What a woman wants

[mormegil]

Ok I need help,I'm 23 my gf of 3 years dumped me on holiday for another man about 6 weeks ago. I have since been working out getting into shape etc. I decided to enjoy the single life but recently I have been chatting to a lifeguard where I go swimming. She is 21 and has recently split from her bf of two years. We chatted quite a lot over a week or 2. Anyway One day she called me over and gave me her number. I took her out for a drink, and we ended up just talking till 3am.

Over the next 3 days she text me quite a lot and kept asking things like how I enjoyed single life and stuff. I asked if she wanted to do something. She asked what I had in mind. I said she could come round mine and watch a film or we could go out. She said she wanted to come round mine. So we watched a Film and about half way through she started cuddling up to me I put my arm around her and it felt good. The film finished and I thought she would want to go but she asked to watch another film so we did and we cuddled and then chatted Till about 1.30am she kept texting me again and said how she enjoyed cuddling with me. I told her I enjoyed it as well. The texts started to get flirty over the next day or 2.

We arranged to meet up again. I offered to take her to dinner but she said she would rather cuddle up to me again. So she came round we watched films
and cuddled. I started to feel brave, We had a bag of marshmallows so I took one out to give to her and moved it away and kissed her when she went for it. We watched a bit more film. And she turned around and kissed me. Anyway to cut it short we kissed some more things got a bit more passionate we went to 2nd base and I eventually took her home at 4am.

So my problem is that I really like this girl. But I'm worried that:
1. I might be on the rebound but as I wasn't interested in any sort of dating I'm not sure it is a rebound.
2. She might be on the rebound

basically I was happy being single but I would be 100% interested in a relationship with this girl. But I'm confused as to what she wants as we have talked loads and get on really well and got to know each other. She has also asked quite a lot if I like being single. This makes me think she would be interested in a relationship. But she always wants to come round and cuddle/ kiss and turns down dates. So maybe she just wants fun?

I know most people will say I should ask her but it's only been 3 dates in about a week and a half. I don't want to come on to strong too quick and I really like her so don't want to scare her off!

HELP ME PLEASE

[raunchy gal]

Mormegil please read the topics on dating/new relationships in the index if you haven't already.It may be on the rebound for one or both of you but it may not be either.You seem to be able to talk to each other ok so perhaps next time you meet you should both discuss openly what it is you both want from each other.As you've already progressed to second base with her it would be a good idea to have this talk before it went to third base and then beyond

[lnt1103]

Personally, I happen to think you're both on the rebound. IMHO, you're both in a stage where you need some reaffirmation that the one you just broke up with isn't the only member of the opposite sex who will ever find you you desirable/lovable.

But I could be wrong too. It all depends on the two specific people.

[dancingdoc2]

> So my problem is that I really like this girl. But I'm worried that:
1. I might be on the rebound but as I wasn't interested in any sort of dating I'm not sure it is a rebound.
2. She might be on the rebound

My definition of this life process is when a man or woman has invested a lot of time, effort, and emotion into another person and then learns that the relationship for whatever reason has failed, there is a time required to grieve and to heal. The time required can be weeks, although, is more typically months.

During this period of recovery, it is wise not to jump right into another {rebound) relationship with someone in which you try to recover what was lost with the person in the previous relationship. Learn to be single, again; learn to be comfortable with yourself. Relationships have the greatest chance for success when two autonomous adults choose to join forces in order to become greater than the sum of their two individual parts. Said another way: A successful relationship happens when two people, each with a past, come together in order to create a future.

My recommendation for your immediate present is to spend lots of time focusing on developing a good, a strong, an intimate, friendship. If you want a lasting relationship with this new person, or someone else down the line, then devote lots of quality time building a solid foundation for everything that will follow to rest upon. Later, whether on the rebound or not, you can then add sex to the mix. This is not to say that you cannot begin slowly with some fooling around and making out, just do not be in a big hurry to have sex and orgasms. Do this only after you have a strong interpersonal foundation in place.

> I offered to take her to dinner but she said she would rather cuddle up to me again. So she came round we watched films and cuddled.

Did you cook dinner? Yes, or no, plan to cook a nice dinner served on a table with candles, a small bouquet, and if you have them, a table cloth and napkins.

> I'm confused as to what she wants as we have talked loads and get on really well and got to know each other. She has also asked quite a lot if I like being single. This makes me think she would be interested in a relationship. But she always wants to come round and cuddle/ kiss and turns down dates. So maybe she just wants fun?

I'll say it, again: Successful relationships are built in part on communication and feedback. Ask her! Tell her. Then, proceed using Implied Consent. {There is an article listed in the Index on this.)

> I know most people will say I should ask her but it's only been 3 dates in about a week and a half. I don't want to come on to strong too quick and I really like her so don't want to scare her off!

Scare her off? From your description of events, it is she who is asking how you like this and that. You can tell her what you want and that you believe at this point you would like "this" with her--then stand back and observe her reaction. Proceed on Implied Consent. So, with this approach, you do not have to ask her and possibly scare her off. You simply state what you would like to see happen based upon what you know now, and if she agrees, you will know simply by the way she acts and behaves toward you. Simply, huh?

Now, to help you out short term and long term, please read all of the articles listed in the Index. There is much to be gained by reading those that discuss relationships and dating. Knowledge is empowering. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

A little snogging and even some shagging do not a relationship make. Perhaps yopu are on the rebound; perhaps she is on the rebound. Possibly one of you will get hurt a bit. That is nothing compared to the end of an established relationship. You may be great medicine for one another.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please, just stop. You are over-thinking this whole thing. Keep this simple.
This is not a relationship. It doesn't have to be a "relationship".

You enjoy being with her; she enjoys being with you; and that is enough.

Relax and see where your dates take you both.

[teena22]

I agree with Int1103 that both of you are on the rebound. I think both of you just take your time and enjoy your single life first. I also think that your on the right track of starting off as friends and hanging out. Just take it from there. Don't be in a hurry to be in a relationship again. Just go with the flow.

[tank5617]

just be friends i was dumped by my gf couple months ago and i consider it "vaction" i didnt want a reboud relationship and i have just recently turnd down a girl tht asked me out because i dont want a relationship and i dont think im emotionally ready 4 another let down so just take off for like a month or 2

[Qplezsthawife]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Please, just stop. You are over-thinking this whole thing. Keep this simple.
This is not a relationship. It doesn't have to be a "relationship".

You enjoy being with her; she enjoys being with you; and that is enough.

Relax and see where your dates take you both.

i agree

do what i use to tell my best friend....."STFU and enjoy the ride"

[Qplezsthawife]

Originally Posted by tank5617

just be friends i was dumped by my gf couple months ago and i consider it "vaction" i didnt want a reboud relationship and i have just recently turnd down a girl tht asked me out because i dont want a relationship and i dont think im emotionally ready 4 another let down so just take off for like a month or 2

u need a jump-off then