Any advice is much appreciated

[Aristotle]

Hello everyone, I am new to this website and looks like there are alot of informative and experienced people here. Before I get into what I am wanting some advice on I thought I would say a little about my background.

First off I moved around alot when I lived with my parents, across state and across country. I love sports and I played at least one in every school i've been to. I was always a straight A student, helpful to my class mates, friendly to everyone. It got to the point where whenever we would move, I just did my school work and did the sports but I didn't bother to make friends because I always knew, whether a week out or a year out I would probably never see them again. When I was younger I was always outgoing when it came to people and talking and hanging out with everyone. Then I don't really know what happened, but now I am fairly shy when it comes to meeting new people and girls especially. No matter what school I went to however everyone knew who I was or at least my name. People who I had never laid eyes on much less spoken with would come up to me and just start talking and would say my name before I had introduced myself (both guys and girls).

I know I am a good looking guy (people tell me all the time), I am very fit ( I do PT every day for about an hour and a half), and fairly smart as well. I moved down here about four to five months ago, my first priority was to find a full time job, I ended up finding two full time jobs, along with being a part time student at college. I live for the outdoors, I go hiking, swiming, camping, rafting, anything you can think of (thats where what little free time I have goes). I still don't know anyone down here very well at all. I don't know where to go to meet people that enjoy similar things as I do, nor do I usually have the time. I am a fun person though, very enjoyable to be around and never in a mood .

I went without dating until about April of this year, that's also when I lost my virginity. To be honest I wish none of it ever happened, I am not wanting to get into detail on those couple months. I have yet to have a real relationship with someone which is something I would like to find sooner than later. I work anywhere from 6-7 days a week usually with two eight hour shifts one after another, so yes I know I am a work-a-holic. I love working, it fills in the time and gives me something to do.

Basically I am wanting any advice on anything about where I can find people, get out of this blasted shy crap that has been keeping me down for so long, and how to approach people. If anyone is able to possibly help me out with some extra advice (preferably from experience) on where to meet, and approach women.

I just feel as if I am missing out on alot in life, and I feel that it is about time to make some time for a more of an enjoyable sociale life than just at work and class once to twice a week.

[EvilEvilKitten]

"I went without dating until about April of this year, that's also when I lost my virginity. To be honest I wish none of it ever happened,"

Well, until you think about why what happened happened and LEARN from what happened and why - you won't be ready for "getting over this shy crap" and a real relationship (whatever that means).

Where do you expect to find the time to meet people?

Once you've figured all of that out:

Plan your hunt then hunt your plan.

1. what sort of people?
2. where are they to be found?
3. how are they attracted and how repelled?

You won't find a religious girl in a nightclub you know.

[kenturahangel]

Well since u are a outgoing person and as u stated u are very involved in sports i dont see how it is that u arent meeting people. Besides anpther thing u stated is that u are a work-a-holic, so what i am getting fromthat is that u meet and interact with people on a day to day basis therefore you have to be building up some rappor with these people u interact with. As an adult i find it more intimedating meeting new people and getting to now them where as a child it came to me much easier because it was like oh u like to play with Barbie dolls oh me too lol sorry for that example but i think u get what am trying to say. it was more easier to find a common ground with new poeple. i hope this helps

[Aristotle]

EvilEvilKitten, I've never been to a night club before, and I am not quite religous as well. And I think the shyness came from when I kept moving over and over. When I said a real relationship I mean by someone I enjoy being around, and where we can enjoy doing things together. If I can figure out some good places to meet people or if I entered a relationship I would drop one of my jobs to part time, then from there possibly even drop that one job entirely (I do not need the second job at all, It is something I got to fill in my time, the extra money in paycheck is a nice factor as well, but wasn't the focus).


kenturahangel, The thing is I moved here very recently and I am not in high school anymore, thus the sports have become few and in between, only thing that has really stayed the same is that I still excercise daily. While at one of my jobs I am a waitor but I try not to mix work with anything else.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Girls and women are everywhere - haven't you noticed?!?!

