Can't Finish at ALL!

[Bushidokaizen]

So i've been having sex for more than a few years and with multiple women. I don't have any problem when it comes to getting it up or making her feel great. But I myself can't finish for my life.

Some guys have ED, i have ED (ejaculation disorder)

I can masterbate and finish with ease and within minutes for that matter, but when it comes to sex, my current girl is a small girl so its tight but i can never seem to get close to finishing

we've tried lube and it works great but I'm not at the point where it pushes me over the edge you know?

Guys:
Have you guys ever experienced this? what did you do to get over it?

Girls:
Have you met a guy with this and what moves/techniques/misc. things did you do/use to help achieve orgasm?

Thanks

(p.s. and no I'm not gay, I love women and making love to them but i just want to CUM!)

[dancingdoc2]

Well, because we know you are capable of functioning as designed, the problem must be elsewhere. Questions:

1. how long do you make out before penetration?
2. how much time do you spend stroking and thrusting as you try to build to a climax?
3. what position(s) do you mostly use?
4. how aroused are you when you enter your partner?
5. how close to a climax do you general get before giving up?
6. do you ever invite your partner to bring you to climax after intercourse with a h/j, b/j, or, both?
7. are you aroused more or less when making love with your partner than when home alone taking matters into your own hand?
8. how much time to you spend with Foreplay (h/j and/or b/j) before penetration?

Please answer the above questions as your answers can help us figure out what is preventing your climaxes from happening.

-doc

[Brandye]

OK, with her cooperation start a training program. The typical male masturbates more vigourously than any woman can treat a penis. Usually the hands are rougher (for the male), the tempo is faster and the squeezing is harder. You have trained your body to respond to this level of stimulation. Our vaginas simply cannot stimulate you (physically) to compete with this.

Show her how you masturbate and then let her do it for you. After some success, have her stimulate you as she would left to her own devices. The progress to oral stimulation and, eventually, vaginal sex.

The fact that you can ejaculate means there is nothing organically wrong. It is simply the intensity of stimulation is not getting you there. You need to become resensitized and you will need a woman's help to do it.

[Bushidokaizen]

1. how long do you make out before penetration?
2. how much time do you spend stroking and thrusting as you try to build to a climax?
3. what position(s) do you mostly use?
4. how aroused are you when you enter your partner?
5. how close to a climax do you general get before giving up?
6. do you ever invite your partner to bring you to climax after intercourse with a h/j, b/j, or, both?
7. are you aroused more or less when making love with your partner than when home alone taking matters into your own hand?
8. how much time to you spend with Foreplay (h/j and/or b/j) before penetration?

1. we usually make out anywhere from 10-20 minutes and foreplay is the next step. i don't like to skip out on the bases.
2. I'm stroking/thrusting anywhere from 30-60 minutes before i give up and just stop. I'm almost never close to finishing but its feels great but not near the climax
3. 69, Missionary (deck chair, deep impact, folded deck chair), Cowgirl (Asian, normal, reverse), Doggy (bulldog, normal), standing (piston, prison guard) these are the usual positions and we vary from 5-10 different positions each time.
4. I'm very aroused, hard as rock, and good to go!
5. I'm about 70% and it usually idles there until she gets tired or i get limp.
6. We've done hj, bj, both and still only about 70%. we even use lube
7. I'm more aroused with my girl but i feel as if the fantasy of porn makes it easier to climax versus being in the heat of it.
8. I spend about 10-20 minutes of foreplay for her and usually she gives me about 10-15 minutes.

Brandye, I see where you're POV comes in and i see how I've "desensitized" my penis. I love it when she hj me but as you say, its not the same. We've tried it to where i had her watch me on how i do it, I've held her hand on my penis on how tight i hold and even the pace i go, but i guess i'm so used to my hand that when she doesn't do it just right, it doesn't work. I can see that.

Hopefully with this new info, i can help you guys help me.

Thanks

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Bushidokaizen

1. we usually make out anywhere from 10-20 minutes and foreplay is the next step. i don't like to skip out on the bases.

Good and Great! Good that you are spending time making out, however, women are wired very differently than men and because they are, you should increase the time the two of you devote to making out to a minimum of half an hour--more (within reason) if desired. It takes this amount of time in order to get her "engine" started, reved up, and HOT; not so with guys who can be up and running within minutes. Now, having recommended more time and attention, please understand that guys can benefit greatly from the extra ten minutes or more, also.

