I really like him... How do I know he feels the same??

[babybella1987]

There is this guy I really like and have done for quite some time now but I have never had the guts to ask him out or even ask him how he feels! I am too scared of rejection. How do I find out if he likes me or not but being sutle at the same time. I message him and asked if he would like to catch up and he said sure!! But How am I to know weather thats as friends or as more than friends? HELP!!!

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to information that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page, you will find even more information.

Please go to the SUGGESTIONS FOR DATING section and read each of the four articles under this heading.

> I message him and asked if he would like to catch up and he said sure!! But How am I to know weather thats as friends or as more than friends? HELP!

People do not just meet on the street, smile at each other, and start a torrid relationship. We meet as strangers, decide if there is an initial attraction and an availability by the other person, then become friends--or not. Dating is all about learning about other people and what humanity has to offer us in potential mates; therefore, going about this properly means that many people will be entering our lives and eventually leaving. "Rejection" is a normal part of this process and not to be taken personally.**

Dating is all about having fun with others, learning about the likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, objectives, interests, whims, and, personalities, of other people and whether there is sufficient compatibility to continue dating. From this ongoing process each of us will be better able to recognize Ms./Mr. Right when s/he comes along.

Dating should not be about exclusivity and being able to tell the world that "I have a boy- girlfriend" and am spoken for to the exclusion of all others. Exclusivity sets the stage for drama and trauma in a person's life as people grow and change over time and with additional experiences. Dating should be an open-ended process involving others. You can have fun with and also date, Tom, Dick, and Harry, while learning about each at the same time and deciding if one or more are compatible with you. If you determine that one or more are not after one or more dates, then tell them and move on to the next person in line.

When a person dates one or more individuals openly then this improves your chances for having someone to go on a date for some upcoming activity. Dating openly and not exclusively one person rounds out and completes your character.

The notion that s/he belongs to me and is my exclusive boyfriend or girlfriend is both limiting a person's potential for growth, rarely learning about others in a timely manner, and, restrictive in that you limit yourself to experiencing different interests and with other people.

"You can have your cake and eat it, too." This means that by dating one or more individuals, openly, you can have a sense of belonging without the restrictions that often accompany an exclusive relationship. By dating other people at the same time, there will be less drama with each individual, and, less trauma when things go wrong or the relationship runs its course and ends.

> There is this guy I really like and have done for quite some time

Is this a typo? The statement does not make sense as written. Please clarify.

> I am too scared of rejection.

** Why? First of all you must learn to have and acquire--
* self confidence
* self esteem
* self worth
* a sense of "self", and an understanding that
who and what you are as an individual is not
based upon interactions with someone else

A relationship is best when formed by two people, each with a past, who choose to come together and forge a future that is greater than the sum of its two parts.

Being able to date more than one person at a time, whether you do so or not at any particular time, offers the same benefits of a closed and exclusive relationship yet without the forced restrictions.

> How do I find out if he likes me or not but being sutle at the same time.

If a boy asked this question about a certain girl, my answer would be that she likes you because she is giving you her time and attention. Girls rarely invest much of either in a person they have no interest in.

One of the articles listed in the Index discusses "Implied Consent". Please read about it and begin incorporating the technique in your dealings with others. In addition, please understand that successful relationships are partnerships in which we do things with and for each other, not to them. Communication is key. If you want to know something, do not guess or wonder--ask, we are not mind readers. Using the technique of Implied Consent means that we can assume we have the other person's permission to proceed without having to (always) ask if this or that is OK. We proceed as if it is OK and until we learn otherwise.

In order to build a relationship, a couple must have a history. This begins by becoming friends, first and foremost, and then if the chemistry is right, deciding to become more than friends.

Going on a date with someone may only last one or two times. The more compatibility and interest in a person, the longer the process will last. Over the course of several years, a lot of people will come and go as it should be. Eventually, all will be rejected as you run across Mr. Right. You will not be the only person who is turned down.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

Let me be clear - you a girl - asked him to hang out. He - being a guy - is OVER THE MOON W HAPPINESS! Most teenage guys are just dying to have a girl ask them out.

Males of our speciies spend most of their waking moments HOPING some woman notices their existence and most of their sleeping hours dreaming of wild sex with eager women. You could say human males were firmly focused upon their primary mission in life.

This awareness should not be taken as a license to be cruel; it is more of a warning to be compassionate but very clear about what you want from him.

I understand your fear of rejection but frankly - you're only ready for relationships/dating/sex when the desire overcomes, if not overwhelms, your fears. Full speed ahead and may the Devil take the hindmost!

Review what you want out of this fellow and then go on a few dates with him to see if you still like him. Be upfront and clear with him about what sort of relationship you want. If you say friends - make it clear about if any 'benefits' are to be expected and if exclusivity is part of the deal (I hope not and agree w Doc.)

Now is the time to experiment but use your brain about it. Practice safe sex and read about the warning signs of abuse and how to date safely found elsewhere in this forum.

[orangedan]

Originally Posted by babybella1987

There is this guy I really like and have done for quite some time now but I have never had the guts to ask him out or even ask him how he feels! I am too scared of rejection. How do I find out if he likes me or not but being sutle at the same time. I message him and asked if he would like to catch up and he said sure!! But How am I to know weather thats as friends or as more than friends? HELP!!!

Tell him you would like to spend some time to get to know him more intimately, and see if you have deeper feelings for each other than just friendship.

Of course use more cautious words, take a walk with him and ask him a few more intimate questions than you are used to and answer his.

Be frank and sincere. If he doesn't like you, its ok, it really is - rejection can only hurt you in the short term, and make you much stronger in the long term.

And I am not sure I agree with guys eagerly waiting for girls to ask them out. Most may feel so, but certainly not all, and it is important to realize it can only be viewed in a case by case basis.