more interested in bf gf. My dilemma with her is how to go about the whole dating thing lol.

YOU ASK HER OUT ON A DATE TO DO SOMETHING SPECIFIC ON A PARTICULAR DAY AND AT A CERTAIN TIME.

Dating by its very nature is open ended. People should be able to date one or more people at a time. Exclusivity comes later and need not be declared. Often exclusivity is implied by the behavior and actions of the two people involved.

> I want to have a dinner date tomorrow but should I text her today or call her today or txt. call tomorrow?

Use the telephone. Never E-mail or send text messages. Hearing your voice puts a personality behind the words. A voice is much more personal. A voice demonstrates an added degree of planning and thought. A voice says "I care enough" to speak to you in person and ask. A voice lets each of you hear vocal inflections so you do not have to read between the lines, so to speak.

> I feel like calling is so last gen and awkward. I have no clue

Here is your clue. Get a clue! Sometimes the old ways are the best ways because they work. To illustrate my point, go to the store or gift shop and look at all the greeting cards available. Sending a card or handing her a card or letting her discover a hidden card that you personally took the time and trouble to sort thru and select is much more important and telling than receiving a virtual card by E-mail that you saw on some website. Where's the paper, and the sealed envelope, and, the expectation? Geez, I hope you do not text your girlfriend and ask her to marry you!

Please read the articles listed in the Index under the heading: SUGGESTIONS FOR DATING