Over Seas Relationship

[Karimah]

I've tried searching the forums but can't find anything. I've been in a relationship with a guy I'm slightly older than (we're both 19, my birthday in November, his in December), who lives in Northern Ireland, for over two years. We've known each other for three. We talk on webcam when we get the chance. We've talked to each other almost everyday. A majority of the time I talk to him through IM on my cell phone to avoid long distance charges.

I've noticed my body starting to feel numb lately. The only way to avoid the numbness is to talk over webcam and sometimes more than that, which in short is masturbating for each other. I believe the numbness is mostly from hiding the relationship from my parents, but some of it to just wanting to feel my boyfriend hold me. The reason I don't tell my parents is because my dad is a cop and very protective of me when it comes to guys. I've told my mom in the beginning, but she forgot after I talked to her about one of my male friends who I got along with well.

My boyfriend has been trying to get the money to come over, but he has a hard time saving since his mom gets sick easily due to diabetes and he needs checkups due to having Addisons (low hormone supply in adrenal glands). We've talked about our future together constantly and even about names for our kids. I think about him constantly and I know it's not lust because we've talked about shows, politics, video games, etc.

My main issue is the numbness I feel throughout my body. I'm not telling my parents since me and my boyfriend feels it's best they learn about him when he's here in person. I feel dead without him so leaving him is out of the question even though I've tried, I've ended up back with him. He has never left me even when I became a complete *insert word for female dog* towards him sometimes during menstruation.

I love him so much and want to be with him forever, but the physical depravity can be too much at times. How can I overcome the numbness without leaving him?

[Karimah]

Anyone...?

[Brandye]

Check the definition of depravity. Not much else to be said; long distance relationships can be draining.

[Karimah]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Check the definition of depravity. Not much else to be said; long distance relationships can be draining.

Oh, I meant lack of. ^^;

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is a train wreck waiting to happen because essentially you know NOTHING real about this person.So you've built up this huge fantasy around him, possibly to 'escape' the confines of home.

You go numb because you're emotionally invested in this "relationship".

Worst case scenario: he'll start asking you to send him money go he can 'come over'. This will be delayed because Mommy's ill or he needs more meds or something else 'came up'. This has the smell of a Nigeria Scam with you being 'groomed' to be his patsy.

Can't you get out in the world and find REAL LIVE GUYS in your own neighborhood? If they're good guys, your Dad won't mind - really. IN fact, ask you Dad what you should be on the look out for in the way of 'red flags'.

STEP AWAY from the computer and go OUTSIDE to play!

[Karimah]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

This is a train wreck waiting to happen because essentially you know NOTHING real about this person.So you've built up this huge fantasy around him, possibly to 'escape' the confines of home.

You go numb because you're emotionally invested in this "relationship".

Worst case scenario: he'll start asking you to send him money go he can 'come over'. This will be delayed because Mommy's ill or he needs more meds or something else 'came up'. This has the smell of a Nigeria Scam with you being 'groomed' to be his patsy.

Can't you get out in the world and find REAL LIVE GUYS in your own neighborhood? If they're good guys, your Dad won't mind - really. IN fact, ask you Dad what you should be on the look out for in the way of 'red flags'.

STEP AWAY from the computer and go OUTSIDE to play!

He won't let me help. Besides, I'm broke. When I did have the money he wouldn't let me and when I became broke he said that's the reason why he didn't want me helping. Plus, I fail miserably trying to start a relationship in person.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why do you fail miserably in person? Have you identified the core problem?

[Karimah]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Why do you fail miserably in person? Have you identified the core problem?

Because I can be extremely paranoid and because I went through depression in middle school I can be clingy with the fear of not keeping the feeling of being loved. Plus, because of the depression, when I'm dumped I feel absolutely no one loves me and that I don't deserve to waste space on Earth.

No psychiatrist thinks I need medication except for being A.D.D. They now think I'm passed my depression and that I'll learn to get passed the stressed of life. I'm a 19 year old who is some how sheltered with a family that makes small sexual jokes. I sometimes feel like the outcast when there's more than three people in a conversation and it hurts...a lot.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So you don't think you have any value unless somebody loves you?
Doesn't you family love you? Isn't that enough for you to be starting with?

[Karimah]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

So you don't think you have any value unless somebody loves you?
Doesn't you family love you? Isn't that enough for you to be starting with?

I feel accepted by them when it's just me and my parents. Whenever my brother's around I feel like an outcast because he starts talking about things I don't even know. Whenever I say I don't know about whatever he's talking about he tells me everyone knows about it and most of the time my parents agree with him and it makes me feel slow. Mostly, with my family I feel slow and unknowledged. I can also feel the same with friends, but I play along with them, but with my family I just shut up and wait for the conversation to be over.