The Age old question 28 & 19

[Roivas]

I recently have become involved in a relationship with a 19 year old woman. We get along fairly well and I was surprised that we also have quite a bit in common in terms of long term goals and sexual appetite. None of my friends or family seem concerned about the age gap, some have gone so far as to congratulate me, but is this something that people would find creepy?

While I'm not concerned about what others think of me, her being so young receiving backlash would be something I am against. Is a nine year age gap a problem? What would you ladies think about dating a man who is nearly a decade older than you?

[pcp71]

it may pose a few social issues right now and she will get a few odd looks more than you might, but if it works for both of you, I wouldn't worry so much about it. When she's 40 and your 49 it won't be an issue

[lnt1103]

The only thing I would submit is that at 19, she still has some mental growing to do before she gets to where you are at 28. In my experience, we're not mentally/emotionally "who" we're going to be our whole adult lives, until we reach 25 or 26.

She simply hasn't done near as much living as you have; hasn't seen as much as you have; hasn't been through as much; therefore, she may not have developed maturity and coping skills in certain areas to the degree that you have. As long as you recognize that, and communicate through it, you can be fine.

As far as backlash, IMO she's of consensual age, so other people can shut up. But you're both going to have to be in the mental place to say that yourselves. Rhetorically....there's a reason people ask the questions they ask. Is there something up already? If no, are you unsure yourself, or are you preemptively concerned for her? If yes, you have to be on the same team and communicate through things to come out the other side of them.

[Thecalliton]

my folks are 8 years apart, and they are in a terrible relationship now, but that is their personalities. 9 years isnt a big deal IF you two are a good couple

age restrictions is a modern thing

[RedRoses]

Originally Posted by Roivas

Is a nine year age gap a problem?

Dear Rolvas,
I'd encourage you to not think "age" but think "development" and "personality".

First focus; is she is emotionally/mentally mature enough for you?
After all; you wouldn't want to take advantage of her, neither put yourself in a difficult position of inequality.

Second, esp if you're thinking "relationship", are you two on the same page?
Answering this may take exploring (iow: time) getting to know eachother.

It is the "chapter" or "page" that matters in a relationship. That does not mean the age at all! People simply do not develop the same. They do not reach the same stations in life at the same pace. This is the reason why there are "old souls" and "young spirits". People have personal characteristics, go through experiences, may be mature on one side and remain childlike on the other, gain and lose things, have expectations, wishes and dreams; that's what makes us what we are. And that's what you need to match

Originally Posted by lnt1103

In my experience, we're not mentally/emotionally "who" we're going to be our whole adult lives, until we reach 25 or 26.

I wouldn't know if there is an age we become who we are... I think people continue to change throughout their lives. I've seen it happening; some become complete different persons, especially after events that impact deeply. This could be either negative or positive varying from decease and death of a loved-one to having children and creating your own company. This change may have implications on your relationship. Sometimes while you were on the same track when the relationship started, you could be growing apart through the years. Yet; it could also make you grow closer.

Originally Posted by Roivas

What would you ladies think about dating a man who is nearly a decade older than you? Is this something that people would find creepy?

I'm in a relationship with an older man; make that nearly 2 decades And I've gotten nasty looks on the street, especially from women (but then again; who hasn't! ) From all the people that know me, I've never heard one foul word about the agegap in our relationship. Neither has my bf.

[lnt1103]

All fair points, RR. I didn't state myself extremely well. What I really meant is, that there seems to be a particularly large amount of development within oneself from leaving high school up until around age 25. I know a fair number of people, myself included, who at around that age seemed to achieve a kind of clarity about life which had been elusive until then.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Thec - you're quite right that this age thing is modern.

Back in the Middle Ages they didn't care about marrying off some 12 yr old to a 40-something man and in certain places in this world today - they still don't care. I find that just as creepy as marrying off a 12 yr old boy to a 40-something cougar.

Pick on someone your own size is my motto, figuratively speaking, of course.


So if she's "your size", then congrats.

[tiffers]

well for a bit I datted a boy that was older then me. Granted it was not even close to a 10 year age gap, But the age gap was extream. What I mean by that is that we were in 2 very different sexual and mental catagories. It caused us many problems and ended up being a big factor in the break up. Yet I am still more atracted to older men then guys my own age.

[pcp71]

nothing wrong with liking older men
I prefer younger women

everyone has their own preferences, you just have to make them work in your own ways

[Roivas]

Good responses everyone. I did make sure to consider the possible issues of the gap in terms of maturity levels. She's got a steady job, pays rent, and is likely more responsible than I was at the same age. So since changes are possible, I'll just be open to those happening and that might mean our relationship no longer being viable or just evolving to survive.

Given that I'm somewhat short for a man (5'3") I don't think too many people will make the connection we're so separate in age categories. I've been accused of being 19 recently and in my late 30s (years ago), so I guess age really does vary in the eye of the beholder.

So far the relationship is only a few scant weeks old, but things are going well and we're making sure to move at a slow pace. We have discussed our general future goals and they seem to align, so here's to hoping. Thanks for your input folks.