How to meet women

[sphinx]

Dear all,

I have a bit of a predicament here. Let me tell you a bit about me to give a fuller picture. I am the kind of person who doesn't like the idea of sleeping around for myself, however I can accept that other people do and I don't see that as a problem. I personally just couldn't though. I don't know why. I'm not really a nightclub, go out and get drunk person either and I don't like the nightclub environment in terms of everyone coming onto pretty much everyone else. I know other people do like that kind of environment and I don't hold that against them, it's just the way that I am. I am however very adamant that people should have a healthy sex life and that people should be comfortable with their bodies. I pretty much contradict myself here, but things like masturbation, sex before marriage and what have you, I am completely for. I guess its just that I wouldn't be able to let myself have sex with a woman i don't know or care about, and I couldn't take advantage of someone who is drunk. Even if when they aren't drunk they may show interest in me.
Long story short, I am 23, a guy, never had sex, and given that I don't enjoy the pub/nightclub scene, I have absolutely no idea how to put myself in the position to meet a woman who I can actually form a long lasting relationship with. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to improve my lot/change my mindset/get over myself and deal with it?
I don't want to post much more because then the post will just get too long for people to read.
Many thanks in advance for your replies and sorry if the message is a bit short, it's not intentional, I'm just not used to talking about my personal sex life issues.
Sphinx

[lnt1103]

Bookstores, libraries, coffee shops, church, professional networking clubs, if you're in the US right about now you could try volunteering for your favorite political party or candidate (but hurry, as the election is in two weeks).....

There's always internet dating. Don't scoff. In less than 5 months I'll be married to a man I met online 3 years ago and have lived with for 2 of those 3. However, I will also tell you that there are about as many opinions on the efficacy, safety, advisability and methodology of online dating, as there are members of the SI101 community.

[sphinx]

Hi Int,

Congrats on your soon to be marriage
I think I am going to try a combination of bookstores, libraries and coffee shops. I have just looked at the dating advice on this site i.e. striking up conversation and so on so we will see how that goes. Thank you for the reply, I guess I posted it more for myself so that I could vent my frustration lol.
The joys of being human... :P

[LolaLollipop]

Is it worth letting a few friends know you are on the look out? You could wind up with a few woefully bad dates (which make good stories for when a future lady wants to know what you did before she was lucky enough to snag you), or your friends could come through with someone (or even several) awesome ladies for you to get to know right away.

[dancingdoc2]

> I don't enjoy the pub/nightclub scene, I have absolutely no idea how to put myself in the position to meet a woman who I can actually form a long lasting relationship with. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to improve my lot/change my mindset/get over myself and deal with it?

Here is what I have recommended in the past when the question was posed, and what I am going to recommend to you, now:

1. Let family members, friends, neighbors, and, coworkers, know that you are available and interested in dating. Ask them if they know of anybody interested in dating and to introduce the two of you--now, or in the future. This is called "networking". The more eyes and ears you have working on your behalf, the more likely it will be that someone will come into view.

2. Join a club in which women participate. This can be a school organization, or, a professional organization. Consider both a hobby related group and/or one of the service organizations in the community.

3. Volunteer. Not only will you be doing worthwhile work, you will be meeting people, AND, you can enlist one or more of them (1) should there not be anybody interested in dating who is also volunteering.

4. Check the personal section of your local or nearby city's newspaper. If you live in or close to a large city with an underground newspaper, check its personals.

5. Check into local dating services.

6. Go to church and become known (1) & (3).

7. Check with the Chamber of Commerce as well as a church to see if there are any singles organizations you can join.

8. Learn to dance: Ballroom dancing to include, Salsa, West Coast Swing, East Coast Swing, Tango, all are good ways to exercise, meet others, network, have fun. While all fall under the umbrella term of "Ballroom", in many cities, each has its own separate following and places (restaurants and lounges, and, "dance halls", where you can go and participate.) You might find Salsa dancers a bit more "loose" when done in lounges (not bars, there is a difference) so, yes, you might find a few inebriated people occasionally. My point being, with each of these venues, dancing is why people go, it is not to meet people and maybe dance. The emphasis is the other way around. As a general rule, Ballroom dancers do not drink--at least while dancing.

> I personally just couldn't though. I don't know why.

Thinkaboutit. If you couldn't, then, you must have a reason.

> I'm just not used to talking about my personal sex life issues.

You did not have to as this has nothing to do with your question; although, the part about nightclubs and bars is a point well made.

[sphinx]

Thanks for the advice doc and lola,
I think the dancing might actually be a really good idea. I'm not too bad on me feet, mostly just untrained, but that can be solved. I actually enjoy dancing, I just don't do it because, well I actually don't have an excuse other than laziness I guess.
So yes thanks for the advice, I think an internet search followed by actual action will resolve some of it. As for asking friends and family if they know anyone, kinda a difficult one because I'm in a fairly new place which I guess is part of the problem. Time to live life and let work wind its way along as it needs to.

Thanks
Sphinx

[dancingdoc2]

Do you live in the U.S.A? If so, where, and if not a big city, near which one?

As for dance lessons, as mentioned in the article I wrote on the subject, check out your local Parks and Recreations department and/or Community Service District for class information. Many of them teach Ballroom. You can also check out independent dance studios, and lastly, the franchises--Arthur Murray or Fred Astaire. Enroll in group classes and if private lessons are offered, take a few once in a while to add polish and nip problems before they become bad habits.

Check your phone book for studios. You can also go on the net and query about dancing in your town or nearby city. Here in Sacramento there are enough regular weekly dances and periodic special dances to keep one busy six nights a week! As for restaurants and lounges, you just have to talk to other dancers for information on any of these places.

> As for asking friends and family if they know anyone, kinda a difficult one because I'm in a fairly new place which I guess is part of the problem. Time to live life and let work wind its way along as it needs to.

Begin developing new friendships. I've given you ideas on how to do this.
Enlist the help of coworkers.
Talk to neighbors.
...and, get out of the house and find a group or organization to join in which women also participate. Oh, heck, I'm repeating myself. It's up to you to make things happen.

[sphinx]

No I'm in the UK.
I've found a club that is my scene to go to, it's a book club which is a start. I enjoy a good book. Still looking for dancing. If I were in Scotland I'd be fine, Ceilidhs 7 nights out of 7 is plenty to be going on with. Still looking where I am though. There will be something in the papers in the morning I am sure.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me but have you noticed there are women EVERYWHERE! Sure, you may not want to date them all but hey - OPEN your eyes and give up these pre-conceived notions of yours. Nightclubs are for meeting people and you fon't have to drink, you can just dance if you want to - and I told you how to use nightclubs in the other thread.

I also add colleges and universities to the list of good places to find women. Sports are also good places esp if horse related -lots of women are into horses- esp in the UK. (I lived there for 3 years myself and I also prefer Scotland.)

There is always something going on - so just DIVE IN.

[Brandye]

No place like a church to get laid!