Am I leading him on? Should we have sex?

[b00m]

I met someone and though I wasn't sure what I was doing was right, we almost had sex... I wasn't THAT turned on. But I kept trying to get his attention and I don't know if I'm leading him on...

Thinking about the time we made out, I want to go and tell him I don't want a relationship now...
But thinking about how I like him, it's different... I don't want a relationship because I don't want to rely on anyone else for happiness now, because chances are we WILL break up. I wouldn't even want my first relationship be my last.

So I'm all over the place now and I'm seeing him this weekend... part of me wants to have sex with him, part of me thinks we should just be friends for now. I'm so confused...

[c*nt_king]

let me start by saying these words of caution; never ever under any circumstances lead him on. if you want to be friends with him thats fine and if he's mature enough he'll accept that. but dont lead him on just because you cant decide guys hate that and start to resent women when they do that. you could start taking things slow till you're more used to being with him (if you were trying to get his attention then you clearly feel something)just make sure if you do end it to be kind and end it gently. i hope some of this helps you

[b00m]

Originally Posted by c*nt_king

let me start by saying these words of caution; never ever under any circumstances lead him on. if you want to be friends with him thats fine and if he's mature enough he'll accept that. but dont lead him on just because you cant decide guys hate that and start to resent women when they do that. you could start taking things slow till you're more used to being with him (if you were trying to get his attention then you clearly feel something)just make sure if you do end it to be kind and end it gently. i hope some of this helps you

See the problem is that we met a week ago and we've been texting each other ever since. If I'm leading him on it's not on purpose. I expect to tell him when I see him this Thursday that I'm not looking for a relationship, BUT I can also see myself giving in and having sex with him. Something draws me to him although I didn't really enjoy making out with him that much. Weird I know.

Three problems here:
1. Not sure how good the sex will be.
2. Not sure I want a relationship - I think it's getting there and I feel something. But the breakup will be ugly anyway so why bother?
3. Coming unprepared for our next date. I want to know what I'm gonna do so I don't act weird. I don't want him to decide for me.

[c*nt_king]

Originally Posted by b00m

Three problems here:
1. Not sure how good the sex will be.
2. Not sure I want a relationship - I think it's getting there and I feel something. But the breakup will be ugly anyway so why bother?
3. Coming unprepared for our next date. I want to know what I'm gonna do so I don't act weird. I don't want him to decide for me.

i'm not gonna say anything to you about just going for it (cos that is how people end up in the shit lol) but i will say this: i first asked out a girl who lead me on when i was 14, she turned me down for someone else barely a week later. basically i never asked anyone else out (i do occasionally have sex with a few girls im friends with , and i do not reccommend that cos it is dangerous and im lonely cos of it thats why i took sympathy with your dilemna)
forget the sex (its not the most important thing in this case) do you like this guy? if so try dating for a while and take it slow, dont let him push you into having sex if you dont want to. if you dont like him just tell him its not for you and u'd like to see other people (trust me guys value honesty more than u can imagine, when a woman lies to us its a massive blow to the ego, the manhood and the heart)
hope this helps

[b00m]

forget the sex (its not the most important thing in this case) do you like this guy?

Not sure yet I like him just fine but I can't figure out if I want a relationship. I have very little experience so I'm really into the idea of someone pleasuring me without thinking clearly.

[c*nt_king]

Originally Posted by b00m

Not sure yet I like him just fine but I can't figure out if I want a relationship. I have very little experience so I'm really into the idea of someone pleasuring me without thinking clearly.

your sex drive will always make you feel that (lord knows mine does) but this is how you know if you want a relationship: can you imagine not having him? would it make you feel sad if he werent around you?
casual sex is fine if your ready for it (remember to stay safe at all times!) but you need to talk to him about that yourself

[b00m]

Originally Posted by c*nt_king

your sex drive will always make you feel that (lord knows mine does) but this is how you know if you want a relationship: can you imagine not having him? would it make you feel sad if he werent around you?
casual sex is fine if your ready for it (remember to stay safe at all times!) but you need to talk to him about that yourself

I can imagine not having him... but I'd want him around me. My sex drive isn't even that crazy, I used to be all about waiting for sex... but decided to let loose with this guy.

I think we'll just talk and no sex next time.

[c*nt_king]

that sounds like a good idea

[dancingdoc2]

> Thinking about the time we made out, I want to go and tell him I don't want a relationship now... But thinking about how I like him, it's different... I don't want a relationship because I don't want to rely on anyone else for happiness now, because chances are we WILL break up. I wouldn't even want my first relationship be my last.

