Winning her back.

[EvilEvilKitten]

19 or 25 - there is a future for you that awaits.

When it is love, there are no doubts and no fears - only a calm certainty.
You will find it.

[shinji]

I know, but its so hard. Part of wishes to understand how her feelings changed so quickly, and when she had doubts, why she said the things she did. I am not angry with her, and I still love her. But I need to move on, its hard, but its true. Right now, I am going with what my therapist and my family say, which is to focus on school and my career, and if I find someone I do. If she wants another chance, I'll give it to her. But she also needs to stop running away and she will need to work for it, to earn back my trust and respect.

Right now, I think I am done with dating, at least for a little bit. She said the same thing, so who knows what life will bring, we are both still young.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dammit shinji - so its hard! Everyone on the planet has been crossed in love as the expression goes. Not only does no one escape from life alive, they also do not escape unscathed. Take deep breath then recognise you still breathe - that's the battle won.

[shinji]

Its really hard, and part of wishes she would read this so she know my pain. However, I have had tremendous support from my family, friends, support groups, and so on. So I can move on, it won't be easy, but I can and must. If she wants me back at a later date, depending on the circumstances at the time, I will accept her back. But for now, my life must come first. As someone once put it, now that I am single, way more options have opened up to me.

I do have another question for you EvilKitten, and whoever reads this, I know you all support dating multiple partners, do you think I should hurry to get back into the saddle or should I wait a bit to heal?

[EvilEvilKitten]

IF, and that's a big IF at this point, you can snuggle up to another woman WITHOUT spilling your guts or breaking out in tears, then YES you should get right back out there and date as many women as you can talk into it. Remember, these women are out for fun.

IF you CAN'T, then you should wait.

[shinji]

This is hard, I put some serious thought into it and I'm not ready to date again. I still have strong feelings for her, and I can't let them go. I don't know why, for the longest time I thought we had it all, she even said so to my face, on many occasions before dumping me unsuspectingly less then a day after saying those things again.

I am going to continue therapy to see if I can get over her, and to deal with my mental stress. I delt with a breakup before, and she was easy to get over because she cheated on me. But this is different.

I probably sound like a raving loon by this point, and I don't even care if she see's this, cause I know she knows my username on this site. I thought I was moving on, cause yesterday I truly did feel like I made good progress. But today is different.

Thanks for reading my ramblings as I am pretty sure I sound insane by this point.

[shinji]

Its been a bit, and I believe I am on the right path. I realized I did everything I could for our relationship, and that continuing to pine over her is immature and a waste of time. I am 24, soon to be 25, I need to live my life as best I can. To do that, I am going back to the point that attracted her to me in the first place.

I am going to start taking pride in my appearance, I will laugh, smile, hang with friends, meet new people. If she wants a relationship with me, she can contact me and let me know. But today my depression and brooding must end. I will still be depressed a little, but I will push it away, act my age, and live my life. I am young, there a lot of possibilities out there, and I would be a fool to let them pass me by. Part of me still loves her, and I think part of me always will, but I need to act my age and stop acting like I am 16.

I still love her, and if this re-attracts her, I will be happy, but if it doesn't and she wants to remain friends, then by that time I will have improved enough that the pain will be minimal. I can live my life and explore, work on graduating and getting my degree and start a career. I still want her, but I also want to be the man I was before the breakup, and that was kind, but strong, tall and proud. Not arrogant, just proud.