Over Seas Relationship

[ExtraChrisB]

My opinion is in between Kitten's and Karimah.

If you feel like you want to be with this person, then great. Long distance relationships are hard, but if that's what you want, and if you feel great with this person, then great!

On the other hand, if you're literally feeling numb, you're probably investing yourself in this relationship too much. You gotta go outside and live your life! It won't take away from your relationship, but it should actually enhance it. The more you celebrate yourself and learn about yourself, the better suited you will be for a relationship. That's not to say that's what you need to be preparing yourself for, but if that's what you want, you need to learn how to be yourself and love every second of it

I hope this helps.

[raunchy gal]

I've been chatting to a man 4 years older than me in the US everyday for almost 6months.We have slowly built up our friendship and now find that it is blossoming into something else.We have mainly chatted on the net but i called him on the telephone for Christmas.We have many things in common,and we chatted on the telephone for an hour.I found him very easy to talk to,and a very genuine caring person.Neither of us wanted to say goodbye,and i had to hang up first.We have never talked about sex or exchanged pics of our body parts,so i know it's not lust.Neither of us can afford to visit the other at the moment,so talking on the net and telephone is the only way we can communicate for the time being.I have been warned about the dangers of internet romances but this seems like the real thing.I really want to be with this man.There's an ache in my heart that i feel only he can help heal.We are both mature adults,i'm 44,he's 48 and i'm in Australia so we really are on opposite sides of the world,but i really feel in my heart that he is the one for me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"There's an ache in my heart that i feel only he can help heal."

Um...yeah. Knight in Shiny Armor rescuing Fair Maid from the Evil Dragon.

You might as well say "Ragdoll available; predators apply within."

You might find it useful to ask yourself why you continually kneel when saying hello. Do you think cowering will keep you from being hit? Do you want his love or his pity; his admiration and respect or his dismissive disgust?

Do you fear rejection that badly?

[raunchy gal]

I don't want him to rescue me EEK. Yes i admit i'm a romantic and i wear my heart on my sleeve.I am trying to get my act together, and he knows my situation and is trying to encourage me to become a stronger person.He also has been messed around and hurt deeply and betrayed by others as i have.We understand each other,and are endeavouring to build each others confidence and trust.If a relationship blossoms in the process,is that such a bad thing.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It would be a bad thing if investing in such a relationship prevented you from forming one elsewhere with a man more immediately available.

[lnt1103]

RG, did you ever see the 1990's movie Sabrina, with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond?

Sabrina is the chauffeur's daughter. The younger son of the employing family, David, has been her dream love interest for literally her entire life. She's had a crush on him as far back as she can remember. As an adult, she spends time in Paris, finding herself. She becomes good friends with her boss in Paris, who she tells about David. Her boss likens David to an illusion and says, "Illusions are dangerous people, because they have no flaws." I won't spoil the movie except to say it's not David she ends up with.

A relationship blossoming from a friendship is not a bad thing, no, of course not. But one of the harsh realities of online relationships is this: until you meet in person, and spend real, quality time getting to know him in person, he's just as much an illusion as David is.

[raunchy gal]

Yes int1103 i have seen that movie,but i prefer the original version with Audrey Heburn and Humphrey Bogart.I understand what you are saying but there is no one else who understands me,and who shares similar interests to me.We do hope to meet sometime in the not too distant future.Perhaps meeting somewhere in the middle so we don't have to travel so far.But first i have to learn to love myself and become a stronger person.I feel so comfortable chatting to him on the net,and telephone and for your information EEK that other person closer to me is not interested in a relationship.Also i do know the dangers of internet romances,and what of arranged marriages where the couple does not meet or even speak till the wedding day.Not all of them work,but some do.It is the same with internet romances also.

[lnt1103]

I'm the fruit of a successful internet relationship. We're getting married in two months.

The bottom line is, this guy of yours is a computer screen and a phone cord. Nothing more. In all honesty, you're not even certain he's male. If you let your heart get this set on this person without TRULY knowing him in real life, you block yourself from any possibilities with people you DO know in real life. I think that's EEK's concern.

You're right. You've got to learn to love yourself first. WITHOUT your heart set on anyone. It's the only way to break the cycle of unsuccess.

[raunchy gal]

Well int1103my friend read this thread and he agrees with EEK.We've agreed to just be friends for the time being until such time we can meet in person and see how things go.He is trying to support and encourage me to become a stronger person.The fact is i don't make friends very easily,and the men i know in person are either married or not interested in a relationship with me.I don't go to clubs and don't communicate well with others.I don't want to give up on the possibility of ever having a relationship with my friend.

[lnt1103]

I'm not saying you should give up on the possibility of ever having a relationship with him. All I'm saying is, until you've met face to face and truly gotten to know each other's ins and outs in person long term, don't make him the ONLY possibility you're willing to entertain.

Here's my online relationship story: T and I talked online and via phone for 5 months before meeting face to face. Granted our relationship was a little easier travel-wise than yours, as we only lived 180 miles apart. After meeting face to face, we did 14 months of 1 to 2, weekend-long, dates per month. And there was a Valentine's Day trip that because of a federal holiday and a snow storm that prohibited travel, ended up lasting basically a whole week. At that point, I moved 180 miles away from everything I'd ever known, to live with him. Ten months later we almost ended but came through it, and four months after that, he proposed. All told, it will be 2 months shy of 4 years from our first online conversation to our wedding day. And let me tell you, we've had more than that one major speed bump along the way.

There's a reason I didn't move right when we met face to face, and there's a reason we didn't marry right when I moved. We needed to know each other inside out and backwards first, and we needed to learn how to negotiate the speed bumps. That takes time and in-person interaction. There's just no other way.