Have you looked at the Index, located at the top of the main screen? It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Knowledge is empowering. Please read those articles pertaining to relationships, first.

I agree that you are not ready for a relationship. Please do not jump backward into a relationship. A lot of people want togetherness and decide between them to establish a boyfriend-girlfriend "relationship" hoping that friendship and love will follow. This is just wrong. The only difference between this and an "arranged marriage" is that you, not the parents, decide who the partner will be.

Back in the olden days, people met, became friends, and then chose one or two people to date in order to learn more about each other than is possible in purely social settings. I recommend that you and others reading this thread over your shoulder so to speak follow tried and true methods.

What do you hope to gain from having sex with this guy? Are you hoping he will like you or will become hooked on you if you put out? There is nothing wrong with sex for sex sake, although, you indicate more is wanted. This being the case, work on establishing a great solid foundation for a relationship, first.

> I like him just fine but I can't figure out if I want a relationship. I have very little experience

In keeping with becoming friends, first, lovers (if this is to be) later, my recommendation is to work with this fella (or others in the future) on satisfying each other emotionally long before doing so physically. This path has a greater chance of long term success.

> I'm really into the idea of someone pleasuring me without thinking clearly.

What do you hope this will provide? No clear thinking if you mean what I thing you mean is a recipe for trouble. It is one thing to get caught up and lose yourself to your emotions, quite another not to have part of your brain aware of what is happening.

> See the problem is that we met a week ago and we've been texting each other ever since.

One way for each of you to desire the other more is to not be so "available". Turn the cell phone off. Turn the computer off. Invite him to telephone you on the old fashioned wired phone sitting on the table, desk, or on the wall, and wait for him to initiate a conversation. When he does telephone, limit the call to no more than twenty minutes and shorter if there are long pauses with nothing being said.

You will learn more about each other by hearing the other speak than you ever will by reading between the lines of abbreviated texting shorthand! You will also have a much better opportunity to have a meaningful conversation instead of texting what is often just idle chit-chat of little to no consequence.

> I like him just fine but I can't figure out if I want a relationship.

Then use the next several months to learn more about each other, become better friends, establish an emotional bond, discover what each of you likes, dislikes; what each of your goals are, what quirks you have, what values you have, etc. There are articles listed in the Index that discuss the how-to's of dating. Please read them.

> Three problems here:
> 1. Not sure how good the sex will be.

There are no guarantees. What there is is trust, and, knowledge.
Please read the article on "experience".

> 2. Not sure I want a relationship - I think it's getting there and I feel something. But the breakup will be ugly anyway so why bother?

OH, woe is me....
* Why should I try to learn to ride a bicycle, I'll only fall off and scrape my knees
* Why should I learn to drive a car, I'll only get lost and in be an accident
* Why should I learn to cook, I'll only burn the food, have to clean up the mess, and have to buy more food!

"So why bother?" Why put forth the effort to do anything worthwhile?

Breaking up does not have to be ugly. None of my prior dating relationships ended badly. We rose above the pettiness of this behavior.

> 3. Coming unprepared for our next date. I want to know what I'm gonna do so I don't act weird. I don't want him to decide for me.

First, women set the boundaries for the physical relationship. (Please read the article on boundaries and Implied Consent.)
Second, relationships are partnerships in which the two people involved work together for the common good.
Third, relationships are formed because the two people involved choose to join forces in order to have a life that is greater than the sum of its two parts.

For a man, leading a relationship is similar to leading a dance. Both are partnerships in which "leading" is actually guiding the next move by indicating what step pattern to do--when, then, following thru. "Leading" in either case is not a brute force action. If you do not want decisions made for you, then make them together in partnership. Talk to each other!

Before you engage in intercourse, please take measures to educate and protect A#1--you. Do not rely upon your partner for your protection. Please read the many articles listed in the Index about dating and making out, and more. In fact, your boyfriend(s) should also read the articles and the two of you discuss what you have learned.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Boom, listen to me.

When the desire overcomes the fear THEN it is time to enjoy sex with him.

NOT before.
Period.
End of story.

And be upfront and honest about it. No worthwhile man wants a timid unenthusiastic, lying there like a dead fish "pardon my snoring" partner.
So until you want, without any doubts, to leap into his arms and have wild rampant sex with him - DON'T have sex with him.

Got it?