I definitely need some advice/help!

[Marebear1991]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Our relationship didn't start out that great, but now it's alot better and I really love him. We do have some problems though.

My boyfriend could never cover when I gave him a handjob or a blowjob or during sex. But, maybe just a few months ago he started to cum by handjob only then recently I started to give him more sensual blowjobs even though it's alot of work because it takes so long for him to cum.

He admitted to me a few nights ago that I don't satisfy him during sex because we only do it till I orgasm. I just want him to understand that I am way to nervous to do it any longer because there is always someone in our homes, so I worry about being too loud or someone walking in on us. I really fear this.

My mom is very protective over me and so are his parents, plus the reason I agreed to start having sex was because I was trying to make him happy. I thought he would leave me otherwise.

So how can I give him enough pleasure to satisfy him without sex having to be involved or how do I make him understand that I am just too nervous to get caught. He always gets so angry with me if I tell him to stop or something too. Please help me!

[Wrave]

Sounds like you are insecure and may have had some bad experiences with relationships. You are worried about whether he will leave you if you don't give him sex? If he does, so be it. YOU should think about yourself and just tell him the truth and how you feel about it.

Judging from the last sentence of your post, it may seem that that may very well be the case. Men are dogs and you have to train us or we will become vicious and disobedient. Just tell him how you feel and throw the nerves out the door. It is not healthy to do something you really do not want to do.

This is just my own personal opinion on this, but I have seen a few girls at school who are in the same ordeal. If you tell him that when you say STOP means pull out and stop what you are doing and he leaves you, there are more fish in the sea. I speak as sincere as I can get.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Marebear1991

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Our relationship didn't start out that great, but now it's alot better and I really love him. We do have some problems though.

I am glad to read that the two of you are working on the foundation of your relationship. It is important to know and understand that relationships are in fact partnerships in which two people with pasts choose to join forces, have a life greater than the sum of its two parts, and, create a future.

My boyfriend could never cover when I gave him a handjob or a blowjob or during sex. But, maybe just a few months ago he started to cum by handjob only then recently I started to give him more sensual blowjobs even though it's alot of work because it takes so long for him to cum.

"Cover"? Do you mean ejaculate or something else?

Lesson #2 in having a successful relationship is in understanding that communication and feedback are critically important keys in all aspects of your life as a couple. As for the sex part, each of you needs to show the other how you masturbate and then to take each others hand and move it in the way that works over the course of several sessions until each of you learns to mimic the other's technique. As for stroking a penis, this is somewhat different from man to man, just like fingering a clitoris and other parts are for women. In addition, since things tend to change from episode to episode, what might have worked last time might be slightly different next time and this is primarily why communication and feedback are so important.

Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together.

He admitted to me a few nights ago that I don't satisfy him during sex because we only do it till I orgasm. I just want him to understand that I am way to nervous to do it any longer because there is always someone in our homes, so I worry about being too loud or someone walking in on us. I really fear this.

Well...you two either need to find a time when no one is around, outside distractions are also at a minimum, or, rent a motel room, literally take a hike with a blanket and pillow and find a place off the beaten path.

My mom is very protective over me and so are his parents, plus the reason I agreed to start having sex was because I was trying to make him happy. I thought he would leave me otherwise.

Understandable, yet your reasons are immature and decided upon for the wrong reason. If he leaves you he leaves you. The purpose for dating is to find Mr./Ms. Right from among the many people we do date. You need to stick to your principles and he needs to respect your choices. Don't give in just because you might lose him. Not good.

So how can I give him enough pleasure to satisfy him without sex having to be involved

Stop at whatever stage {Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, Foreplay) that is comfortable for you at the time. Intercourse is nice, however, orgasms are generally more intense (for guys) from Foreplay. So, the answer: Foreplay, maybe more Foreplay.

how do I make him understand that I am just too nervous to get caught. He always gets so angry with me if I tell him to stop or something too. Please help me!

