Attraction to a co worker.

[redb993]

First of all, let me say hello to everyone, long time visitor first time poster. And now to the issue at hand.

I have this attraction to one of my coworkers, she's new there well 4 months she's been there now. But anyway, she know's I'm attracted to her (It kind of slipped out once), she invited me to lunch but we havn't been on the same lunch schedule at work. She's constantly asking me to take trips with her through our work building to help her pick up some of her work load and vice versa, the whole time we're walking we're talking.

She told me she has a boyfriend but I get the sense from her that she isn't very happy with him. but still knowing she has a BF I still flirt with her which she doesn't seem to mind. I want to ask her to lunch outside of work. But I'm worried that if it doesn't work things will get weird for us at work and I don't want to push her away.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Should I take the chance and ask her out? I've been stuck on this question my head for like a month now and it's killing me.

[Brandye]

Work place affairs are fraught with dangers. If you work directly together, be careful. If you are simply in the same building with no common responsibilities, that is different.

[redb993]

We do work directly together. In our policy at work we can't be forming relationships with eachother, we could both get fired. That makes it even more of a delicate situation. I have been single now going on 7 months. If anyone has some experiance with this kind of predicament, I would most surely love to hear how you handled the situation.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me but did you read what you just wrote?

"In our policy at work we can't be forming relationships with eachother, we could both get fired."

Or did you think your employers were just kidding?

What you do is "shake hands and retreat".
Do your hunting elsewhere.

[Ozzy5]

Oh f*** the bourgeois. Like they could even find out unless you have sex in the office. But yeah depends if you actually work together or it is in different parts of the building as Brandeye said.

[RedRoses]

Dear red, I'd like to focus on another part of your question first;

She told me she has a boyfriend but I get the sense from her that she isn't very happy with him.

This means to me you're not just asking about a co-worker, you're also asking about a girl who is occupado. Not married, but still... there's a very good chance in her logic this means: a 1-1 relationship, needing to break up one to start another. I think this is really a sign to back down on not advancing any further than simply flirting! There's too much chance of this becoming awkward. Too much chance of it having a negative outcome: her being uncomfortable with you advancing, engaging in it but breaking up cause of guilt, going back and forth between bf's, etc. Something you may not want to deal with in personal, but surely gets things even more complicated on the job. I would keep my intentions strictly on friendship, if I were you.

In our policy at work we can't be forming relationships with eachother, we could both get fired. That makes it even more of a delicate situation.

That would be a reason to back down! Though in my country, employers may state this all they want. But if they fire someone on these grounds, they'll have to pay up cause it's against the law However; if I were in a company like that, I wouldn't have wanted to get caught in such legal games. Cause they really can give you a hard time without firing you! I would have probably quit my job in favor of the relationship.

Also: you don't want things like this to be a secret. That gives a kind of friction between you and other coworkers. In my personal experience: we did not 'announce' it or anything. We just let it flow naturally and decided never to keep it a secret, should anyone ask. So it was about 1 year later that it came out; as we were taking a holiday together. Everyone was just happy for us! Including our director who personally told me I guess you're not in such a merry situation...

Attraction to a co worker

Do consider the above mentioned!!!
But in it's nature, there's nothing wrong with feeling attracted or having a relationship. Things you should realize is:
- if she turns you down and feels uncomfortable with this situation, it could really influence your work-relation. (she could even complain about you harassing her)
- if she really likes you, you can't show those butterflies at work.
- if you get into a relationship and you've had a fight, you need to be so professional that you can let go of it on the job.
- if the relationship breaks up, particularly in anger, you may find yourself in a really awkward situation and want to find another job.

In short: you need discipline to keep your attitude @home/@work separated. Believe me; I've got years of experience by now... No regrets though

So: Love and attraction comes whenever it comes around. But I'd second guess your feelings and your chances on this girl!

[EvilEvilKitten]

What sort of woman she is is - irrelevant.

Here it is NOT against the law to fire someone who goes against promulgated and acknowledged employer policies. Once he signs the policy acknowledgement (I have read, understood & will abide by...) - he's obligated to honor it - tis now a contract. Any breach of this cnotract and he's in for it - legally liable.

He's been single for 7 months and just itching to get back into harness. His ardor is blinding him but not completely which is why he's asked us.

Buddy: shake hands & retreat!

Of course everyone knows! With the job market being what it is, people are looking even more closely to see who's doing what to see if they can get an edge etc. Work places are hot beds of gossip as well as ambition. If cutting throats is required then better yours than the next guy's - is how the next guy sees it.

[Grim]

How much is your job important to you?
How strictly is the no-dating policy enforced?
How hot is the woman?

Just answer these questions to yourself and decide.

[redb993]

My job is very important, right now my state has the highest unemployment rate in the country so I'm not to eager to lose it.

I work for civil service so our rules are kind of strict but I've not seen anyone fired from it during my time on the job. But then again, the policy is enforced when they see fit I hate to say it.

And for hotness... Fire me now before I sin...

But I had been thinking, I'll probably do as EvilKitten said, shake hands and retreat. But she does keep in contact with me either by chat or message daily on facebook.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Facebook & chat?

STOP

Seriously, you're a grown man so the question to be asking yourself is "worth my job"?