Why?

[tataa]

When it comes to relationships or getting to know somebody I'm a little timid in getting the ball rolling. But for some reason if I am physically attracted to the person I've been talking to or seeing I start to have sexual fantasies about them...I'm not even active but I feel a strong physical attraction between them.But I know in my mind it will never make it to that stage where I would hit home base with them..what is wrong with me?

[dancingdoc2]

Why do you believe yourself to be so timid and insecure?

Have you read the information on the site about dating and what the activities should be about?

I believe every person, even culturally or religiously repressed individuals, have fantasies of either a romantic and/or sexual content. This being the case, why are you selling yourself short?

Dating should be about going out with someone and having a good time. If you do, then do it again...and, again. In the process learn more about each other than what you could as just casual friends in that setting. Dating should be about observations, also. How does s/he act in public, in private, interact with other people known or unknown. What qualities does the person have? What are their interests, likes, dislikes, values, quirks, character, goals, etc.? If you find common ground with these aspects of a particular person, then you can decide whether or not to "take it to the next level" by introducing some romance or making out, both for the intimacy as well as the compatibility.

Dating should be about learning about others in all categories, not just sex; therefore, dating should be about finding a friend, first, then a sex partner from among those you go out with and have learned more about.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You have fantasies instead of actual physical relationships because it is safer. You fear intimacy because that could lead to being hurt, disappointed and hurting, disappointing your partner. It is all just too risky for you so off you go into fantasy! Your mind is screaming No.

But your body WANTS to have a physical relationship. Your body smells the other person's hormones and responds to them, sending your systems into overdrive. Your mind may be saying No btu your body is saying Yes.

You are not abnormal in any way.
The conflict between your mind and your body is one you have to sort out.

[tataa]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Why do you believe yourself to be so timid and insecure?

Have you read the information on the site about dating and what the activities should be about?

I believe every person, even culturally or religiously repressed individuals, have fantasies of either a romantic and/or sexual content. This being the case, why are you selling yourself short?

Dating should be about going out with someone and having a good time. If you do, then do it again...and, again. In the process learn more about each other than what you could as just casual friends in that setting. Dating should be about observations, also. How does s/he act in public, in private, interact with other people known or unknown. What qualities does the person have? What are their interests, likes, dislikes, values, quirks, character, goals, etc.? If you find common ground with these aspects of a particular person, then you can decide whether or not to "take it to the next level" by introducing some romance or making out, both for the intimacy as well as the compatibility.

Dating should be about learning about others in all categories, not just sex; therefore, dating should be about finding a friend, first, then a sex partner from among those you go out with and have learned more about.

See I like your outlook on dating. People rush into relationships without getting to know them first. I want my lover to be my best friend. But these days people just want romance.

[tataa]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

You have fantasies instead of actual physical relationships because it is safer. You fear intimacy because that could lead to being hurt, disappointed and hurting, disappointing your partner. It is all just too risky for you so off you go into fantasy! Your mind is screaming No.

But your body WANTS to have a physical relationship. Your body smells the other person's hormones and responds to them, sending your systems into overdrive. Your mind may be saying No btu your body is saying Yes.

You are not abnormal in any way.
The conflict between your mind and your body is one you have to sort out.

Thanks Kitten! One way or another I guess I'm going have to give in to my body

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Dating should be about learning about others in all categories, not just sex; therefore, dating should be about finding a friend, first, then a sex partner from among those you go out with and have learned more about.

See I like your outlook on dating. People rush into relationships without getting to know them first. I want my lover to be my best friend. But these days people just want romance.

Your observation is correct; yet, another aspect of dating as it pertains to young adults, and, teenagers, in particular, is that they want to "belong" and to have a boy- girlfriend, so go about acquiring one backwards. More often than not, they find a "hot babe" or "hot dude" who appeals to them visually or in some other way and then they establish the relationship hoping that all will work out--that they will like each other, be able to get along with each other, will like each other's traits and characteristics, and all will be peachy-keen. When it isn't, the drama and trauma begin for which young people are generally unable to cope because of a lack of maturity and interpersonal skills.

It is from all this that I wrote the articles on dating.

-doc

[tataa]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

Your observation is correct; yet, another aspect of dating as it pertains to young adults, and, teenagers, in particular, is that they want to "belong" and to have a boy- girlfriend, so go about acquiring one backwards. More often than not, they find a "hot babe" or "hot dude" who appeals to them visually or in some other way and then they establish the relationship hoping that all will work out--that they will like each other, be able to get along with each other, will like each other's traits and characteristics, and all will be peachy-keen. When it isn't, the drama and trauma begin for which young people are generally unable to cope because of a lack of maturity and interpersonal skills.

It is from all this that I wrote the articles on dating.

-doc

I have to look into the article, thanks doc!