Answered, above. Communication: talking to each other. Discuss your concerns and negotiate a plan that the two of you can embrace. If you are concerned about involuntary noise making, practice controlling them.

As for climaxing, a nice rule of thumb is that you climax first and last {if desired), and then the two of you in some order in between. Never leave the other hanging. You may be emotionally strained and he might very well develop a case of blue balls in which he'll either have to masturbate later, or, take a cold shower in order to eliminate. If the former, better your hand than his, right???

Please familiarize yourself with the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

I recommend that the two of you read each of the articles, together or separately, and then discuss what you have learned. Add the information from each article to the knowledge you have already acquired.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Marebear1991]

Thank you for the advice and yes I meant ejaculate sorry.

[raunchy gal]

I'm a bit concerned Marebear1991 at the sentence where you said he gets angry if you tell him to stop.No one else seems to have addressed this.From your profile name i guess that you are only 19.It's no wonder that your mom and bf's parents are protective of you.I am concerned because i was sexually abused by my husband who i am divorcing.Whenever i was too tired or feeling depressed or even if one of our children was in the bed with us he would get angry and frustrated and force himself on me.Yes even if one of our children was in the bed with us he would rape me.Or else he would push me out of bed and make me sleep on the floor.
I'm not suggesting your boyfriend would do this but you need to explain to him your fears and worries and if he doesn't listen or decides to leave that's his loss and you can go find someone who treats you better and respects you when you say stop or i don't feel comfortable with this.

[Brandye]

If the fear of being discovered is causing all this angst, find some privacy. Use your imagination; not that hard.

[Marebear1991]

To be honest, I'm quite afraid of him. He has hit me in the past but not because of sexual activity. I feel I deserve it though for cheating on him twice(the guy I cheated with I only gave him two blowjobs, really bad mistakes)but he wasn't the best boyfriend at the time either...

I don't mean to make him sound like a terrible person cause he definitely isn't! He has a wonderful heart but he just needs to figure out how to love better...I hope.

[nuttychick]

Any guy who hits a woman is a total loser.. Dump him....Quick

[Aphrodite_66]

Only you can know what's best for you Marebear.Nutty's right any man who hits a woman for any reason is not deserving of her love and affection.You say your mom and your boyfriends parents are protective of you.Can you confide in them and tell them about your fears and concerns about your boyfriend's behaviour and anger.Maybe he needs anger management classes

[dancingdoc2]

> To be honest, I'm quite afraid of him. He has hit me in the past but

You are afraid yet you continue to be with an abusive person, rather than to continue dating others in order to help find Mr. Right.

> I feel I deserve it though for cheating on him twice

Where is your self esteem and your pride in self? What is it about how you view yourself that you continue to be with a person who does not worship the ground you walk upon, AND, who does not wake up each morning and ask himself: "Self, what can I do today to make 'Marebear's' life better?"

* You need to mature sufficiently in order to reach a point in your life where you are one with yourself and do not need a man in order to complete you.

* You need to mature sufficiently in order to be in charge of who and what you are--not to turn those reins over to someone else.

No person, and certainly no woman deserves to be mistreated. What is it about you that you believe a man should hit you for something you did? I recommend that you work on yourself, first, then when you are pleased with you and can stand up for yourself, and have limits and boundaries in place--consider sharing your life.

> he wasn't the best boyfriend at the time either...
> I'm quite afraid of him.

From the chronology of your posts, it seems like he still is not the best boyfriend. Nobody should be in a fearful relationship! "Life is too short." Life as many more loving individuals from which to choose, if only a person will continue to date.

You are not the first person to state "but I love him" and/or that I thought I could fix him. Truth be told, you cannot fix someone for whom you do not have the the experience or training to help.

Bottom Line: He should seek anger management training and you should be dating.

Learn to be a stronger individual, emotionally and in principle. You do not have to be so needy that you are desperate, settling for a man who cannot control his emotions and outbursts. You deserve better, but only you can opt to do better. That this guy can be nice some of the time and lash out at other times is typical behavior of a bully or a person who puts his own interests and importance above others.