Is my friend crazy?

[Caramel_Gal_Loves_Vanilla]

My friend met someone online and they are not going to a public place for a first date, she has invited him round to her house. She is a single mother with a 2 month old child. The child will be in the house while he is there.

She said they will watch films, she will make him a meal and then she said she will pounce on him for sex.

She has passed hints to him suggesting that she will have sex with him. She has said she has been celibate for a while (So has he) she said she is getting fed up of mastubating as well. She only 'met' him online a week ago.

He has told her that he wants a relationship with her as well, surely, he is just telling her that so that he gets sex, especially if she is just offering it on a plate. He has not said he would rather wait for sex or go to a public place for their first date.

What do you think?

[raunchy gal]

Oh my lord your friend shouldn't meet him at all.It's only been a week and to have him in the house with her baby there 'WOW WHAT IS SHE THINKING' I chat to guys on the internet but if i were to meet them it would definitely be in a public place,and certainly not after only a week.Your friend is putting herself and her baby in grave danger by having this stranger in her house.

[Brandye]

She is taking a horrendous risk. She know whether she has been celibate; she has no idea about his behaviour or background.

[dancingdoc2]

Lustfulness and desperateness do not a good combination make.

Your friend's first priority should be the care and safety of her child(ren). Her hopefulness and wishful thinking are so far winning out over common sense; bad combination. For all she knows this individual she has been corresponding with on the net is an opportunist and predator. She is throwing caution to the wind.

I agree, she should not be inviting a complete stranger into her "lair" and especially with an infant and/or other children present. Doesn't she know that guys can and often do say anything in order to get laid? Doesn't she know that many a predator hangs out hoping to snag a vulnerable person. TV police shows are full of these types of scripts in which a guy lies in wait, and what better place to pounce than inside a house.

This woman needs to slow down and correspond for much longer than a week.
If and when it seems appropriate to meet, it should be in a public place in which each of them arrives separately--and--"the front door of the restaurant swings both ways" so that if one feels compelled to leave there is easy egress.

So far this woman has no proof that this guy is everything he professes to be. She needs time to observe and get to know this man up close and personal. So far this woman is hoping all will be right with this guy, yet until she learns more about him first hand, she should protect her home and all that is inside. Speaking of proof, she should demand to see a health certificate that shows he is disease and drug free. She will be foolish and careless if she takes him at his word so early. "Jumping his bones" because she is tired of masturbating is to place her safety as great risk.

Of course not all men are dangerous, yet the internet is a great place for this type of person to hang out. Also, she should be very vigilant and trust her intuition. Guys can be nice one moment and very mean and dangerous the next. She needs to build a relationship not just jump in and hope all will be OK.

[lnt1103]

Bottom line: anyone can say anything to a computer screen. And they do.

Despite what your friend thinks, she knows not one single solitary thing about this person. Not temperament, not goals for the encounter, not marital status, not health status, not age.....to be quite frank about it, not even gender.

DO. NOT. EVER. Have the first meeting in someone's home or other private location. Period.

I met my now fiance online. We spoke via computer and phone for 5 months by the time we went face to face. By our second phone conversation I had paid $65 for a 35-state criminal background check. He picked me up at my office for lunch--my supervisor had the make, model and plate number of his car.

Overkill? Perhaps. But you can never be too careful.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by lnt1103

Bottom line: anyone can say anything to a computer screen. And they do.

Yup. Continue reading:

Despite what your friend thinks, she knows not one single solitary thing about this person. Not temperament, not goals for the encounter, not marital status, not health status, not age.....to be quite frank about it, not even gender.

DO. NOT. EVER. Have the first meeting in someone's home or other private location

Oh! and just one more BIG no-no: For similar reasons we admonish people never to give out contact information {names, addresses, ph. Nos, E-mail address) over the internet in public--particularly teens, although, everybody, is the fact that once he knows what your address is, either from a greeting card mailed to him, or, him going to a house, he knows where she lives. If he is a bad guy, nuf said.

I met my now fiance online. We spoke via computer and phone for 5 months by the time we went face to face. By our second phone conversation I had paid $65 for a 35-state criminal background check. He picked me up at my office for lunch--my supervisor had the make, model and plate number of his car.

Overkill? Perhaps. But you can never be too careful.

Not. Extremely good advice. (This reminds me, I have to call and make an appointment to be finger printed next week for a new job beginning next month.) Moral: ya just cannot be too careful or put your trust in hopeful wishful thinking.

I sure hope your friend is getting all this information.

[lnt1103]

And all that is not to say that using the internet to find people is necessarily a bad method. God knows it worked for T and me -- the wedding is in T-minus 89 days (!!!!!!!).

BUT. The person from that same site that I attempted a situation with before T, only wanted a FB, but could never admit that. It took me 3 morning after Dear Jane conversations to realize it myself. And when I articulated it for what it was, he denied it to the last word I ever spoke to him.

You have GOT to be smart about it. A person who is given to a lack of understanding of boundaries, or poor attention to red flags, should probably avoid internet dating.

Like the plague.

[dancingdoc2]

> And all that is not to say that using the internet to find people is necessarily a bad method.

Of course not. There are several reputable online services. My point being not to put your contact info in public, like, "Int", you can reach me at (555) 123-4536. I'd really like you to come over, I'm at 123 4th Street, Apt. 5. If you'd like to E-mail me, you can get me at 'carelessme@bozo.com."

Placing any of this on a secure site that has a window for each entry should be OK.

[Aphrodite_66]

Thanks for that DD2,i think i am being pretty careful with my dealings with people on the internet.It helps to have friendly reminders though so we don't slip up and put ourselves in danger like caramel's friend.Hope caramel can persuade her not to do it,but as he most likely already knows her address and other contact details i hope to God he is as he says he is.I shudder to think of the consequences if he's not.