2. I'm stroking/thrusting anywhere from 30-60 minutes before i give up and just stop. I'm almost never close to finishing but its feels great but not near the climax

A change of tactics is required. For whatever reason nowadays many fellas have the misguided misconception that the best way to reach the trigger point of an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking and then thrusting. WRONG. This is the why for all the fooling around and making out we do.

I've mentioned many times that a lot of women report back that if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes that they become SORE, tired, and bored. For her comfort especially, and for the satisfaction, pleasure, and enjoyment of you both, ya just gotta get the time down--and here's how:

Both of you should be at the brink of an orgasm when ready for penetration.
a. devote 30 minutes + to making out
b. devote whatever amount of reasonable time is pleasurable
for both of you for Foreplay {hand job, oral, or, what I call
the "dynamic duo" (both)
c. if your climax does not occur within about three minutes,
pause, pull out, return to Foreplay in order to again peak
your level of arousal, and continue. Repeat as necessary.

3. 69, Missionary (deck chair, deep impact, folded deck chair), Cowgirl (Asian, normal, reverse), Doggy (bulldog, normal), standing (piston, prison guard) these are the usual positions and we vary from 5-10 different positions each time.

Too many too soon. Until you get a handle on your technique and mastery over your nervous system and the stimulation required, stick to just one position. I recommend the one that you control like the Missionary, rather than those she may control like the Cowgirl/Woman Superior.

Once the two of you refine your method(s), then feel free to add variety; although, having just written this, "5-10 different positions each time" seems like too many too often in my never to be so humble opinion. There is a fine line between variety and spice, and, becoming bored because you ran out of things to do. I'd like to suggest moderation so that you two have something to look forward to each time. I'd like to suggest moderation so that the two of you can concentrate more on the emotional side than the artistic. Somehow this seems like you not that interested in expressing the love you have for each other, and more interested in spending the time horsing around for the sport. I'd like to suggest that you find a balance in the number--like no more than two positions a session. Please think about this.

4. I'm very aroused, hard as rock, and good to go!
5. I'm about 70% and it usually idles there until she gets tired or i get limp.
6. We've done hj, bj, both and still only about 70%. we even use lube.

Okey, this is great! Now, if you read this, you have your answer, as outlined, above.

a. Go for 98-99% before entering.
b. Do not let intercourse last longer than 10 minutes, max. Climax
well within this limit so as not to tire your partner, make her sore,
or, bored.
c. if the two of you do desire to extend intercourse, please do so
by taking periodic breaks and then starting again, etc., et cetera, etc.

7. I'm more aroused with my girl but i feel as if the fantasy of porn makes it easier to climax versus being in the heat of it.

Yes, with the right chemistry between people, we do tend to become much more aroused when with our partner than when home alone taking matters into our own hands, so to speak. You can test this because when you achieve that 99% or so of arousal, it is not unusual for a guy to report that his penis feels like it is about to burst! Not so when the pheromones are not flying.

When making love with your girl, what is your typical fantasy, or, do you concentrate on the script going on between you instead?

8. I spend about 10-20 minutes of foreplay for her and usually she gives me about 10-15 minutes.

Rather than counting minutes, divide up the time differently. Use less of this time for foreplay and more for the Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting that goes on beforehand. When you do get to the Foreplay stage, continue to arouse each other until both of you are are near the point of no return--yet not so close to losing it that you cannot move around and get into position and stroke for just a bit.

Another approach to consider that we recommend is for your partner to climax first, and then last {if she desires). In between, the two of you can enjoy as many orgasms as each of you desires. This is nice etiquette.

Brandye, I see where you're POV comes in and i see how I've "desensitized" my penis. I love it when she hj me but as you say, its not the same. We've tried it to where i had her watch me on how i do it, I've held her hand on my penis on how tight i hold and even the pace i go, but i guess i'm so used to my hand that when she doesn't do it just right, it doesn't work. I can see that.

Hopefully with this new info, i can help you guys help me.

Thanks

Yup, what she said. In addition, demonstrate for your partner how you masturbate, then, as noted, take her hand in yours and move it according to what you need so that she can learn to mimic your technique. Lastly, and very importantly: give each other feedback on how you are responding to each other's caresses and for what you need now/next.

