Just been cheated on and feel lost

[Sinful Mizery]

A week ago my girlfriend decided to end our relationship with a breakup email. It was full of a lot of cleshay lines which were I don't love you anymore, and have just fallen out of love with you, and i hope we can remain friends. Needless to say I didn't buy that for a min, so I kept bugging and bugging her until I received the answer which broke my heart. She told me that she cheated on me twice and it was with the same guy. Once I read that online I was floored and couldn't get back up. We agreed to meet up at a local park near my place so we could talk face to face about what she did. I cried and called her a whore and said that she's no different then the others that I've dated since most of them have done the same thing. She said she made a mistake and only wants me to which I countered that she has a funny way of showing it. After all of this I don't know what I want anymore, weather its her or someone else. But the fact is I still want to kick the guys ass for his part in this because she did say that she has a boyfriend. I found her the most fun and cool women I've ever dated so its hard to let go, but I can't trust her now. So one idea was thrown around that we should go to couple counseling to work things out and try to save this. All of this seems too much and it feels like I'm drowning in sorrow, but also my own mentality is called in question. I was molested as a child and now feel like I can't even show her my body plus I now feel that sex is disgusting, but I did love it up until this point.

[RedRoses]

Dear Sinful Mizery,
I'm so sorry for you. I've been reading your posts and you've been through quite a lot. After your recent experience, I can totally understand why this has such great impact and why you feel disgusted by sex at this moment. I don't know you, but I can honestly tell you this without a doubt: it is NOT your fault! It is not your fault that someone took advantage of you as a child! And it is not your fault that she decided to sleep with another! Whatever was going on between you two, she decided to do this...

You have every reason to feel sad, but please try to keep your head up high and not to drown in sorrow. And remember: your body is just as beautiful as it was before. You are just as beautiful as you were before!

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - you called a woman to whom you were not married and over whom you had no rights a whore??!?!?

ARE YOU INSANE?!?!!?

You should be kicked from here to Hell and back, buddy.

LOOK: since "most of the others I've dated have done the same thing" - then the problem is NOT them - it is YOU. This obessessive thing you're doing is DRIVING them away and into the arms of more emotionally mature males.

But, you were molested and that has had a brutal effect upon you.
SEEK COUNSELING for the molestation before you date another woman.
That is NOT something you can just get over and it is poisoning your relationships because the molestation is driving your obssession for 'purity'.

May your molester rot in Hell btw. That was not your fault. But not getting proper medical help for the molestation - time to get it done.

[Brandye]

She wanted to break up with you. That hurts. You pressed and pressed until you were told something that hurt even more. Much more. You cannot regain what you thought it was and you will never regain the trust necessary for it to be so. I follow on the damnation of molesters but you are now responsible for what you will do about that.

We women, for better or for worse, try to end these things gently and men, for better or for worse, usually press for more information than they really want to know. See a counselor and rebuild your image of sex from the bottom up.

[RedRoses]

Hmmm... EEK is right about calling names. Though I can imagine that you did, with all the emotion going on... However: no-one ever has any rights over another person, married or not. In fact: marriage is nothing but a contract. I think it's all about whatever you agree upon in a relationship. You could agree upon seeing others, remain exclusive to eachother, etc.

In this case (pardon me for not directly addressing to you, SM, but describing it this way makes it a bit less subjective): she told him she "cheated" on him. She wouldn't have used those words, unless she was convinced she did something that was against the agreement they made in their relationship. Him reacting emotionally, only proofs that he thought it was against it as well. Whether the line was set with an autograph on back and white or not, it is very clear it is there for both parties. And sadly: it has been crossed.

Off course: you are responsible for your actions. She is responsible for any decision she makes as well. And she decided to cross. Whatever was going on before in the relationship, could have been solved differently. Maybe would have left you heartbroken as well, yet different.

About the counseling: that's probably a good suggestion. I have no experience with counseling, mostly due to how my mother reacts to anyone 'seeking help'; she considers it pathetic. Yet: what's more strong? Admitting how you've got a problem and get some help, so you become the person you actually are- freeing yourself from the weight pressing down on you? Or just be stubborn with your head buried in the sand? You know; there will come a time when you start drowning and you really could use some help... I've recently signed up for it

Sinful mizery, I wish you luck and I wish you love!

[Sinful Mizery]

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;258483]OMG - you called a woman to whom you were not married and over whom you had no rights a whore??!?!?

ARE YOU INSANE?!?!!?

You should be kicked from here to Hell and back, buddy.

As far as I see things in life anyone who cheats regardless of gender is a whore so I could care less on u getting all upset with me on that issue.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Cheating in its proper sense ONLY applies to those who are married, regardless of words used - Are you two married? NO, you're not. Therefore, YOU are out of line. Whores trade sex for money or other remuneration. She was just out to have a good time.

More importantly, are you getting pro medical help for your issues?

[Sinful Mizery]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Cheating in its proper sense ONLY applies to those who are married, regardless of words used - Are you two married? NO, you're not. Therefore, YOU are out of line. Whores trade sex for money or other remuneration. She was just out to have a good time.

More importantly, are you getting pro medical help for your issues?

so long term dating by your words means u can bone who ever u want lol such a interesting view on life eh

[Sinful Mizery]

More importantly, are you getting pro medical help for your issues?[/QUOTE]

As in the molested thing yes i will

[EvilEvilKitten]

Good.
Doing that will change how you behave and react which will in turn improve your relationships by improving your view of yourself and by changing some of your internal sexual policies for the better.

No you can't "bone whoever you want" - only those who freely wish to share the joy of sex with you and not from any 'need'.