What must I do?

[silverfox]

There's this girl I haven't seen or heard from in three years, since early 2008. She was my friend and we've never dated (I , but I knew she really liked me. We went to high school together and for a bit in college. I last saw her shortly at the community college.

I live about 2 and a half hours away now and I plan to return to my hometown next month.

I know people move on but it's something I haven't been able to get over. I don't know if she's been waiting all this time and I don't expect her to but I'll be lucky if blessed with a second chance. I was thinking of giving it a try so at least I'd know for sure. Now at this point I feel I have nothing left to lose.


Should I text her? I miss her.

[RedRoses]

Dear Silverfox,
You should realize that after 3 years people have changed. Especially in times of college a.o. So I wouldn't get any expectations of anything. Also; I don't think it's healthy to dwell on the past too much. After all; your life is here and now, what makes you want to go back? Dig a little deeper; is there a bit more going on than simply missing her?

After the digging, look into your heart how significant this feeling is. You mustn't do anything, but what your heart tells you. A feeling of missing can be quite overpowering, I know. And when that urge is so significant, I think that looking for closure could be a right thing to do (that's not the same as looking for a second chance!). So, I'd say: text her and see if she responses. Don't be disappointed when she doesn't. If she does, have coffee somewhere. Don't think about anything that will happen next. Whatever happens, happens.

[dancingdoc2]

My recommendation is not to text her or E-mail her. Pick up the telephone and talk to her in person. Ask if she is interested in doing lunch (or dinner) in order to play "catch up" and then with no expectations in mind other than to have an enjoyable meal, see what happens.

(Texting and/or E-mail is so modern, so hip, yet so tactless or tasteless or so not cool.)

[silverfox]

I see. Thank you.

My recommendation is not to text her or E-mail her

I get that feeling too. Maybe it's because I'm not sure how she would react.

[dancingdoc2]

When you telephone and talk with someone in person, you add a personal touch that is missing with messages.

When you telephone and talk with a person, you are able to convey and discern thoughts much more accurately than "reading between the lines", so to speak.

> Maybe it's because I'm not sure how she would react.

A "no" is a "no" regardless of whether you hear the words in person or by reading them. A "yes" is often so much more positive when you hear her reaction than when you read it.

"When you reach out and touch someone" it shows a level of interest and concern often missing when sending a text message or E-mail. Save these for later and when just chit-chatting. Here is another famous line to consider: "When you think enough to send the very best...." In this situation, your best is yourself by way of your voice.

P.S. I have a friend who recently went to visit her son and daughter-in-law one weekend over the holidays. She was extremely disappointed because these two "adults" {in their 30's) sat at opposite ends of the couch, each with a laptop, doing whatever, with the TV blaring, while my friend sat in another chair hoping for some sort of interaction. Maybe she would have been able to reach out and touch them had she taken her lap top on the visit! and I/Md them........... My point being, are we witnessing the beginning of a new evolutionary state in which we lose our ability to speak to others in the future? What would result if we lost battery power while texting our date who is sitting beside us?

-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dear Doc - you're friend's experience was just an example of bad manners.

I would prefer to hear from a man in the OP's position via something LESS personal than a phone call. Please send me an e-mail and say you'd like to call and ask me out for coffee during your visit.

Because if he calls her 'out of the blue' he also puts her 'on the spot' and he may represent a threat to her - all unknowingly of course - he's not to know what she's been through these past few years when they've been out of touch. She may even be married by this time.

He should e-mail her asking permission to call.

[dancingdoc2]

Point taken.

[silverfox]

She may even be married by this time.

Mm-hmm. That's what another friend of mine also said. I was thinking of trying Facebook or MySpace to look up relationship status but I don't keep either one so I'll have to ask someone else.

Although none of my other friends and other peers seem to have married after all this time. Not that I know of anyway.


Thanks for the input. I am thinking of giving it a try. Just to have the closure.

[jhonathonaston45]

Originally Posted by silverfox

There's this girl I haven't seen or heard from in three years, since early 2008. She was my friend and we've never dated (I , but I knew she really liked me. We went to high school together and for a bit in college. I last saw her shortly at the community college.

I live about 2 and a half hours away now and I plan to return to my hometown next month.

I know people move on but it's something I haven't been able to get over. I don't know if she's been waiting all this time and I don't expect her to but I'll be lucky if blessed with a second chance. I was thinking of giving it a try so at least I'd know for sure. Now at this point I feel I have nothing left to lose.


Should I text her? I miss her.

I love it how nothing on screen compares to her, I have it all and she will always give it her all because I do whatever she would like and it is a pleasure to make her feel even more sexy, because of porn I can hold on for hours on end, it is perfect practice for men and women to further there relationships.

[mikkiji]

Or write her a REAL letter--paper, envelope, stamp, the whole deal! I was in a similar situation with an old High School friend 38 years ago--we'd not had much communication in a couple of years but I had heard she was back in town and knew I had feelings for her. We moved in together 6 weeks after that letter, were married less than a year later, and had 34 wonderful years together, until death parted us...
Michael