A Friend who I love ?

[Handyman55]

I have a friend who I have known for years now and who I have always liked but over the past few years i've started to get feelings and haveing dreams of sex with her, but can anybody help me find a way to tell her that i'm starting to love her with out looseing her if it all go's wrong ?

[dancingdoc2]

> I have a friend who I have known for years now and who I have always liked but over the past few years i've started to get feelings and haveing dreams of sex with her

Howdy! So in essence you are asking about the possibility of having a "Friends with Benefits" relationship.

* How strong is the friendship?
* Do you talk about serious matters?
* Do you talk about personal matters and confide in each other?
* Do you have any familiarity with each other such as kissing
each other hello and good bye, holding hands, hugging, brushing
a hand or arm against her?

> can anybody help me find a way to tell her that i'm starting to love her with out looseing her if it all go's wrong ?

Above, you are asking about sex, now in the next breath you are asking about falling in love with this friend? Which is it to be, to possibly have ongoing sex with a friend, or, discovering that you are falling for this person in a deeper more meaningful way--and as a result fooling around, making out, and, having sex as the outward expression of your love for each other?

If it is the latter, then I think you have your priorities backward. I do understand the sexual attraction; however, as you have stated it, love is last--not first.

You've known this friend for years, and over the past few years....
Apparently these feelings are not very intense because if they were, me thinks you would not be taking "the past few years" to muster up a new level of intimacy. Are you usually this slow to react? I get the feeling that she is convenient and not someone you have intense feelings toward.**

As I see this, only from how you have presented it, is that you have two options:

O#1- Keep the friendship and continue to enjoy the relationship as it is.
** Date other women and find someone with whom you can genuinely fall in love (sooner than later).

O#2- Talk to her and as a topic of casual conversation, ask her a "what if" question about how she feels about FWB relationships and having sex with an existing friend. Her answers will clear a path for what to do next.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, clicking on the site's Home Page will give you even more information.

I recommend reading those article that discuss dating and relationships, first, then move on to absorbing the information in the others. Knowledge is empowering.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

[Handyman55]

Thanks for the help doc, I talked to her after reading it and even though it will be a long dis relationship she said yes to being my girlfriend.

Your one amazing doc on the info