Several places to meet people include, churches, classes, singles mixers put on by various organizations, bars, nightclubs, concerts, sporting events/outings, the zoo, museums and even grocery stores, gas stations and laundramats.

If you enjoy doing something that women also enjoy doing - say, polo for example, your chances of meeting like-minded women increase if you go to polo matches and be sociable. Join a polo club if you want to. Just do something that puts a smile on your face.

The thing you have to do is to stop hiding. Spend more time socializing than working. Say "Hi, I'm Aristotle" and shake hands with everyone who makes eye contact with you for more than 20 seconds.

As for being shy - relax! Most women and girls do not bite.

[Aristotle]

Okay, so just walk up to people, introduce myself, and see where it goes?

[baby_girl198]

lol yeah kinda just pay attion if the girl is wearing a ring lol u dont wana flirt with a girl who has a husband lol not really good lol but yeah like if ur at a club b like wana dance can i buy u a drink ect ect just a lil small talk lol

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Aristotle

Hello everyone, I am new to this website and looks like there are alot of informative and experienced people here.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions people ask about. If you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

Before I get into what I am wanting some advice on I thought I would say a little about my background.

First off I moved around alot when I lived with my parents, across state and across country. I love sports and I played at least one in every school i've been to. I was always a straight A student, helpful to my class mates, friendly to everyone. It got to the point where whenever we would move, I just did my school work and did the sports but I didn't bother to make friends because I always knew, whether a week out or a year out I would probably never see them again.

I will answer this primarily for all the kids who do move around a lot and are reading this over your shoulder so to speak.

Friends are important to have and friendships should be nurtured in order to help round out and complete the human character. Never turn down an opportunity without first investigating the possibility of developing a friendship with someone. It is also important to know and understand that over a lifetime, friends come and friends go. It is important that we enjoy them while they last.

Friends can be friends even though you do not live close together. For example, when I was in the sixth grade our teacher taught us about developing friendships with others in different cities, and especially in different countries. I befriended an Australian girl and we kept in contact all thru high school.

In high school, I joined a national organization that put people in contact with others by hobbies and interests. We corresponded with each other using audio tapes. I chatted with these "pen pals" all throughout high school. I had a friend who lived in Central California a couple of hundred miles away, another in Massachusetts, and a third down south. These relationships were fun while they lasted, yet over time, ran their course.

Enter the digital age: Before the internet when electronic bulletin boards were all the rage, I began corresponding with a guy in the Seattle area. That was nearly twenty years ago and we still write each other almost weekly. We found each other thru a mutual interest and while our interests and hobbies have changed over the years, we still have a mutual bond. We've visited with each other about four times over the years when he has come to town, and once when he and his family were at Lake Tahoe.

My point being, that as a school kid, you can and should develop friendships regardless of how long they last. A few, might transition into being pen pals when one or the other of you moves. Friendships do not necessarily have to end just because one of you moves. If one or more do end, simply revel in the memories and the good times and move on.

When I was younger I was always outgoing when it came to people and talking and hanging out with everyone. Then I don't really know what happened, but now I am fairly shy when it comes to meeting new people and girls especially. No matter what school I went to however everyone knew who I was or at least my name. People who I had never laid eyes on much less spoken with would come up to me and just start talking and would say my name before I had introduced myself (both guys and girls).

Lucky you! Does this still happen? These meetings are perfect opportunities to show interest in one or more people and to get to know them better. Simply ask a person if s/he would like to meet after school for a Coke, sandwich, ice cream, and take it from there. When a person does this, one or two people may just want to begin a friendship with you!!

I know I am a good looking guy (people tell me all the time), I am very fit ( I do PT every day for about an hour and a half), and fairly smart as well. I moved down here about four to five months ago, my first priority was to find a full time job, I ended up finding two full time jobs, along with being a part time student at college. I live for the outdoors, I go hiking, swiming, camping, rafting, anything you can think of (thats where what little free time I have goes). I still don't know anyone down here very well at all. I don't know where to go to meet people that enjoy similar things as I do, nor do I usually have the time. I am a fun person though, very enjoyable to be around and never in a mood .

Congratulations on being employed full time--twice. I hope you have established two savings accounts {one for long term objectives, one for short term needs and/or desires), and are not spending every dime you make.

