Is she interested in me?

[INFP]

Hey everyone, I'm new to this forum but have been a lurker on this site for a while.

I'm in need of some advice so I'll start off with my situation. There's this girl I'm interested in, her name is Ashley and although we've never met and live several states away, we've gotten to know each other well over the past several months. Our friendship has grown from casual to "good friends" and I've ended up developing non-friend feelings for her. I'm usually one to tell when a girl is interested in me or not, but Ashley is hard for me to read.

Recently our conversations have grown longer, and much more in depth about what we're interested in, our ideas, morals, goals etc. In fact, two days in a row we spent four hours talking on the phone until six AM. Not once did we have nothing to talk about it. Also, towards the end of our conversations I notice she gets really giggly and laughs at everything I say (a sign she's into me, for sure) but then, the laughter and other "signs" seem to disappear. We usually bond late at night, and I've tried to initiate conversations during the day but they are short lived, and I don't understand why because at night things seem to be way different.

Naturally, I don't want to come off as clingy so I've been waiting for her to text me, but it doesn't happen as often as I'd like. I'm used to girls acting a certain way when they're interested in me, and this is the first time I've been interested in someone online so I'm a bit lost. Sure it's easy to tell if a girl likes you in person, they play with their hair, look at you differently, brush your hand etc.

But how do you tell over the internet?

I want to get your guys opinion on this (preferably people who know quite a bit about online relationships) so I don't end up getting my hopes up too high, and also any tips on how I can subtly flirt with her and show her I'm interested, without having to tell her or being overly clingy/creepy?

Thanks a lot!

[Ducy]

If you use the search function there is actually a thread devoted to online dating.

To be honest. If you have never met her in person then id say your probably better off not driving yourself too crazy. There is a certain amount of attachment that is built through physical contact and face to face interaction.

There are too many unknown variables. She may only talk at night cuz she is busy during the day. Or it could be that she is having these wonderful late night convos because she is bored. Your convos may seem to never end but perhaps they are nothing more than shooting the breeze for her. The giggling could be she finds you funny or she is distracted by something or someone. Too many unknowns.

For example. Girl I went to HS with....we would talk for 6 to 7 hours a night. From 8 to 3 in the morning. She liked me. Thought we had such wonderful deep conversations. Honestly I just liked talking to someone cuz I was bored. Sure the convo never ended but ultimately at the end of the night I didn't really take anything away from the relationship. I didn't feel like I had even talked because the conversation, for me at least, was like sitting at home talking about movies. There wasn't substance yet she felt like we were talking to each others souls.

Ask her out. Meet her face to face. Don't sit around waiting for her to text you. Its foolish. Its as bad as the "Don't call her for 3 days after you get her number" I have shown more "return" dates when calling her the next day as opposed to calling her several days after. Playing the "I'm waiting for her to make the first move" game is immature to say the least

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, she's several states away, can only talk during the evening and seems to enjoy discussions with you.

She's busy working/schooling during the day and can only devote her attention to you in the evenings - fair enough! Not a problem and twas only to be expected.

She likes talking with you. Good, good, but still not enough to build a 'relationship' upon. Keep talking with her but do not say that you LOVE her. No. She's just a very good friend at this point. Giggling is not good - sorry, but giggling isn't mature enough.

But the real killer is the several states away thing. Until you two meet up IRL you can NOT count on anything.So, just stay very good friends until you two actually meet. Only then can you two decide whether to get closer or not.

The short answer is YES but you're not REAL yet.

[INFP]

Thanks for the advice you two, and yeah I know there's a search function but truth be told, I used it and only found threads that talked about online relationships in general and not an opinion of whether she was interested in me or not.

I wanted the opinion of an outsider to tell me if she seems at the slightest bit interested, and I thank you EvilEvilKitten for your input especially.

Okay, so to get a few things straight here. I'm not planning on telling her "I love you" anytime soon, it's far too early and I understand the heavy significance behind that word. If things go well between us as friends, I do plan on meeting up with her since money isn't an issue for me and I am a grown man.

She simply intrigues me and I enjoy her company (virtual or not) as well as find her highly attractive looking at her hundreds of Facebook pictures. Thing is, even if nothing more than just friends happens between us I'd still like to keep her as a close friend, so you can understand why I'm hesitant to push it too much at the moment. Gathering from what I've read here and taking time to think about it more, I realize I should start pushing things a little bit more. Especially now that she texted me out of nowhere and hinted at the fact she misses me.

[Ducy]

Lol I once hooked up with a girl I met online. Her pics were sexy , instant arousal, met her in person. Knocked on her door and thought her roomate answered. Then I realized it was her...115 lbs heavier and with a shaved head...her excuse...oh the pics were kinda old (like 4 years...)

Just sayin haha. I do wish you the best of luck though

[EvilEvilKitten]

OH, she's interested but she's also hedging her bets - as she should.

[dancingdoc2]

> I used it and only found threads that talked about online relationships in general and not an opinion of whether she was interested in me or not.

Interested? A woman will not waste or spend time with someone in whom she is not interested; therefore, if she is corresponding with you, she is "interested".

To what degree might her interest be? Pen pal or nowadays--keyboard pal. Keep your feelings in check and at this level until long after the two of you meet and spend time together. Very likely what you see on a monitor or hear on a speaker will be somewhat different "vibration-wise" than what you will experience in real life. I'm not saying this is always the case, but do not get your hopes up prematurely or fall in love with a perception.

> In fact, two days in a row we spent four hours talking on the phone until six AM. Not once did we have nothing to talk about it.

What do you call this if not "clingy"? Kids do this as a matter of puppy love. Years ago parents used to limit their child's access to the telephone to twenty (20) minutes a day, whether it with one person or several, so this is nothing new. If you are older than a teen, then this is immature behavior. If you are a teenager, I recommend acting more grown up and responsible and do not waste her time with "idle chit-chat" or no chit-chat. Consider the phone to be a radio station--do not let more than thirty seconds of "dead air" pass without saying something.

Yes, I understand the desire (need?) to remain close, yet you need to value your time together. Do not spend hours on the phone, rather, if necessary, make a second call. Do not send endless E-mails and certainly do not send scads of text messages about this, that, or the other thing you've been doing, none of which is worth the time to read or worth how ever long it took to create the message, or, the cost to send it. If any of the content is worthwhile knowing, then save it up for the one phone call you do make.

If you make the content and form of your telephone conversations and E-mails interesting or sometime intriguing, you will whet her interest. If you cling to the telephone for hours at a time saying precious little, then not so much. Have you ever heard the ol' adage: "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Now you know how.

Lastly, and as I stated in another thread a few days ago, please keep in mind that both of you, have a "life" that includes friends and activities that the other person will not be participating. While each of you can talk to the other about the days activities, until the two of you can actively participate, then please understand that there is a limit to how much (social} intimacy and connectivity that can transpire.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Spicygirl82]

I don't really have any advice on how to tell whether or not she likes you as a potential boyfriend but if I were you, I would reconsider starting a relationship with her. Long-distance and online relationships are very hard to manage and in my opinion, rarely work.

[ArianaCary]

I think you can ask her frankly that she is like you or not, tell for long relationship, I think her attitude will be positive.

[PriscillaSabina]

I think she is interested. but not want to tell about it