Is it possible to have too many partners?

[PNash1976]

I noticed on one of the questions at okcupid.com there were a number of people who felt that it was possible to have too many partners. What threshold do people think is too many? Obviously years of experience have to be a factor. I don't by claims by guys like Warren Beatty who claims 1 new partner a day for decades... At the same time if people worry about there being some threshold how many lie and say they have had under 10 when really its probably 25-30?

Unless you follow a religious moral ethic I don't think there is a threshold (barring pathological sexual addiction). What do you think?

[dancingdoc2]

Is it possible to have too many partners? One answer would be: "yes", if that last person passed along an STD, Herpes, etc.

Is it possible to have too many partners? In what span of time? A year? A decade? Four decades?

Is it possible to have too many partners? To what end? Sex for sex sake? Searching for Mr./Ms. Right? What do you mean by "partners"? Sexual partners? Love interests as a result of dating? My thought is "yes" if it is the former and "maybe" if the latter and after having several "partners" as a result of doing a lot of dating, you still have not found the right person for you.

This goes back to "what end" and why haven't you found what you are searching for? Sex for sex sake is one thing, and if done for recreation then the answer is at the top of this reply. If a person has done a lot of dating and not found a potential mate, then I ask "why"? Is it something about you, or something about the people you date?

[PNash1976]

You hit on the head all of the questions I had about the original question on okcupid. It is a question that requires a vast number of assumptions to be fixed so that it has context.

If I met someone my age (33) who had had 100 partners I wouldn't hold it against them - they clearly lead a spirited life. 500... I might wonder how that was even possible!

[Brandye]

Why ask? At 33, you can assume she has a history. Beyond that, none of your business. There are more posts here freaking out because of knowing something about a g/f's history than about knowing too little.

I can assure you that some men would run if they know my sexual history. If it does not affect transmission of disease, better off not knowing.

[RedRoses]

Hmmm (thinking...), I don't think you should be counting partners. What's in a number anyways? It's all about the way things went and if those people have been happy about it (no way of verifying that )

I wouldn't know about (not) sharing sexual history... I know bits and pieces about my bf's relationships and sexual encounters. He always tells these things in a respectful manner (towards me and the ladies he's been with) and only tells the useful information that contribute to the story. There are pro's and con's about sharing, from my point of view:
- it can be practical. I have been 'feeding' of his experiences, like: 'Have you done that before? How did it work out? Were there things we should avoid doing?' This is very practical and I think it comes in handy, sometimes even reassuring
- sexual history influences (dis)likes. This is a plus: it is more easy to learn how to please someone who knows what he likes Sometimes it's a minus: he is unlikely to let me try certain things, because he already knows he dislikes (like dominance/submission)... But then again: him telling me about his previous encounters does make me understand why he feels this way. Had he not told me, I'd be in the dark.
- So: sometimes sexual history tells you something about the other person's feelings and creates understanding. In my case: I had practically no sexual history before him, but have been assaulted as a child. This was very useful information to him. It made him understand why I needed babysteps towards any type of intimacy.
-sharing parts of your history (sexual or not) creates a type of vulnerability. A type of vulnerability that needs to be handled with extra care! To me: I've told him things I've felt ashamed of. And I'm happy that I can ask him anything. It takes the 'secrecy' or 'taboo' away from things; all that's left is trust.

I do think there are things to consider when handling these issues. Why? Cause if you don't consider such things, it's like breaking the bond of trust and vulnerability you two share. That would be a shame... Examples:
- don't ask someone about their sexual history and then condemn them for it.
- don't use your sexual history to make the other feel bad.
- don't brag about it to make yourself look good.
- don't ask a question, receive an honest answer and then get all paranoid. If you're of the jealous type, then don't ask such questions...
- don't start about it during sex, that moment is all about you two (or three, or whatever )
- be respectful (towards your partner, exes, etc)
- only share whatever you're comfortable with...

This is only a hand full of comments from my point of view. I guess knowing someone's sexual history is about pro's and con's... I guess it's something every person and couple needs to find out for themselves...

[The_Justine]

To me, all that matters is that you can own up to your actions. Then it doesn't matter if you've had 1 or 100 partners, or less or more...

A friend of mine have had at least 250 lays. His GF wasn't very impressed by it, but as he explained to her (and I can fully support it as the truth) he was afraid to get committed and he was afraid of emotional closeness. He used sex to be close to women, but pushed them all away afterwards as to not get too close to them.

He found a woman that made the anxiety go away (his girlfriend), and he is now the most trustworthy and loyal partner, no matter the past.

[EvilEvilKitten]

YES it is possible but only if you consider the time and energy you have available. I found that running an 11 man string, as well as everything else in my life rather difficult. So I cut back to 4 men and the occasional party.

But if you're asking because someone might think you're a slut if you have more than x number - then NO it isn't possible. Hmmm in what 4 decades, I've lost count? It is more than 30, that I do know but hey - I've had fun!
Dare ya to call me anything other than "Ma'am".

It is far more important to listen to how your partner talks about their past lovers, if he/she does. If they speak of them kindly, that's a good sign. If every one of their lovers 'wasn't worthy' of him/her, that's a huge red flag and you should drop that person immediately.