Please read this article. Take it to 99% then wait for her invitation to enter.
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

Please read this in order to learn how to work together described in the exercise section, only. Do not be concerned about the title, it is only the teaching part described in the exercise and learning how to arouse that I want you to understand.
Squeeze & Training Exercise for Controlling Premature Ejaculation

You are on the correct path, just do not stop short. If you have not already done so, please familiarize yourself with the Index found at the top of the main screen. I recommend that the two of you read each of the remaining articles, either together, or individually, then discuss what you have read and add the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Find, read, and then practice, practice, practice The Program an article found elsewhere on this forum.

It isn't just foreplay and the bases - we're talking the total sexual experience here. You should NOT enter her and begin thrusting until you're about ready to orgasm and you have to seriously exert the utmost in control to NOT orgasm. That is the precise point where you begin thrusting inside of her and not before. If you are pounding away in a desperate attempt to orgasm - STOP. Your anxiety is stopping your orgasm from happening as well as irritating her vagina and frustrating her. I can guarantee she feels totally inadequate in such a situation although it is not her job nor her fault.

Stop and return to body worshipping her of you and you of her - cover eachother with honey and then try to lick it off of each other - whatever works but SLOWLY. Both of you should be incandescent before you move on.

Next focus outward. Focus upon your partner. This will help decrease your anxiety beause you're thinking of something else. Most sexual problems of your sort begin and end in the brain. Odd as it may seem, you have to RELAX and be willing to let the orgasm go. The more you get wrapped around the axle, the less likely you are to orgasm. Sex is play not work so stop making sex seem like work.

And, this is not The Olympics here. No one's keeping score. Have fun!! Enjoy being with her!! Be silly and fall off the bed. Kneel down before her and say "Leap into my Fervid Arms!!" Laugh, buddy, laugh!

Oh, and positions are for kids - us experienced persons (ahem) just go with whatever 'comes to hand' -so to speak. Hmmmm - an ankle, the back of the knee, the base of the throat - you get the idea - kiss, nuzzle, lick - its all good.

Pleasure is good and good for you so RELAX and ENJOY whether you orgasm or not because once you do, the orgasm will come, then it will gradually get easier and easier to orgasm.

[mikkiji]

This happens to guys, it's just not as common, and therefore as well known, as the opposite problem. It's been a new issue for me within the last year, but I'm an older guy (58), and this also can happen with age. HOWEVER, it should be added to the advice above, that it is not always necessary for a guy to ejaculate in order to have orgasms. It took me a while to figure this out. Yeah, for sure, there is an unmistakable noticing of ones orgasm when accompanied by ejaculation, and that is what normally signals to us that we "got there."

But during lovemaking, try to just be with the feelings you are having without concern for "getting there." You will notice that excitement builds. Muscle tension becomes greater. Pleasurable feelings increase and spread from the genitals throughout the body. Follow these physical sensations, allow your mind and body to be enveloped and overcome with them. You will find that they build almost unbearably the more you allow your awareness to relax and enter into them. Forget about any particular goal, forget about reaching a physical climax, forget about ejaculation. Guess what? Orgasm is not about the physical release of fluids but about a heightened spiritual and emotional consciousness triggered by continued physical stimulation. As long as you innocently go with those feelings, you can bring yourself into a state of awareness I can best describe as Bliss. Yes, it has definite physical sensations to it as well, some of them similar to the ejaculation orgasm, but it is less genitally focused, more spread out over the entire body. It is less about the pulsing, pumping and throbbing of ejaculation and more about a gentler, longer lasting reaction which may take you a while to recognize as an "orgasm", inasmuch as it is not accompanied by our familiar squirting fluids.

Now I won't knock ejaculation, it's great, wonderful, but not always necessary to "get there." The "there" that I'm getting to now, minus ejaculation, feels fabulous. This is all related to the multi-orgasmic, or Taoist/Tantric models of making love. Hey, consider yourself lucky--you are halfway there, you can have sex without ejaculation. Now develop the other half, the inner awareness of blissful release, and you'll be a multi-orgasmic guy! Ejaculation will no longer seem so important, so necessary, for you to feel "finished." In fact, the multi-orgasmic male is never finished!!
Michael

[EvilEvilKitten]

Let's be precise - there's ejaculation and then there's the flexing of the pc muscle which is orgasm - although the two are most often together, they remain two separate things. You CAN orgasm without ejaculating. Doing so just takes skill and practice - lots of practice such as described by Mik below.