when will she trust me

[duh477]

A girl that I have know for 6 years. Finally started dating a few weeks ago. We are both 22 We went to the beach for a day and had a great time and we make out and have slept with each other a few times but she never wants to have sex. If she isnt ready thats fine. I just dont understand why she has known me and wanted me to go out with her for over 6 years. I want a girlfriend and it doesnt make me feel good knowing that she still doesnt trust me. Should I ask her why she doesnt? I dont want to make a big deal out of it I would stay friends with her but I just think she should be able to trust me by now. How much time should I give her? because I dont want a gf that doesnt trust me enough to have sex because that would make her no different than anyother girl I know she's just another female friend then. Am I wrong?

[RedRoses]

Cool that a friend you've known such long time is becoming your girlfriend Yes; that will give you two some advantages, because you have a long-time-connection, you know eachother well and have some trust and history already build on. But Duh; you must realize you've just started dating a few weeks. My advice: give the girl some time to accumulate to this new situation! And maybe; you should just see how this goes as well Are you in a hurry? Just enjoy your new perspective!

Interesting would be: why would you consider her not having sex to be a lack-of-trust-thing? There could be a thousand-and-one reasons why she's not up to sex yet, a lot that got nothing to do with you. Does a girl have to have sex with you to proof she 'trusts' you? Why?

[EvilEvilKitten]

How odd that after 6 years YOU don't seem to know anything about her.

"Men fall in love more quickly than women. Where a woman takes her time and considers what is real, a man runs with first impressions and invents the rest according to his fantasy." -Thomas Fink

The basis of your relationship has changed to the point where it has become an entirely new one with her seeing you in a different light. You are seeking a greater level of intimacy and she's judging the long-term potential for this relationship. Remember: even though you're both 22, she is older than you are and sees a wider perspective and all of the implications. Most women are creatures of nuance and subtlety when compared to most men.

The trick here is to show just enough masculine interest to let her know that you'd 'love to' but not so much that she'll think you're 'pushy' or 'insincere'. It is the difference between offering the lady your arm and grabbing hold of her without warning and not letting her go.

BTW, in case you weren't aware: THIS IS A TEST and both your character and your ardor are 'on the line'.

[Spicygirl82]

Maybe she does trust you. Maybe it's not a matter of trust but simply something else like maybe she is not currently on birth control and simply doesn't want to get pregnant. There could be any number of reasons why she does not feel ready to have sex just yet.

[EvilEvilKitten]

In any case: you may offer but the choice to have sex with you or not - is her call.

[dancingdoc2]

Did your girlfriend tell you that she does not trust you?

If yes, then why does she continue to date you?
If not, where did you come by this information?

> she never wants to have sex.

This does not sound like a lack of trust; more like "she is just not that into you."

This may change after several more dates. That the two of you have a six year friendship is vastly different than a few weeks of more intimate dating. All this should not give you the expectation that because you have started dating, now sex is possible or expected. WRONG.

Please read the articles on dating listed in the Index found near the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the questions and concerns people ask about. There is a whole section about dating and the how-to of it all.

There are two main reasons for dating, one of which is to form a framework in which the two of you can learn more about each other than is possible with a casual relationship. This being the case, I believe you should work on your relationship longer before expecting sex. Why do you want to have sex with her? Answer this correctly, and I may say--"proceed with all possible 'vigah'", to quote JFK.

[duh477]

She has wanted me to date her for over 6 years. She has even told me that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend for me back then. I just dont understand why she doesnt want to. I have a great time with her but I want a girl friend. How can I talk to her about this? I dont mind waiting a few more months but if she likes me as much as she thinks I dont understand why not. She always talks to me about wanting to have kids and she has always thought she would be married to me. Should I give her a time limit? my birthday is in 3 months and If nothing happens by then im going to be disappointed. Is that fair or no?

[dancingdoc2]

Why wait 3 months? Why not another 6 years?

Neither of you have made any progress toward dating each other, so, why not move on to someone else. Certainly by now you've read my thoughts on dating and why we should be doing it, so get to doing it--with others.

[RedRoses]

You want this girl or you don't. You want her as an entire person. As a person that could have her reasons for not having sex with you yet; have you even asked her why? And why you are in such a hurry? Why do you think it means she does not trust you?

Personally: if my bf would have started pushing me with timelimits on sex, it would have meant the end of anything we had started. Honesty: yes. He was free to tell me whenever his patience was running out. As I was free to tell him exactly what I did and did not want to do. Pushing me onto any preset date: HELL NO!!! Why? Because sex is a physical extension of the love we have for each other. A love that was growing deeper each time, until I really desired him to be physically inside me. And as you know: you can't hurry love!

She wants to marry you and have babies. So if you are just looking for sex, than you are wasting both her and your time.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Oh dear - DON'T have anything more to do with this girl, please!

1. that whole wussy "I wanted you to date me " thing when combined with

2. being together and no sex (bait and switch?) along with

3. "I wanna get married and have babies"

all indicate a manipulative 'lower life-form' kind of person with parasitical tendencies. Did she really graduate from high school?

Of course all I have to go on is what you've said but based upon that, I'd walk. Unless you want to marry her and have babies with her.