Second, can you slow down a bit without compromising too much? You need "me time" and in addition to pursuing your outdoor activities, need to cultivate friendships and not be so much of a hermit.

I have yet to have a real relationship with someone which is something I would like to find sooner than later. I work anywhere from 6-7 days a week usually with two eight hour shifts one after another, so yes I know I am a work-a-holic. I love working, it fills in the time and gives me something to do.

If you can get by working less, you can then fill in the time by looking for people to date, then going on dates, then developing friendships, then spending spare time being with and doing things with others. Please read the articles in the Index regarding dating.

Basically I am wanting any advice on anything about where I can find people,

Hereyago:

* Let family friends, and co workers, know that you are interested in dating and ask that they help you find someone. This is called networking.
* Place yourself in situations where women are likely to be.
+ the gym
+ join a social organization
+ church group
+ volunteer work
+ look to see if there are any organizations that cater to outdoor
activities and then join. Check with stores that sell outdoor equipment,
hiking equipment, sporting goods, etc.

* If you are interested in learning something new, check with the Chamber of Commerce, the local Recreation and Parks Department, or look in the newspaper to see when clubs and/or classes are meeting--then join.

One of my interests is Ballroom dancing. If you live in or near a large city, check out dance studios and sign up. (Read the article on Dancing 101).

Sometime soon when you are on campus, check out the many organizations they have and pick one or two to join. Are there any social activities for students???

Strike up conversations with guys and gals in one or more of your classes. Who knows, one brief conversation may lead to another and who knows what may develop in a short period of time.

Basically, you have to take a bold step to get out of the way of your own shadow, so to speak, in order to be seen by others in places were others are. In a prior life, you said that others gravitated toward you, now it is your turn to present yourself to others and mingle with some of them.

Please refer to the Index, again, and read the articles that discuss dating.

...get out of this blasted shy crap that has been keeping me down for so long, and how to approach people. If anyone is able to possibly help me out with some extra advice (preferably from experience) on where to meet, and approach women.

Shyness demonstrates a lack of self confidence. Spend a few minutes and analyze why you lack confidence or self esteem. Regardless of the reason(s) in order to change the behavior, you have to venture out and make small changes and not be afraid of any consequences. Fear of failure often prevents a person from doing anything new, unfamiliar, or, different. Failure is not the big deal we often make it out to be. You analyze the cause and either try again or try a different approach.

As for interacting with others, do so with a smile, eye contact, and, a show of interest in the other person. As for talking to women, it is important to understand that many women are chatty creatures by nature and all we men have to do is ask a question and stand/sit back and listen; interjecting a comment or question from time to time. Conversing with most women is very easy when you understand the dynamic. When it comes to talking about yourself, my recommendation is to not clam up, do not be secretive, yet, do not be eager to tell all all at once. Dole information out about you a little at at time over time. Keep her interested and wanting more.

I just feel as if I am missing out on alot in life, and I feel that it is about time to make some time for a more of an enjoyable sociale life than just at work and class once to twice a week.

You (and others in your situation) have some tools with which to apply in order to change how you go about your daily life. If first you don't succeed, try try again and do not throw up your hands at the first sign of failure.

You (and others in your situation) now have some tools to use in order to change your life. Put them into practice, learn, and make any necessary mid course corrections if need be.

Which job will let you work fewer hours and/or days?

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Aristotle]

Hey, thanks Doc, I talked with a few people in my class, and we decided to go to this party the other night, everyone was taking turns making drinks and what not. My turn came around and everyone said I made the best drinks. They even told me I should go to bartending school and and work at the clubs around town. I've been reading up on it and I am honestly considering it. It looks like it would be a very fun job and meet alot of people and give me a reason to chat with them all.

I am still not 100% yet but pretty close. Was wanting to get some opinions on it from you all. If anyone has done bartending before as well would love to hear about the experience to help me make up my mind.


Thank you

[baby_girl198]

if u like to bartend then u shohuld at least try to. like have parties where they can bring things they like to drink n just mix it up i guess lol good luck hope u try