missed another hint?

[Albalien]

The other day I was at this office-like place for paperwork stuff. I'm sent to talk to a smiling young woman and we sort the matter out quickly. When I pack my things to leave she asks whether I'm up to anything exciting later that day. I should have answered "not really, what about you?" Instead, being in a rush I just mention a meeting (boring ) and leave.

Only later I wonder if she might actually have meant more than smalltalk with that question. It seemed a bit out of place, she did smile a lot, and it's not quite unknown for a girl to be interested in me without much cause. Nor is it at all unknown for me to miss the plainest clue.

She looked friendly and I'd be up for a date on a 'why not?' basis.

Question 1: does it sound like she was trying to give a hint? Was hers perhaps a standard phrase??

Question 2: how do I get back in touch with her? I only know where she works, and I could pretend to have more paperwork, but not again and again, and I think their rota are flexible so it's tricky.

cheers

[Brandye]

So, get over there and ask for her phone number. You lnow where she was sitting last; that is a place to start.

Yes, you missed a very broad hint.

[dancingdoc2]

> she asks whether I'm up to anything exciting later that day. I should have answered "not really, what about you?" Instead, being in a rush I just mention a meeting (boring ) and leave.

Did you wait long enough for her to answer your question? Better me thinks to have paused long enough in your haste to ask for her telephone number and that because you are in a hurry, that you will call her later and see what you can arrange with her.

What if you did have plans for later in the day, exciting or not? Same thing--ask for her telephone number and for a good time to call and chat.

> Only later I wonder if she might actually have meant more than smalltalk with that question.

What if small talk is all she was hinting at? At least you get a proverbial foot in the proverbial door and can arrange something more for next time. What if she did not mean small talk? Dating should be all about having fun and learning more about someone than is possible in a casual purely social setting. If a relationship is to happen, it will develop over time on its own. So, yes, you missed a very broad hint by over thinking a simple yes or no question.

> It seemed a bit out of place, she did smile a lot, and it's not quite unknown for a girl to be interested in me without much cause. Nor is it at all unknown for me to miss the plainest clue.

Ever hear the expression: "expect the unexpected"? Out of place or not, if there is ever a next time, either with her or someone else, listen to the question and answer the question at face value--no second guessing or reading between the lines. Had you answered by telling her that you had the evening free, and asked what she had in mind + asking for her telephone number, you'd be well on your way and would not have need to write to us.

> She looked friendly and I'd be up for a date on a 'why not?' basis.

"Why not"? That attitude is too negative. As noted, above, dating should be about having fun with someone, and, learning more about them. If it doesn't work out, at least you hopefully had a good dinner, and some pleasant conversation. Not every request for a date is going to work out, but you won't know unless you dive in and see what happens.

> Question 1: does it sound like she was trying to give a hint? Was hers perhaps a standard phrase??

There was no hint. There was a very direct question: "she asks whether I'm up to anything exciting later that day."

> Question 2: how do I get back in touch with her? I only know where she works, and I could pretend to have more paperwork, but not again and again, and I think their rota are flexible so it's tricky.

There you go over thinking, again. Why not walk into the store empty handed when you are free and if she is there, ask to talk to her briefly. If you do not see her, ask someone if she is working and if so, could you talk to her briefly. If not, ask when she will be work, again. If you have to, describe the girl to the coworker. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. No pretenses. She was direct with you, now it is your turn.

When you talk to her, understand that she may also not have a lot of time for chit-chat, so explain that you were caught off guard the other day, were indeed in a rush, and have returned now to ask her out for lunch or dinner--and to get her telephone number so you can firm up those plans after she gets home.

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I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Does a woman have to head butt you to get a date with you?

Hell yeah, you missed a 'hint'.

Go back, get her name, then seek her out and get her number AND ask her out for coffee.

Jeez.

[Albalien]

Thanks for your replies. Very helpful - I didn't realise the answer to my first question was that obvious. It's stunning really.

listen to the question and answer the question at face value--no second guessing or reading between the lines

Well, here it was the opposite. I answered her question literally without making any connection until later.

Does a woman have to head butt you to get a date with you?

Heh. Combine distractedness, lack of expectation (in this area, due to confusing evidence) and pickiness - yeah a head-butt would be just the thing.

I know that's too much to ask for though!

The added complication here was that she asked this without us knowing one another at all. Nothing wrong with it, but I never saw it coming.

"Why not"? That attitude is too negative. As noted, above, dating should be about having fun with someone, and, learning more about them. If it doesn't work out, at least you hopefully had a good dinner, and some pleasant conversation.

"Why not?" only in the "there are no snags here" sense. I entirely agree with what you write there. That's why I'm annoyed - I dumbly denied both her and me a ticket to who knows where.

"Go."

You'll shoot me, but as that place is nowhere near me, I e-asked a colleague of hers (via her business card) whether she could get us in touch. No reply yet. I can pass the place in a couple of days. But a part of me doesn't trust what seems so obvious to you.

[Brandye]

Trust? All connections are a result taking the risk of being rejected. She waved a flag in your face; take the risk.

[Sham]

Can someone help me out here please? Its sort of on the same topic

Theres a girl in my science class, and she has sort of been smiling and talking to me a lot more in the past couple of weeks. We sit at opposite ends of the classroom and usually meet up at the end.

Anyway, does this mean she likes me or just being friendly?

[dancingdoc2]

> Theres a girl in my science class, and she has sort of been smiling and talking to me a lot more in the past couple of weeks.

> Anyway, does this mean she likes me or just being friendly?

A. It means she is just being friendly.
B. It is unusual to just be friendly and not like who you are smiling at and spending time chatting with, later.

> We sit at opposite ends of the classroom and usually meet up at the end.

Please do two things:
T#1: Read the article on "Implied Consent" found in the Index
T#2: In form her when you meet to chat that you really like her and find her ... {intriguing -- fill in the blank) and would like to invite her out. Ask if you can meet on ... after school and go to a cafe or ice cream parlor--whatever.

If this goes well, tell her you would like to ask her out on a date and would she like to do ... or ---- on Saturday. If she says "yes", then ask if 7:00 is OK (use the appropriate time) or if she is busy would 7:30 be better. If neither time is good for her then it is up to her to tell you when she is free.

Please familiarize yourself with the articles listed in the Index, particularly those regarding the how-to's of dating.

If you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask on a separate thread.

-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

HEY DUDE:

She noticed you! She talks to you! She smiles at you!
ASK HER OUT!!!!
Are you wanting a gilt-edged invitation or what?

[dancingdoc2]

There you have the long and the short of it (in under 25 words!).

What more do you need to know?